16 Ways To Kill A Vampire At McDonalds

Fucking leeches are [[crawling all over|Seriously]] this poor little town. (set: $InIntro to true) (live: 4s)[Touch yellow text to continue.(stop:)]

Seriously. I can't show neck in a bar without someone tall, dark and anemic sidling up to me and staring at my breasts to keep himself from ogling my jugular. Which is good. For us. Sort of. Well, it means we're where we're supposed to be. Fighting the good fight. Keeping drunk college students safe. One oversized, undead mosquito at a time. But it's [[tiring work|Tiring Work]].

I know I don't handle the heavy lifting on this team. Maggie does the one-two-ambush with stake and machete. Luke shoots them with his grandad's holy musket and buries the bodies when there are bodies. All |lucy>[I do,](click: ?lucy)[ //(I'm Lucy, by the way)// ] is stand for hours in dark alleys and smoky bars, trying to look helpless and delicious. I'm not digging second hand graves. But waiting for something to come and try to eat you is its own kind of exhausting. So I need a [[night off|Night Choices]].

What should I do? [[Get a mani-pedi.|Mani-Pedi Option]] [[See a movie.|Movie Option]] [[Eat McDonalds.|McDonalds Transition]]

(if: $mani_pedi_color is "none")[Best idea. What color? |red>[Blood Red.] |blue>[Midnight Blue.] |pink>[Bubblegum Pink.] |orange>[Neon Orange.] {(click: ?red)[(set: $mani_pedi_color to "red")(go-to: "Paint Nails")] (click: ?blue)[(set: $mani_pedi_color to "blue")(go-to: "Paint Nails")] (click: ?orange)[(set: $mani_pedi_color to "orange")(go-to: "Paint Nails")] (click: ?pink)[(set: $mani_pedi_color to "pink")(go-to: "Paint Nails")]}](else:)[My nails are already prettyfied, darling. [[What next?|Night Choices]]]

The local theater doesn't have a lot of options. The only thing I haven't seen already is Blade: Trinity. It'd be fun to go with Maggie and yell constructive criticism, but I'm trying to get AWAY from my job tonight. [[What next?|Night Choices]]

Great idea. The best way to unwind is to eat delicious, delicious, unhealthy food. Also cheap food. This may surprise you, but [[vampire hunting does not pay well.]] We eat a lot of pasta cooked on motel stoves. And when the motels don't have kitchenettes, it's rice and beans in a pressure cooker Luke keeps in the van next to the gun rack. Anyway. The point is that McDonalds is a treat. Don't judge me. |continue>[Continue] (click: ?continue)[(set: $triggerMcDon to true)(go-to: "McDonalds")]

(if: $mani_pedi_color is "red")[A little on the nose, but okay. (set: $RedCount to $RedCount + 1)(savegame: "RedCount", (text: $RedCount )) My fingers and toes are clean and clipped and pretty as a nosebleed.](elseif: $mani_pedi_color is "blue")[Oooh. Dramatic. I like. (set: $BlueCount to $BlueCount + 1)(savegame: "BlueCount", (text: $BlueCount )) My fingers and toes are clean and clipped and pretty as nighttime.](elseif: $mani_pedi_color is "pink")[I am so girly tonight, I shit spice and piss sugarwater. (set: $PinkCount to $PinkCount + 1)(savegame: "PinkCount", (text: $PinkCount )) My fingers and toes are clean and clipped and look like cotton candy.](elseif: $mani_pedi_color is "orange")[Hah! Funky. Yes. Let's go with this. (set: $OrangeCount to $OrangeCount + 1)(savegame: "OrangeCount", (text: $OrangeCount )) My fingers and toes are clean and clipped and look like tic tacs.] [[What next?|Night Choices]]

Stuff I have: (if: $inv_tape is true)[ |inv_tape>[a roll of duct tape] (click: ?inv_tape)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_tape")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](if: $inv_necklace is true)[ |inv_necklace>[a necklace of crosses] (click: ?inv_necklace)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_necklace")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](if: $inv_stake is true)[ |inv_stake>[a wooden stake] (click: ?inv_stake)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_stake")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](if: $inv_bucket is true)[ |inv_bucket>[a mop bucket] (click: ?inv_bucket)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_bucket")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](if: $inv_squirt is true)[ |inv_squirt>[a tiny squirt gun] (click: ?inv_squirt)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_squirt")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](if: $inv_wreath is true)[ |inv_wreath>[a holly wreath] (click: ?inv_wreath)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_wreath")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](if: $inv_pam is true)[ |inv_pam>[a pamphlet] (click: ?inv_pam)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_pam")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](if: $inv_sanitizer is true)[ |inv_sanitizer>[a pluggable UV-C Air Sanitizer] (click: ?inv_sanitizer)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_sanitizer")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](if: $inv_salt is true)[ |inv_salt>[a pinch of salt] (click: ?inv_salt)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_salt")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](if: $inv_pins is true)[ |inv_pins>[a handful of bobby pins] (click: ?inv_pins)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_pins")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ]|inv_cig>[a pack of cigarettes and a lighter] (click: ?inv_cig)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_cig")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] |inv_hairdo>[a pretty hairdo] (click: ?inv_hairdo)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_hairdo")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] |inv_cell>[a cellphone] (click: ?inv_cell)[(set: $inv_detail to "inv_cell")(go-to: "Inventory_detail")](if: $inv_paper_count is not 0)[ and $inv_paper_count paper towels.] |back>[< Back To Game](click: ?back)[(go-to: $returnTo)] (set: $inv_detail to "")

{(if: (passage:)'s name contains "Inventory" or (passage:)'s name contains "Menu" or (passage:)'s name contains "Endings")[](elseif: $NoInv is false)[|inv>[Inventory](click: ?inv)[(set: $returnTo to (passage:)'s name) (go-to: "Inventory")] |menu>[Menu](click: ?menu)[(set: $returnTo to (passage:)'s name) (go-to: "Menu")] (if: $InIntro)[|skip>[Skip Intro](click: ?skip)[(set: $triggerMcDon to true)(go-to: "Main Room")]] ] (if: !$SkipSave)[(save-game: "CurrentState","CurrentState")](else:)[(set: $SkipSave to false)] (if: $DisplayTime is true)[ 11:(if: $CurrentMinute < 10)[0]$CurrentMinute PM] (if: $CurrentMinute > 43 and $vampAtKitchen is false)[(set: $vampAtKitchen to true)](elseif: $CurrentMinute > 30 and $vampAtCashier is false)[(set: $vampAtCashier to true)] }

(if: $backup is "luke")[I don't need to call Maggie. Luke's already on his way. [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 0)[I love Maggie, but I don't want to interrupt her night if I don't have anything new to tell her. [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 1)[''Maggie:'' "Hey sweetie." (set: $MaggieTalk to 2) ''Lucy:'' "Hello darling." ''Maggie:'' "How's your night off?" ''Lucy:'' "I'm trying to figure out what to DO with it." ''Maggie:'' "Get your nails done. You love that."(if: $mani_pedi_color is not "none")[ ''Lucy:'' "Already done." ''Maggie:'' "See? I know you so well."] [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 2)[''Maggie:'' "Hey sweetie. What's up?" (set: $MaggieTalk to 0) ''Lucy:'' "I just love hearing your voice." ''Lucy:'' "I love how you sound and look like Tinkerbell." ''Lucy:'' "And I love how you sound and look like her even when you're twisting a vampire's head off like a bottle cap." ''Lucy:'' "It's the most awesome thing." ''Maggie:'' "Aww. I love you too." [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 3)[''Lucy:'' "Hey Maggie." ''Maggie:'' "Hey sweetheart. Everything okay? You sound stressed." |vamp_help>[''Lucy:'' "Yeah. Guess what I ran into on my night off? A fucking vampire."] (click: ?vamp_help)[(set: $MaggieTalk to 8)(go-to: "Call_Inventory_Maggie")] |moral>[''Lucy:'' "Nothing I can't handle. Just calling for some moral support."] (click: ?moral)[(set: $MaggieTalk to 4)(go-to: "Call_Inventory_Maggie")] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 4)[''Maggie:'' "Sure thing. You're smart and sweet and sexy and can totally handle anything life gets bitchy about." (set: $MaggieTalk to 5) [[''Lucy:'' "And my tummy is cute, right?"->Call_Inventory_Maggie]] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 5)[''Maggie:'' "Your tummy is the most adorable little buddha tummy ever." ''Maggie:'' "Guys and girls fawn over your tummy." ''Maggie:'' "Your tummy is like that Greek woman's face." ''Maggie:'' "Thousand ship tummy." |helen>[''Lucy:'' "Helen of Troy."] (click: ?helen)[(set: $MaggieTalk to 6)(go-to: "Call_Inventory_Maggie")] |thanks>[''Lucy:'' "Thanks Maggie. You're a darling."] (click: ?thanks)[(set: $MaggieTalk to 7)(go-to: "Call_Inventory_Maggie")] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 6)[''Maggie:'' "Yeah! Helen of tummy." ''Maggie:'' "Don't start any wars." (set: $MaggieTalk to 7) [[''Lucy:'' "Thanks Maggie."->Call_Inventory_Maggie]] [[''Lucy:'' "I love you, Mags."->Call_Inventory_Maggie]] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 7)[''Maggie:'' "Any time. You have a good night off, you hear?" ''Lucy:'' "Yes ma'am." (set: $MaggieTalk to 0) [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 8)[''Maggie:'' "Seriously? Where are you?" ''Lucy:'' "McDonalds." ''Maggie:'' "Who hunts at //McDonalds//?" ''Lucy:'' "This skeezball." ''Maggie:'' "You need backup?" |help>[''Lucy:'' "Yeah. Could you?"] (click: ?help)[(set: $MaggieTalk to 9)(go-to: "Call_Inventory_Maggie")] |no_help>[''Lucy:'' "No, I've got it. Just wanted to vent."] (click: ?no_help)[(set: $MaggieTalk to 11)(go-to: "Call_Inventory_Maggie")] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 9)[''Maggie:'' "Sure thing. I'll grab my machete and head right down. You got an ambush point in mind?" (set: $backup to "maggie") ''Lucy:'' "I saw an alley on the right side of the building. Very dark." ''Maggie:'' "Works for me. Lead him over. I'll be there." (set: $MaggieTalk to 10) [[''Lucy:'' "You're the best."->Call_Inventory_Maggie]] [[''Lucy:'' "Love you."->Call_Inventory_Maggie]] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 10)[''Maggie:'' "See you soon, sweetie!" [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ](elseif: $MaggieTalk is 11)[''Maggie:'' "I completely understand." ''Maggie:'' "So rude." ''Maggie:'' "Doesn't he know it's your night off?" ''Lucy:'' "I KNOW, right?" ''Maggie:'' "Beat his face in, sweetie." ''Lucy:'' "I'm probably not gonna be quite so direct, but I've got some other plans I'm working on." ''Maggie:'' "So smart. Beat his face in with your brain." (set: $MaggieTalk to 0) [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ]

(if: $vampAware is false)[I'm not calling Luke. We're in a fight. I only sort of remember what caused the fight, but while we were arguing he told me I was overreacting. I proceeded to show him what 'overreacting' actually looks like. I'm not exactly proud of how that went, but he acted like an asshole and I'll be damned if I'm going to apologize first. [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ](elseif: $backup is "maggie")[I don't need to call Luke. Maggie's already on her way. [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ](elseif: $LukeTalk is 0)[''Luke:'' "Hello?" (set: $LukeTalk to 6) [[''Lucy:'' "Hi. There's a vampire."->Call_Inventory_Luke]] [[''Lucy:'' "Hi. I'm still upset, but there's a vampire."->Call_Inventory_Luke]] |upset>[''Lucy:'' "I'm just calling to tell you I'm still upset."] (click: ?upset)[(set: $LukeTalk to 1)(go-to: "Call_Inventory_Luke")] ](elseif: $LukeTalk is 1)[''Luke:'' "Okay. Great. Do you want to talk about it?" (set: $LukeTalk to 6) |yes>[''Lucy:'' "Yes."] (click: ?yes)[(set: $LukeTalk to 2)(go-to: "Call_Inventory_Luke")] |no>[''Lucy:'' "No."] (click: ?no)[(set: $LukeTalk to 3)(go-to: "Call_Inventory_Luke")] [[''Lucy:'' "There's a vampire."->Call_Inventory_Luke]] ](elseif: $LukeTalk is 2)[''Lucy:'' "Yes. Yeah. We can talk about it when I get back." ''Luke:'' "Okay." (set: $LukeTalk to 6) [[''Lucy:'' "Also, there's a vampire."->Call_Inventory_Luke]] |bye>[''Lucy:'' "Bye."] (click: ?bye)[(set: $LukeTalk to 50)(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](elseif: $LukeTalk is 3)[''Lucy:'' "No." ''Luke:'' "That's not very fair." (set: $LukeTalk to 6) [[''Lucy:'' "Also, there's a vampire."->Call_Inventory_Luke]] [[''Lucy:'' "Sorry. Also, there's a vampire."->Call_Inventory_Luke]] [[''Lucy:'' "Whatever. Also, there's a vampire."->Call_Inventory_Luke]] |bye>[''Lucy:'' "Whatever. Bye."] (click: ?bye)[(set: $LukeTalk to 50)(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](elseif: $LukeTalk is 6)[''Luke:'' "...do you need my help?" (set: $LukeTalk to 8) [[''Lucy:'' "Yes."->Call_Inventory_Luke]] |no>[''Lucy:'' "No. Bye."] (click: ?no)[(set: $LukeTalk to 50)(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] |genius>[''Lucy:'' "Yes genius, why else would I call you and tell you 'There's a vampire'?"] (click: ?genius)[(set: $LukeTalk to 7)(go-to: "Call_Inventory_Luke")] ](elseif: $LukeTalk is 7)[''Luke:'' "You don't have to be sarcastic." (set: $LukeTalk to 8) [[''Lucy:'' "Sorry."->Call_Inventory_Luke]] [[''Lucy:'' "Fine. Sorry."->Call_Inventory_Luke]] [[''Lucy:'' "I am in a McDonalds alone with a VAMPIRE, Luke. Can you cut me a LITTLE slack for being stressed?"->Call_Inventory_Luke]] ](elseif: $LukeTalk is 8)[''Luke:'' "...where do you need me?" ''Lucy:'' "There's a dark alley on the right side of the building. Be there." ''Luke:'' "All right." (set: $LukeTalk to 50) (set: $backup to "luke") [[click->Inventory_detail]] ](elseif: $backup is "luke")[I've talked to Luke. He's on his way. [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ](else:)[I don't want to call Luke. [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]] ]

No. [[< Back To Cellphone->Inventory_detail]]

{ (set: $InIntro to false) (set: $DisplayTime to false) (set: $CurrentMinute to 01) (set: $NoInv to false) (set: $Current_Location to "") (set: $returnTo to "") (set: $last_action to "") (set: $first_entry to false) (set: $sequence to 0) (set: $death_sequence to 0) (set: $inv_sequence to 0) (set: $MaggieTalk to 1) (set: $LukeTalk to 0) (set: $vampAware to false) (set: $vampire_melt_count to -1) (set: $vampAtCashier to false) (set: $vampAtKitchen to false) (set: $dump_vamp to false) (set: $cashier_statement to "") (set: $cashier_alert to false) (set: $cashier_queer_look to false) (set: $talked_to_cashier to false) (set: $homeless_statement to "") (set: $homeless_attitude to 2) (set: $homeless_offer_pam to false) (set: $homeless_hi to false) (set: $homeless_quotes to false) (set: $homeless_jesus to false) (set: $homeless_dollar to false) (set: $homeless_believe to false) (set: $homeless_refuse_pam to false) (set: $bess_follow to false) (set: $devout_quote_count to 0) (set: $straws_tried_take to false) (set: $straws_tried_stake to false) (set: $strawShapes to "") (set: $wreath_visible to false) (set: $wreath_hung to false) (set: $cig_lit to false) (set: $bucket_trap to false) (set: $sanitizer_plugged to false) (set: $towels_oily to false) (set: $twine_taken to false) (set: $tape_taken to false) (set: $wreath_taken to false) (set: $bucket_taken to false) (set: $plunger_taken to false) (set: $sanitizer_taken to false) (set: $taken_paper_count to 0) (set: $toilet_paper_count to 0) (set: $toilet_wreath to false) (set: $inv_pins to false) (set: $inv_squirt to false) (set: $inv_squirt_contains to "") (set: $inv_tape to false) (set: $inv_wreath to false) (set: $inv_paper_count to 0) (set: $inv_stake to false) (set: $inv_pam to false) (set: $inv_bucket to false) (set: $inv_bucket_contains to "") (set: $inv_bucket_fixed to false) (set: $inv_salt to false) (set: $inv_twine to false) (set: $inv_necklace to false) (set: $inv_sanitizer to false) (set: $fire_done to false) (set: $fire_tried to false) (set: $currently_burning to "") (set: $Claire_Dying to false) (set: $backup to "") (set: $cig_in_vamp_eye to false) (set: $burned_by_fry to false) (set: $death_hint to "") (set: $lure_vamp_interest to 0) (set: $hair_down to false) (set: $food_orders to 0) (set: $accept_toilet_plan to false) (set: $garlic_count to 0) (set: $closet_open to false) (set: $street_first_time to true) (set: $dumpster_regret to false) (set: $mani_pedi_color to "none") (set: $alley_ambush_comment to false)}

I push through the door and inhale the smell of fried grease. I also feel a thin layer of it settling over my skin. The lights are bright and tinted orange. It's a one room restaurant. Booths line the walls leading up to the counter. One lonely cashier sits at the far right end. One lonely customer slouches in the booth nearest her. [[I sidle up and order a Big Mac.->order_first]]

The cashier chirrups "Hello!" She is impossibly cheerful for someone working at 11PM, but in a sweet way, not a creepy way. She gives me a number even though I'm the only one ordering. She very deliberately punches in my order. She very deliberately asks me if |fries>[I want fries with that.] [[It's adorable.]] (click-replace: ?fries)[I want fries with that. (I do.)]

I pick up my food and head towards a booth. I pass the [[only other customer slouching in his booth.]] (set: $triggerDeath to true)

I order: A burger. |BigMac>[(Big Mac)] |Cheeseburger>[(Cheeseburger)] |QuarterPounder>[(Quarter Pounder)] Some chicken. |ButtermilkCrispyChicken>[(Buttermilk Crispy)] |ArtisanGrilledChicken>[(Artisan Grilled)] |ChickenNuggets>[(Nuggets)] Fries. |GarlicParmesan>[(Garlic Parmesan)] |ZestyRanch>[(Zesty Ranch)] |SpicyBuffalo>[(Spicy Buffalo)] |JustFries>[(Just Fries)] [[A salad.]] |HappyMeal>[A Happy Meal.] {(click: ?BigMac)[(set: $current_meal to "Big Mac")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?Cheeseburger)[(set: $current_meal to "Cheeseburger")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?QuarterPounder)[(set: $current_meal to "Quarter Pounder")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?ButtermilkCrispyChicken)[(set: $current_meal to "Buttermilk Crispy Chicken")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?ArtisanGrilledChicken)[(set: $current_meal to "Artisan Grilled Chicken")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?ChickenNuggets)[(set: $current_meal to "Chicken Nuggets")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?JustFries)[(set: $current_meal to "Just Fries")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?Salad)[(set: $current_meal to "Salad")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?HappyMeal)[(set: $current_meal to "Happy Meal")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?GarlicParmesan)[(set: $current_meal to "Garlic Parmesan")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?SpicyBuffalo)[(set: $current_meal to "Spicy Buffalo")(go-to: "order_finish")] (click: ?ZestyRanch)[(set: $current_meal to "Zesty Ranch")(go-to: "order_finish")] (set: $Tick to true)}

(live: 1s)[(stop:)help (live: 4s)[(stop:) help (live: 3s)[(stop:) help (live: 2s)[(stop:) [[help]] (live: 10s)[(go-to: "help")] ]]]] (set: $triggerMcDon to true)

The only reason I have money for this night out is because the last vamp we |slayed>[slayed] had wallets on him from all his other victims. [[Got it.->McDonalds Transition]] {(click-replace: ?slayed)[|slew>[slew?]] (click-replace: ?slew)[|slain>[have slain?]] (click-replace: ?slain)[slayed]}

I trip and spill my burger. [[Continue->spilled]]

Adorable cashier girl rushes over. She makes sure I'm okay and helps me clean up the burger. She offers to get me another, no charge. I say I just have to [[sit down]] for a second.

I sit in a booth and watch [[creepy slouching stranger dude]] out of the corner of my eye. It isn't fair. This was supposed to be my night off.

He's a vampire. There's no doubt. It can be hard to tell under the halogen lamps that make everyone look dead. But the creepy whisperings of the people he's murdered [[really give it away.]]

He's eyeing adorable cashier girl. Fuck if I'm going to let that happen. I'm gonna slay the fuck out of this guy. I just have to figure out [[how.]]

Vampires are easy-mode when it comes to monster hunting. There are about a gazillion ways to kill them. Fire. Stakes. Garlic. If you've read it in a book or seen it in a video game, [[it probably works.]]

That being said, if you don't have one of their many weaknesses on hand they can be pretty deadly. They're stronger than normal people, and if they get fangs in you you're done for. I'm going to have to be careful and use my surroundings to my advantage. But I only have so long before he makes a move on the cashier. [[I stand up and look around.->Main Room]]

(if: $bess_follow is true and $previous is "Street")[Bess follows me inside. The cashier looks at her nervously, but doesn't say anything. ]I'm in McDonalds.(if: $fire_tried is true)[ It's slightly damaged by my attempts at arson.] {(set: $InIntro to false) (set: $DisplayTime to true) (set: $Current_Location to "Main Room")} (if: $CurrentMinute > 43 and $vampAtKitchen is false)[The vampire vaults over the counter. The cashier giggles and lets him lead her back into the |kitchen>[kitchen].(set: $vampAtKitchen to true)](elseif: $CurrentMinute > 43)[The vampire and cashier are gone, but I can hear them moving back in the |kitchen>[kitchen].](elseif: $CurrentMinute > 30 and $vampAtCashier is false)[The vampire gets up and casually strolls over to the counter. He starts flirting with the [[cashier->vampire glare]]. (set: $vampAtCashier to true)](elseif: $CurrentMinute > 30)[The [[vampire->vampire glare]] is flirting with the [[cashier->vampire glare]].](else:)[The [[adorable cashier->Approach Cashier]] sits behind the counter. The [[vampire->approach vampire booth]] slouches in the booth nearest her.] (if: $vampAtKitchen is false)[(if: $vampire_melt_count >= 15)[The vampire is sweating a lot. ](elseif: $vampire_melt_count >= 10)[The vampire has started to sweat. ](elseif: $vampire_melt_count >= 5)[The vampire looks uncomfortable. ]]I'm standing next to an empty [[booth]]. (if: $inv_sanitizer is true)[There's an open outlet on the wall where I could [[plug in my air sanitizer.]] ](elseif: $sanitizer_plugged is true)[My air sanitizer if plugged in and industriously murdering the bacteria in the air. ]I can see double doors to the |street>[street] and a single door to a |bathroom>[gender-neutral restroom].(if: $bess_follow is true)[ Bess is here.](else:)[ [[Set the building on fire.]] ] |wait>[Wait](click: ?wait)[(set: $LongTick to true)(go-to: "Main Room")] {(if: $first_entry is false)[(set: $MaggieTalk to 3)] (set: $first_entry to true) (set: $sequence to 0) (set: $vampAware to true) (click: ?street)[(set: $triggerNorm to true)(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Street")] (click: ?bathroom)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Bathroom")] (click: ?kitchen)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Kitchen")] }

The adorable cashier is safe, and that's something. But the vampire is still out there. Off to attack the cashier at the Wendy's or Burger King. Maybe I could have done better. (if: $previous is "Arson from the street")[I order more... Shit. The McDonalds is burned down. I want more fries.](elseif: $previous is "toilet end")[Oh well. I help the cashier fix the toilet.](else:)[I order more fries.(if: $bess_follow is true)[ I share some with Bess.] ] [[The End->Endings]]

The End [[Acknowledgments]] / Endings / [[Unlockables]] / [[Other Games->Other Games End]] / |Restart>[Play Again] (click: ?Restart)[ (display: "Save Achievements")(savegame: "CurrentState", "RESTART")(reload:) ] (display: "ending count")You have $EndingCount of 16 endings. (display: "Save Achievements")(if: $death_hint is not "" and $death_hint is not 0)[(text-color: "gold")[//Death Hint://] $death_hint ] (if: $Staked is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Staked''] (text-color: "gold")[Stake the vampire]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Staked''] Stake the vampire. |Staked>[Hint]|StakedHint>[](click: ?Staked)[(replace: ?StakedHint)[: Look for a stake in the bathroom. Be sure to check your hair. And only try this when he's distracted.]]] (if: $Fired is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Fired''] (text-color: "gold")[Burn him with fire.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Fired''] Burn him with fire. |Fired>[Hint]|FiredHint>[](click: ?Fired)[(replace: ?FiredHint)[: You have a Zippo lighter, now you just have to make the vampire more flammable. Look in the kitchen.]]] (if: $EnthusiasticallyFired is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Enthusiastically Fired''] (text-color: "gold")[BEL/S would be proud.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Enthusiastically Fired''] Burn the entire building down with the vampire inside it. |EnthusiasticallyFired>[Hint]|EnthusiasticallyFiredHint>[](click: ?EnthusiasticallyFired)[(replace: ?EnthusiasticallyFiredHint)[: You have a Zippo lighter. You need to find tinder, make it really flammable, and start the fire while no one is around to stop you. Also, make sure the vampire can't escape, but the cashier can.]]] (if: $MeltedByFaith is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Melted By Faith''] (text-color: "gold")[Find someone devout to destroy the vampire with their faith.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Melted By Faith''] Find someone devout to destroy the vampire with their faith. |MeltedByFaith>[Hint]|MeltedByFaithHint>[](click: ?MeltedByFaith)[(replace: ?MeltedByFaithHint)[: The homeless woman on the street seems pretty devout. But you'll have to find a way to keep the vampire from running away.]]] (if: $Crossed is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Crossed''] (text-color: "gold")[Expel or melt the vampire with crosses.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Crossed''] Expel or melt the vampire with crosses. |Crossed>[Hint]|CrossedHint>[](click: ?Crossed)[(replace: ?CrossedHint)[: Examine the drinking straws in your booth.]]] (if: $SnickerSnack is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Snicker-Snack''] (text-color: "gold")[Decapitate the vampire.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Snicker-Snack''] Decapitate the vampire. |SnickerSnack>[Hint]|SnickerSnackHint>[](click: ?SnickerSnack)[(replace: ?SnickerSnackHint)[: You're not much for swords. Call someone who is.]]] (if: $SnickerSmash is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Snicker-Smash''] (text-color: "gold")[Remove the vampire's head by any means necessary.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Snicker-Smash''] Remove the vampire's head by any means necessary. |SnickerSmash>[Hint]|SnickerSmashHint>[](click: ?SnickerSmash)[(replace: ?SnickerSmashHint)[: Get really really pissed off and use anger-strength to crush his head.]]] (if: $ChickaBlast is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Chicka-Blast''] (text-color: "gold")[Kill the vampire with a gun.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Chicka-Blast''] Kill the vampire with a gun. |ChickaBlast>[Hint]|ChickaBlastHint>[](click: ?ChickaBlast)[(replace: ?ChickaBlastHint)[: You're not much for guns. Call someone who is.]]] (if: $DeathByHugs is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Death By Hugs''] (text-color: "gold")[Melt the vampire with the power of love.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Death By Hugs''] Melt the vampire with the power of love. |DeathByHugs>[Hint]|DeathByHugsHint>[](click: ?DeathByHugs)[(replace: ?DeathByHugsHint)[: You need to be wearing something particular while hugging him. Examine the drinking straws in your booth.]]] (if: $Garliced is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Garliced''] (text-color: "gold")[Kill the vampire with garlic.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Garliced''] Kill the vampire with garlic. |Garliced>[Hint]|GarlicedHint>[](click: ?Garliced)[(replace: ?GarlicedHint)[: If you can get enough garlic into your bloodstream, you can poison him with it.]]] (if: $HolyWater is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Holy Water Bucket''] (text-color: "gold")[Kill the vampire with a bucket of holy water.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Holy Water Bucket''] Kill the vampire with a bucket of holy water. |HolyWater>[Hint]|HolyWaterHint>[](click: ?HolyWater)[(replace: ?HolyWaterHint)[: You don't need a priest to make holy water. You just need someone faithful. And some water and salt.]]] (if: $HolySquirtGun is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Holy Squirt Gun''] (text-color: "gold")[Squirt the vampire with holy water.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Holy Squirt Gun''] Squirt the vampire with holy water. |HolySquirtGun>[Hint]|HolySquirtGunHint>[](click: ?HolySquirtGun)[(replace: ?HolySquirtGunHint)[: You'll have to make holy water and find a squirt gun. Squirt guns are toys. Where can you find a toy in McDonalds?]]] (if: $Sunlight is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Sunlight''] (text-color: "gold")[Kill the vampire with sunlight.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Sunlight''] Kill the vampire with sunlight. |Sunlight>[Hint]|SunlightHint>[](click: ?Sunlight)[(replace: ?SunlightHint)[: Ultraviolet C light is present in sunlight. It is mostly absorbed by the atmosphere, but the small amount that does get through is what kills vampire. Unsurprisingly, it has more conventional germicidal properties too.]]] (if: $DeckTheHalls is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Deck The Halls''] (text-color: "gold")[Kill the vampire with a holy plant.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Deck The Halls''] Kill the vampire with a holy plant. |DeckTheHalls>[Hint]|DeckTheHallsHint>[](click: ?DeckTheHalls)[(replace: ?DeckTheHallsHint)[: Vampires hate plants that symbolize new life, such as roses, *holly*, or hawthorn.]]] (if: $Uninvited is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Uninvited''] (text-color: "gold")[Force the vampire away by rescinding his invitation.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Uninvited''] Force the vampire away by rescinding his invitation. |Uninvited>[Hint]|UninvitedHint>[](click: ?Uninvited)[(replace: ?UninvitedHint)[: Talk to the cashier and convince her there is a good reason to throw him out.]]] (if: $RunningWater is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Running Water''] (text-color: "gold")[Force the vampire away by flooding McDonalds with running water.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Running Water''] Force the vampire away by flooding McDonalds with running water. |RunningWater>[Hint]|RunningWaterHint>[](click: ?RunningWater)[(replace: ?RunningWaterHint)[: Examine the toilet. Break it. Yes seriously.]]]

(if: $cashier_statement is "")["Hey," I whisper conspiratorially. "Hi!" she says, not picking up on the whisper theme. "Are you feeling better?" "Sort of. You know that guy in that booth over there?" "Yes?" |vampire>["He's a vampire."] |badvibe>["I'm getting a bad vibe from him."] ](elseif: $cashier_statement is "vampire")[She blinks at me a few times. "You know. Toothy? Anemic? Tans easily?" "Um." "Twilight has lied to you. They're not cuddly." "Um." "Has he ordered anything? I bet he hasn't. You know why?" "Um." "He eats blood." "I'm really not allowed to talk to customers about...other customers." "Well I sure don't want to get you in trouble. I just want to stop him from murdering and eating you." "...do you want to order something?" |vampire2>[Continue] ](elseif: $cashier_statement is "vampire2")[Well that was kind of satisfying. I'm usually not that direct, since people tend to think I'm crazy. Case in point: how the cashier is looking at me now. And maybe I'll get to say 'I told you so' to her corpse. I hope not. [[Order food.->Order]] [[Go back to my booth.->Main Room]] ](elseif: $cashier_statement is "badvibe")["Really?" she says. "He seemed pretty nice to me. But if he does anything inappropriate, just let me know. I'll ask him to leave." Now THAT would be useful. Vampires can't go places if they're not invited. All restaurants have a universal-invitation-aura that mean they can come and go, but if a cashier rescinded his invitation? He'd have to get right out. |eye>["Would you keep an eye on him?"] |whats_in>["What's inappropriate?"] |said_inap>["He said something inappropriate to me."] |tripped>["He tripped me."] |vampire>["He's a vampire."] ](elseif: $cashier_statement is "whats_in")["You know," she says, waving a hand. "Talking or doing something inappropriate." Well that cleared it right up. I think I know what she means though. |eye>["Would you keep an eye on him?"] |said_inap>["He said something inappropriate to me."] |tripped>["He tripped me."] |vampire>["He's a vampire."] ](elseif: $cashier_statement is "eye")["Would you keep an eye on him?" I ask. "He hasn't done anything, but it would make me feel better." "Sure!" she says, perking up at the opportunity to be useful. Very new to the food service industry, this one. "Thanks," I say. (set: $cashier_alert to true) [[Order food.->Order]] [[Go back to my booth.->Main Room]] ](elseif: $cashier_statement is "tripped")["You know when I fell before?" I say, lowering my voice. This time she gets it, and lowers her voice with me: "Yeah?" "I didn't want to say it at the time, but he tripped me." "Oh my god. Really?" "Yeah. Stuck his leg out as I was going by." "That's awful! That's completely inappropriate. Just a second." [[Continue->tripped_throwout]] ](elseif: $cashier_statement is "said_inap")[(if: $dump_vamp is true)["He said something inappropriate to me," I tell her. "Oh dear," she says. "What?" "He came over and flirted with me for like a minute, then called me a bitch when I wouldn't leave with him." "//Seriously?//" "Yeah." "That's just...yuck." The cashier chews her lip for a moment. "My manager wouldn't like it, but he's not here right now, and that's majorly skeezy. Just a second." [[Continue->tripped_throwout]] ](else:)["He said something inappropriate to me," I tell her. "But you haven't talked at all," she points out. I pause. Then slowly nod. "Okay. That's fair." If I'm going to lie to her, apparently I have to be less transparent. She frowns at me. "Do you want to order something?" [[Order food.->Order]] [[Go back to my booth.->Main Room]] ] ] { (click: ?vampire)[(set: $cashier_statement to "vampire")(go-to: "Talk To Cashier")] (click: ?vampire2)[(set: $cashier_statement to "vampire2")(go-to: "Talk To Cashier")] (click: ?badvibe)[(set: $cashier_statement to "badvibe")(go-to: "Talk To Cashier")] (click: ?eye)[(set: $cashier_statement to "eye")(go-to: "Talk To Cashier")] (click: ?whats_in)[(set: $cashier_statement to "whats_in")(go-to: "Talk To Cashier")] (click: ?said_inap)[(set: $cashier_statement to "said_inap")(go-to: "Talk To Cashier")] (click: ?tripped)[(set: $cashier_statement to "tripped")(go-to: "Talk To Cashier")] (set: $talked_to_cashier to true)}

[[Main Room]] {(display: "startup values") (set: $SkipSave to true) (set: $Tick to false) (set: $LongTick to false) (set: $InIntro to false) (set: $DisplayTime to false) (set: $vampAware to true) (set: $bucket_trap to true) }

Adorable cashier marches out from behind the counter and over to the vampire. The vampire looks surprised that his intended meal is confronting him directly. He's even more surprised when she orders him out of the restaurant. It's fun to watch him double march to the door, glaring back in irritation as ancient rites of hospitality force his feet forward. He looks like he's trying out for Monty Python. I can't help but smile. (set: $Uninvited to true) [[Continue->heads towards the door.]]

(if: $bess_follow is true)[The cashier seems a little leery of Bess. I don't want to get us thrown out, so I keep my distance. [[Discrimination against the homeless is a sad reality of our world.->Main Room]] ](else:)[I walk up to the adorable cashier. She smiles at me. "Hi! Can I get you something?" (if: $food_orders < 3)[ [[Order food.->Order]] ](else:)[ |attempt>[Order food.] |attemptFail>[](click: ?attempt)[(replace: ?attemptFail)[//I couldn't eat another bite.//] ] ](if: $talked_to_cashier is false)[ [[Warn her.->Talk To Cashier]] ] [[Say nevermind and go do something else.->Main Room]] ]

Acknowledgments Acknowledgments / [[Endings]] / [[Unlockables]] / [[Other Games->Other Games End]] / |Restart>[Play Again] (click: ?Restart)[ (display: "Save Achievements")(savegame: "CurrentState", "RESTART")(reload:) ] ''Writing'' by Abigail Corfman ''Code'' by Abigail Corfman ''Vampire Facts'' by Leah Davydov ''Many Vampire Killing Ideas'' by Naomi Goodman ''The UV Light Idea'' by Anna Krystosek ''Beta Testers'' Adina Shanholtz Attica Flynn Beck E. Strauss Charles Whistler Danny Corfman Ephraim Gregor Gabriel Llopiz Garrett Norris Ilan Norwood Russ Cartwright Sam Berck

{(display: "startup values") (set: $SkipSave to true) (set: $Tick to false) (set: $LongTick to false) (set: $InIntro to false) (set: $DisplayTime to false)}(if: (datavalues: (savedgames:)) contains "RESTART" or (datavalues: (savedgames:)) contains "RESTART_SKIP")[{ (display: "Load Achievements") (display: "startup values") (if: (datavalues: (savedgames:)) contains "RESTART")[(go-to: "Night Off")](else:)[(set: $triggerMcDon to true)(go-to: "Main Room")]}](elseif: (savedgames:) contains "CurrentState")[Hey! I recognize you. You want to |goback>[go back to your old game?] Or maybe |Restart>[start a new one?] You can |RestartSkip>[skip the intro] this time. If you are enjoying this game, [[click here->Click here_Menu]] to learn about other things you might enjoy. {(display: "Load Achievements") (click: ?Restart)[(display: "Save Achievements")(savegame: "CurrentState", "RESTART")(reload:)] (click: ?RestartSkip)[(display: "Save Achievements")(savegame: "CurrentState", "RESTART_SKIP")(set: $triggerMcDon to true)(reload:)] (click: ?goback)[(load-game:((saved-games:)'s "CurrentState"))]} ](else:)[{(display: "startup values") (display: "initial settings") (go-to: "Night Off")}]

{(set: $Achievements to "") (if: $Uninvited is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "Uninvited")] (if: $MeltedByFaith is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "MeltedByFaith")] (if: $Staked is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "Staked")] (if: $Garliced is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "Garliced")] (if: $Crossed is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "Crossed")] (if: $Staked is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "Staked")] (if: $SnickerSnack is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "SnickerSnack")] (if: $ChickaBlast is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "ChickaBlast")] (if: $HolyWater is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "HolyWater")] (if: $DeathByHugs is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "DeathByHugs")] (if: $DeckTheHalls is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "DeckTheHalls")] (if: $HolySquirtGun is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "HolySquirtGun")] (if: $Sunlight is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "Sunlight")] (if: $Garliced is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "Garliced")] (if: $Fired is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "Fired")] (if: $EnthusiasticallyFired is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "EnthusiasticallyFired")] (if: $RunningWater is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "RunningWater")] (if: $SnickerSmash is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "SnickerSmash")] (if: $KilledCashier is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "KilledCashier")] (if: $CorinthiansDone is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "CorinthiansDone")] (if: $ShepherdPsalmDone is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "ShepherdPsalmDone")] (if: $FrancisDone is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "FrancisDone")] (if: $PaperTowelsDone is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "PaperTowelsDone")] (if: $HairPinDone is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "HairPinDone")] (if: $TapeJokeDone is true)[(set: $Achievements to $Achievements + "TapeJokeDone")] (savegame: "Achievements", $Achievements) (if: $CalmCount is null)[(savegame: "CalmCount", "0")](else:)[(savegame: "CalmCount", (text: $CalmCount ))] (if: $LeaveCount is null)[(savegame: "LeaveCount", "0")](else:)[(savegame: "LeaveCount", (text: $LeaveCount ))] (if: $RedCount is null)[(savegame: "RedCount", "0")](else:)[(savegame: "RedCount", (text: $RedCount ))] (if: $BlueCount is null)[(savegame: "BlueCount", "0")](else:)[(savegame: "BlueCount", (text: $BlueCount ))] (if: $PinkCount is null)[(savegame: "PinkCount", "0")](else:)[(savegame: "PinkCount", (text: $PinkCount ))] (if: $OrangeCount is null)[(savegame: "OrangeCount", "0")](else:)[(savegame: "OrangeCount", (text: $OrangeCount ))] (if: $TrueEnding is null)[(savegame: "TrueEnding", "")](else:)[(savegame: "TrueEnding", (text: $TrueEnding ))] }

{(if: (savedgames:) contains "Achievements")[ (set: $Achievements to (saved-games:)'s "Achievements") (if: "MeltedByFaith" is in $Achievements)[(set: $MeltedByFaith to true)] (if: "Uninvited" is in $Achievements)[(set: $Uninvited to true)] (if: "Staked" is in $Achievements)[(set: $Staked to true)] (if: "Garliced" is in $Achievements)[(set: $Garliced to true)] (if: "Crossed" is in $Achievements)[(set: $Crossed to true)] (if: "Staked" is in $Achievements)[(set: $Staked to true)] (if: "SnickerSnack" is in $Achievements)[(set: $SnickerSnack to true)] (if: "ChickaBlast" is in $Achievements)[(set: $ChickaBlast to true)] (if: "HolyWater" is in $Achievements)[(set: $HolyWater to true)] (if: "DeathByHugs" is in $Achievements)[(set: $DeathByHugs to true)] (if: "DeckTheHalls" is in $Achievements)[(set: $DeckTheHalls to true)] (if: "HolySquirtGun" is in $Achievements)[(set: $HolySquirtGun to true)] (if: "Sunlight" is in $Achievements)[(set: $Sunlight to true)] (if: "Garliced" is in $Achievements)[(set: $Garliced to true)] (if: "Fired" is in $Achievements)[(set: $Fired to true)] (if: "EnthusiasticallyFired" is in $Achievements)[(set: $EnthusiasticallyFired to true)] (if: "RunningWater" is in $Achievements)[(set: $RunningWater to true)] (if: "SnickerSmash" is in $Achievements)[(set: $SnickerSmash to true)] (if: "KilledCashier" is in $Achievements)[(set: $KilledCashier to true)] (if: "CorinthiansDone" is in $Achievements)[(set: $CorinthiansDone to true)] (if: "ShepherdPsalmDone" is in $Achievements)[(set: $ShepherdPsalmDone to true)] (if: "FrancisDone" is in $Achievements)[(set: $FrancisDone to true)] (if: "PaperTowelsDone" is in $Achievements)[(set: $PaperTowelsDone to true)] (if: "HairPinDone" is in $Achievements)[(set: $HairPinDone to true)] (if: "TapeJokeDone" is in $Achievements)[(set: $TapeJokeDone to true)] (set: $CalmCount to (num: (saved-games:)'s "CalmCount")) (set: $LeaveCount to (num: (saved-games:)'s "LeaveCount")) (set: $RedCount to (num: (saved-games:)'s "RedCount")) (set: $BlueCount to (num: (saved-games:)'s "BlueCount")) (set: $OrangeCount to (num: (saved-games:)'s "OrangeCount")) (set: $PinkCount to (num: (saved-games:)'s "PinkCount")) (set: $TrueEnding to (saved-games:)'s "TrueEnding") ]}

{(set: $Uninvited to false) (set: $Crossed to false) (set: $MeltedByFaith to false) (set: $Staked to false) (set: $SnickerSnack to false) (set: $ChickaBlast to false) (set: $DeckTheHalls to false) (set: $DeathByHugs to false) (set: $HolyWater to false) (set: $HolySquirtGun to false) (set: $Sunlight to false) (set: $Garliced to false) (set: $Fired to false) (set: $EnthusiasticallyFired to false) (set: $RunningWater to false) (set: $SnickerSmash to false) (set: $KilledCashier to false) (set: $CorinthiansDone to false) (set: $ShepherdPsalmDone to false) (set: $FrancisDone to false) (set: $PaperTowelsDone to false) (set: $HairPinDone to false) (set: $TapeJokeDone to false) (set: $TrueEnding to "") (set: $CalmCount to 0) (set: $LeaveCount to 0) (set: $RedCount to 0) (set: $BlueCount to 0) (set: $PinkCount to 0) (set: $OrangeCount to 0) }

(if: $bess_follow is true)[Bess cannot fit her cart through the narrow break in the counter and she refuses to leave it. Crap. Since I can't get Bess to the vampire anymore, I tell her thanks and that she can head back out. She quotes a bible verse at me and I give her a dollar. (set: $bess_follow to false) |kitchen>[To the kitchen.] ](else:)[The kitchen is raw metal decorated with [[juicy advertising]]. I can hear the cashier and the vampire making out at the |far>[far end of the kitchen]. Behind me is the |main>[main room of McDonalds].] {(click: ?main)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Main Room")] (click: ?kitchen)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Kitchen")] (click: ?far)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "far end of the kitchen")] (set: $Current_Location to "Kitchen")}

(if: $bess_follow is true and $previous is "Main Room")[Bess follows me outside. ]The street is empty, dark and cool. The door behind me leads |mcdonalds>[back into the McDonalds].(if: $bucket_trap is true)[ A bucket of holy water is precariously balanced above the door.](elseif: $inv_bucket is true and $inv_bucket_contains is "holy_water")[ Looking at the entrance while holding a bucket of holy water [[gives me an idea]]. ](if: $inv_wreath is true)[ The door looks [[distressingly unfestive]]. ](elseif: $wreath_hung is true)[ There's a holly wreath hung on the door or the McDonalds, mystically sealing the threshold so that the undead cannot enter or exit.] There's an |alley>[alley] on the far side of the building.(if: $bess_follow is false)[ A [[homeless woman->Talk To Homeless]] sits on a bench. (if: $street_first_time is true)[She's got a stack of Jesus pamphlets. She offers them to anyone who passes by, throwing in a bible quote for free.](elseif: $CurrentMinute%2 is 0 and $devout_quote_count < 22)[(set: $devout_quote_count to $devout_quote_count+1) (if: $devout_quote_count is 1)["Beloved, let us love one another," she says. "For love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. John, four seven."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 2)["Above all, love each other deeply," she says. "Because love covers over a multitude of sins. Peter, four eight."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 3)["You are altogether beautiful, my darling," she says. "There is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon, four seven."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 4)["Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer," she says. "Romans, twelve twelve."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 5)[The woman begins to quote something, then coughs a few times and takes a sip from a plastic bottle.](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 6)["Be strong and courageous," she says. "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua, one nine."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 7)["Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself," she says. "Each day has trouble enough of its own. Matthew six thirty four."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 8)["And surely I am with you always," she says. "To the very end of the age. Matthew twenty eight twenty."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 9)["Do not conform to the pattern of this world," she says. "But be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans, twelve two."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 10)["He has made everything beautiful in its time," she says. "He has also set eternity in the human heart. Ecclesiastes, three eleven."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 11)["The Lord bless you and keep you," she says. "The Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Numbers, six twenty four."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 12)[One of the few night walkers stops to talk to the woman. He says: "But you've got no proof." "Proof isn't the point, dear," she says. "Faith is the point. Faith is its own point."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 13)["Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace," she says. "Where there is hatred, let me sow love."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 14)["O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console," she says. "To be understood as to understand. To be loved as to love."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 15)["It is in giving that we receive," she says. "It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 16)["The Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want," she says. "He makes me to lie down in green pastures: he leads me beside the still waters. Psalms, twenty three."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 17)["If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels," she says. "But have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. Corinthians, thirteen one."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 18)["Love is patient," she says. "Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Corinthians, thirteen four."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 19)["Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking," she says. "It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Corinthians, thirteen five."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 20)["Love always protects," she says. "Always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Corinthians, thirteen seven."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 21)["And now these three remain: faith, hope and love," she says. "But the greatest of these is love. Corinthians, thirteen thirteen."](elseif: $devout_quote_count is 22)["There is a time for everything," she says. "And a season for every activity under the heavens." This quote seems to strike her powerfully as she says it and she lapses into thoughtful silence, not even bothering to cite the bible verse, like she usually does.] ] ](if: $bess_follow is true and $previous is not "Main Room")[ Bess is here.] |wait>[Wait](click: ?wait)[(set: $LongTick to true)(go-to: "Street")] {(click: ?mcdonalds)[(set: $triggerMcDon to true)(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Main Room")] (click: ?alley)[(set: $triggerNorm to true)(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Alley")] (set: $street_first_time to false) (set: $sequence to 0) (set: $Current_Location to "Street")}

(if: $bess_follow is true)[Bess shakes her head, refusing to go into the dark alley. "Not safe there, dear." [[That's fair.->Street]] ](else:)[I'm in a dark, dirty alleyway. (if: $alley_ambush_comment is false)[Perfect for an ambush.(set: $alley_ambush_comment to true)] There's a [[dumpster]].(if: $backup is "maggie")[ I can see Maggie lurking behind the dumpster. She's in position to ambush the vampire once I lure it out.](elseif: $backup is "luke")[ I can see Luke lurking behind the dumpster. He's in position to ambush the vampire once I lure it out.] Lamplight behind me leads the way back to the |street>[street]. |wait>[Wait](click: ?wait)[(set: $LongTick to true)(go-to: "Alley")] (set: $sequence to 0) (set: $Current_Location to "Alley")] (click: ?street)[(set: $triggerNorm to true)(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Street")]

(if: $bess_follow is true)[I'm not taking Bess into the bathroom with me. That would be weird. [[Don't want to be weird.->Main Room]] ](else:)[It's a one room bathroom. Relatively clean. There's a [[sink]], a [[toilet]], and a [[paper towel dispenser]]. (if: $closet_open is false)[There's a [[small gray supply cabinet->supply cabinet]] in one wall. ](else:)[The [[supply cabinet]] is open. ](if: $sanitizer_taken is false)[An [[air sanitizer]] is plugged into the wall. ]A door leads back to the |main>[McDonalds proper]. |wait>[Wait](click: ?wait)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Bathroom")] (set: $sequence to 0) (click: ?main)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Main Room")] (set: $Current_Location to "Bathroom")]

(if: $Current_Location is not "Kitchen")[Someone screams. (set: $Current_Location to "Kitchen") Female. Young. Terrified. (set: $DisplayTime to false) It's coming from the kitchen of the McDonalds. I break into a run. [[I arrive too late.->Claire Dies]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 0)[The vampire has the cashier pressed against a juice dispenser. (set: $death_hint to "Gotta act faster. The vampire will eat the cashier at midnight unless I do something.") He shifts abruptly from playful kisses to gouging her throat with his canines. Her screams are cut off as she loses her larynx. I see her lips convulsing soundlessly as he pushes his tongue into the hole he's made and widens it and sucks. |attack>[Attack him.] (click: ?attack)[(set: $death_sequence to 3)(go-to: "Claire Dies")] |run>[Run.] (click: ?run)[(set: $death_sequence to 1)(go-to: "Claire Dies")] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 1)[It's the only sane thing to do. (set: $death_sequence to 2) He's in a feeding frenzy. If he sees me I'm dead. (set: $triggerNorm to true) I have to cut my losses. I have to get away. If I survive I can save more people, [[on other nights.->Claire Dies]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 2)[ (go-to: "Run Away") ](elseif: $death_sequence is 3)[I'm seeing red. It's not just the blood on the floor. He's stronger than me. He's faster than me. I should be careful and clever. But I can't. Not right now. I grab the closest thing at hand that feels like a weapon: (set: $death_sequence to 0) [[Fire Extinguisher]] |broom>[Broom] (click: ?broom)[(set: $death_sequence to 4)(go-to: "Claire Dies")] |fry>[Fryer Basket] (click: ?fry)[(set: $death_sequence to 6)(go-to: "Claire Dies")] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 4)[I grab a broom. (set: $death_sequence to 5) I crack it over my leg with strength I wouldn't have if I weren't so angry. [[I stab the vampire in the heart with it.->Claire Dies]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 5)[The broken end sinks straight into his heart. Unfortunately, the broom is plastic. Fucking modern plastic. You can't stake a vampire with plastic. [[He turns around and kills me.->Endings]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 6)[I grab a fryer basket, full of fries dripping with hot oil. (set: $death_sequence to 7) I swing it two handed at the back of his head with strength I wouldn't have if I weren't so angry. He chokes on blood as it brands the side of his face with a [[crosshatch of burns.->Claire Dies]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 7)[But it's not heavy enough to do real damage. And in his frenzy he ignores the pain. [[He turns around and kills me.->Endings]] ]

I get up and head towards the cashier and the vampire. The vampire turns and GLARES at me. I back the fuck up. He's territorial about his prey. [[And I cannot take that dude head on.->Main Room]]

{(if: $triggerMcDon is true)[<div style="display:none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$('body').removeClass().addClass('mcdon')" /></div><div style="display:none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$('tw-story').removeClass().addClass('mcdon')" />(set: $triggerMcDon to false)(set: $NoInv to false)] (if: $triggerDeath is true)[<div style="display:none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="helpSound();" /></div> <div style="display:none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$('body').removeClass().addClass('death')" /></div><div style="display:none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$('tw-story').removeClass().addClass('death')" />(set: $triggerDeath to false)(set: $NoInv to true)] (if: $triggerNorm is true)[<div style="display:none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$('body').removeClass().addClass('normal')" /></div><div style="display:none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$('tw-story').removeClass().addClass('normal')" />(set: $triggerNorm to false)(set: $NoInv to false)] (if: $DisplayTime is true)[(if: $Tick)[(set: $CurrentMinute to $CurrentMinute + 1)(if: $vampire_melt_count > -1)[(set: $vampire_melt_count to $vampire_melt_count+1)]] (if: $LongTick)[(set: $CurrentMinute to $CurrentMinute + 5)(if: $vampire_melt_count > -1)[(set: $vampire_melt_count to $vampire_melt_count+5)]] (set: $LongTick to false) (set: $Tick to false)] (if: $CurrentMinute > 59 and $Claire_Dying is false)[(set: $Claire_Dying to true)(set: $death_sequence to 0)(go-to: "Claire Dies")] (if: $vampAtKitchen is false and $vampire_melt_count > 20)[(set: $sequence to 0)(set: $vampire_melt_count to -1)(go-to: "Vampire melts")] (if: (history:)'s length is not 0)[(set: $previous to (history:)'s last)] }

(if: $previous is "Main Room")[I slide into](else:)[I'm sitting in] a typical McDonalds booth. (if: $strawShapes is "circles")[There are a lot of tiny circles made of drinking straws.](elseif: $strawShapes is "squares")[There are a lot of tiny squares made of drinking straws.](elseif: $strawShapes is "crosses")[I am surrounded by tiny [[crosses made of drinking straws]].](else:)[There's a bunch of [[drinking straws]] on the seat next to me. Someone must have dropped them.] (if: $bess_follow is true)[ (if: $previous is "Main Room")[Bess sits down on the opposite seat and watches me curiously.](else:)[Bess is sitting opposite me.] ] [[I'm done here.->Main Room]]

(if: $last_action is "straws_tried_take")[Nah. There are too many of them and they'd be awkward to stuff into my pockets.](elseif: $last_action is "straws_tried_stake")[You're silly. Seriously now. What should I do with the drinking straws?](else:)[What should I do with the drinking straws?] |take_straws>[Take them.] |stake_vamp>[Stake the vampire with them.] [[Twist them into interesting shapes.]] [[Nothing.->booth]] {(click: ?take_straws)[(set: $straws_tried_take to true)(set: $last_action to "straws_tried_take")(go-to: "drinking straws")] (click: ?stake_vamp)[(set: $straws_tried_stake to true)(set: $last_action to "straws_tried_stake")(go-to: "drinking straws")] }

What shapes are you thinking? (set: $LongTick to true) |circles>[Circles] |squares>[Squares] |crosses>[Crosses] {(click: ?circles)[(set: $strawShapes to "circles")(go-to: "straw shapes")] (click: ?squares)[(set: $strawShapes to "squares")(go-to: "straw shapes")] (click: ?crosses)[(set: $strawShapes to "crosses")(go-to: "straw shapes")]}

(if: $strawShapes is "circles")[I take the straws and spend five minutes curling them into circles. I make little slits in the ends so I can fold them into each other. They're awkward, lumpy circles with corners. It's okay. I like awkward lumpy things. I spent my teenage years as an awkward lumpy thing.](if: $strawShapes is "squares")[I take the straws and spend five minutes folding them into squares. I make little slits in the ends so I can fold them into each other. I make four little folds in each straw to be the corners. The easiest shape is really a rectangle--that way I can take advantage of the pre-made corner at the top of the straw. I am now surrounded by tiny squares.](if: $strawShapes is "crosses")[I take the straws and spend five minutes folding them into crosses. I try to weave them together into a palm frond cross. I did this once in Sunday school. It is WAY harder than I remember. Eventually I wuss out and make cheap, lazy crosses by twisting them apart at the bendy bit, cutting a slit near the top of the long piece, and shoving the small piece through the slit. I end up with a lot of crosses.] [[Continue->straw result]]

(if: $strawShapes is "circles" or $strawShapes is "squares")[(go-to: "booth")](else:)[(if: $vampAtKitchen is false)[The vampire has started glancing at me. He seems a little uncomfortable.](else:)[So many crosses. I wish the vampire were here to see him, instead of off in the kitchen, making out with the cashier.] [[Continue->crosses made of drinking straws]] ]

There are a whole bunch of tiny crosses and only a few drinking straws left.(if: $inv_necklace is true)[ I have used all the cool crosses in my necklace and only the sucky, misshapen crosses are left. [[Feel a little sorry for the reject crosses, but ultimately ignore them.->booth]] ](else:)[ |cross>[Fold more crosses.] (click: ?cross)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Fold more crosses.")] |neck>[Make a cross necklace.] (click: ?neck)[(go-to: "Make a cross necklace.")] [[Stop this madness.->booth]] ] (set: $sequence to 0)

Sunday school has come back to me and I'm producing some quality crosses now. I line them up at the edge of my table like a teeny-tiny crucifixion field. (if: $vampAtKitchen is false)[The vampire looks like he wants to puke. (set: $Crossed to true) He gets up and [[heads towards the door.]] ](else:)[Unfortunately, the vampire has retreated into the kitchen with the cashier. So he's not here to appreciate my hard work. [[Darn it.->booth]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[I'll need string to tie the crosses together into a necklace. What should I use to make the string? (if: $inv_paper_count > 1)[ |towels>[Paper towels.] (click: ?towels)[(set: $sequence to 1)(go-to: "Make a cross necklace.")] ](else:)[ |towels>[Paper towels.] |towelsFail>[](click: ?towels)[(replace: ?towelsFail)[//I don't have enough. I would need at least two.//] ] ] (if: $inv_pam is true)[ |pam>[Religious pamphlet.] (click: ?pam)[(set: $sequence to 2)(go-to: "Make a cross necklace.")] ](else:)[ |pam>[Religious pamphlet.] |pamFail>[](click: ?pam)[(replace: ?pamFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] (if: $inv_wreath is true)[ |wreath>[Wreath.] (click: ?wreath)[(set: $sequence to 3)(go-to: "Make a cross necklace.")] ](else:)[ |wreath>[Wreath.] |wreathFail>[](click: ?wreath)[(replace: ?wreathFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] [[Nevermind.->booth]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[I take a couple of my paper towels and I roll them up so that they're long and narrow. I tie the ends together. I try to tie it around one of my straw-crosses. Unfortunately, it's too delicate, and falls apart. (set: $Tick to true)(set: $sequence to 0)(set: $inv_paper_count to $inv_paper_count - 2) [[Darn.->Make a cross necklace.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[I take the Jesus pamphlet out of my pocket. I unfold it completely and roll it up tight so that it's long and narrow. I try to tie it around one of my straw-crosses. It's thin enough that I can bend it like twine, but thick enough that it doesn't fall apart. Plus, it adds extra religion to my necklace. (set: $sequence to 4) [[Score.->Make a cross necklace.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[I pick at the wreath, trying to unwrap some of the branches to see if they're long enough to make a necklace. It turns out they're glued together pretty tightly, and when I manage to peel a branch, it just flakes off in twigs. Also, holly is sharp. (set: $Tick to true)(set: $sequence to 0) [[Ow.->Make a cross necklace.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[I select the best of my drinking straw crosses and string them together with the pamphlet-twine. The result looks like something out of Van Helsing's Kindergarten and Daycare, but it might just save my life, so I put it on. (set: $inv_necklace to true) [[Continue->booth]] ]

(if: $wreath_hung is true)[The vampire reaches front door, but recoils when he sees the holly wreath. (if: $previous is "Ask Bess to pamphlet him." or $previous is "Ask Bess to banish him.")[ [[Continue->Scripture Struggle]] ](if: $previous is "tripped_throwout")[ [[Continue->explode on holly]] ](if: $previous is "Lucy_dies")[ [[Continue->death by hugs door]] ](if: $previous is "Fold more crosses.")[ [[Continue->melt on crosses]] ] ](elseif: $bucket_trap is true)[The vampire opens the door and the bucket of holy water crashes down on his head.(if: $previous is "toilet end")[ The cashier rushes out of the bathroom to see what the commotion is.] [[Continue->Holy water melt]] ](else:)[The vampire gets through the door and escapes out into the night. [[Continue->drive off ending]] ] (set: $sequence to 0)

I'm at the sink. |wash>[Wash my hands.] (click: ?wash)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Wash my hands.")] (if: $inv_bucket is true)[ [[Fill the bucket with water.]] ](else:)[ |water>[Fill the bucket with water.] |waterHas>[](click: ?water)[(replace: ?waterHas)[//I'll need to get a bucket first.//] ] ] (if: $inv_squirt is true)[ |water_load>[Load squirt gun with water.](click: ?water_load)[(go-to: "squirt gun load sink")] ](else:)[ |attempt_water_load>[Load squirt gun with water.] |attempt_water_loadFail>[](click: ?attempt_water_load)[(replace: ?attempt_water_loadFail)[//I don't have a squirt gun.//] ] ] [[I'm done here.->Bathroom]]

I'm good, thanks. [[Stop up the toilet.]] [[Continue->Bathroom]]

(if: $sequence is 0 and $taken_paper_count is 50)[The paper towel dispenser is empty. I guess I've been a little inconsiderate in the name of saving people from the undead.](elseif: $sequence is 0)[This McDonalds is not futuristic enough to have hot air driers, so this is how we roll.(set: $sequence to 1)](elseif: $taken_paper_count is 1)[Okay. I've got a paper towel.](elseif: $taken_paper_count is 2)[I've got two paper towels.](elseif: $taken_paper_count is 3)[Three, three paper towels. Ah ah ah.](elseif: $taken_paper_count is 4)[Four paper towels.](elseif: $taken_paper_count is 50)[I dispense paper like a madwoman until the machine is empty. I stuff the bushel of brown paper into my pockets. Some scatter around me like confetti. (set: $PaperTowelsDone to true) I giggle.] (if: $taken_paper_count < 4)[|take_towel>[Take a paper towel.] (click: ?take_towel)[ (set: $inv_paper_count to $inv_paper_count + 1)(set: $taken_paper_count to $taken_paper_count + 1)(go-to: "paper towel dispenser") ] (if: $PaperTowelsDone is true)[|take_all_towel>[Take a million paper towels.] (click: ?take_all_towel)[ (set: $Tick to true)(set: $inv_paper_count to 50)(set: $taken_paper_count to 50)(go-to: "paper towel dispenser") ] ] ](elseif: $taken_paper_count < 50)[|take_all_towel>[Take a million paper towels.] (click: ?take_all_towel)[ (set: $inv_paper_count to $inv_paper_count + 46)(set: $taken_paper_count to $taken_paper_count + 46)(go-to: "paper towel dispenser") ] ][[I'm done here.->Bathroom]]

(if: $sequence is 0)[The plunger has a wooden handle. That's its most important feature, as far as I'm concerned. (set: $Tick to true) |make_stake>[Break it and make a stake.] (click: ?make_stake)[ (set: $sequence to $sequence + 1)(go-to: "plunger") ] [[Leave it.->Bathroom]] ](if: $sequence is 1)[I wedge the plunger into the crevice behind the toilet and pull back hard. It cracks satisfyingly into a jagged end. I discard the plunger part. There aren't any legends about killing vampires with rubber. (set: $inv_stake to true) (set: $plunger_taken to true) |listen>[Continue] (click: ?listen)[(set: $sequence to $sequence + 1)(go-to: "plunger") ] ](if: $sequence is 2)[I pause to listen for signs that the cashier heard me and is coming to investigate my vandalism. Nothing. I hope that's because she's inattentive, and not because he ate her. (set: $cashier_queer_look to true) [[Got stake. Will travel.->Bathroom]] ]

I wash my hands. Such clean. Many soap. So hygiene. Wow. [[I'm done here.->Bathroom]]

(if: $inv_bucket_fixed is false)[I try to fill the bucket with water, but it all just runs out through the crack in the side. There's a reason this thing was in a dumpster. I'll have to fix that if I want to use this.](else:)[(if: $inv_bucket_contains is "")[Seems a natural thing to do with a bucket. I've got a bucket of water.(set: $inv_bucket_contains to "water")](else:)[The bucket is already full of water.] ] (set: $Tick to true) [[Continue->sink]]

I open the dumpster and peek inside.(if: $dumpster_regret is false)[(set: $dumpster_regret to true) It's the dumpster behind a restaurant, so I instantly regret this.] (if: $bucket_taken is false)[Inside there's [[rotting food]], [[black bags]], and a [[plastic mop bucket]].](else:)[Inside there's [[rotting food]] and [[black bags]].] [[I'm done here.->Alley]]

There is no way that the potential vampire fighting utility of that stuff would be worth touching it. [[Yuck->Alley]]

(if: $wreath_taken is true and $sequence is 0)[The black garbage bags have been torn open. There's nothing interesting inside. [[Oh well.->Alley]] ](elseif: $sequence is 0)[(if: $wreath_visible is true)[The black garbage bags have been torn open.](else:)[I prod the black bags until they tear.(set: $Tick to true)] Most are just full of food, but there's an old christmas wreath in one. (set: $wreath_visible to true) |take>[Take wreath.] [[No thanks. I'm agnostic.->Alley]] (click: ?take)[(set: $sequence to 1)(set: $wreath_taken to true)(set: $inv_wreath to true)(go-to: "black bags")] ](else:)[I pull the wreath out of the dumpster and shake garbage off of it. It's in pretty good condition given that it's March. I'm not interested in the wreath so much for its festive cheer. It's more because holly is a holy plant that's like arsenic for vampires. If arsenic made you explode when you touched it. I should work on that simile. (set: $Tick to true) [[Christmas got.->Alley]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[It's bright yellow and there's a large crack in the side. |get_bucket>[Take it.] (click: ?get_bucket)[ (set: $sequence to $sequence + 1)(go-to: "plastic mop bucket") ] [[Don't need it.->Alley]] ](else:)[I drag out the bucket. It's bulky, but I can carry it. (set: $inv_bucket to true)(set: $bucket_taken to true) (set: $Tick to true) [[Bucket got!->Alley]] ]

(if: $homeless_attitude is 7)[I walk up to the homeless woman. "Thank you," I tell her. "You are welcome, dear." ](elseif: $homeless_attitude < 1)[I walk over to the homeless woman. She ignores me. Looks like I've pissed her off. ](elseif: $sequence is 0)[I walk over to the homeless woman. (set: $sequence to 1) "Hello dear," she says. ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "")[I walk over to the homeless woman. "Hello dear," she says. ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "smiles")[She smiles. (set: $homeless_offer_pam to true) ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "jesus")["Only if you'd like to talk about him." (set: $homeless_offer_pam to true) ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "take_pam")[I accept the pamphlet. She likes that. (set: $inv_pam to true) ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "refuse_pam")[I refuse the pamphlet. She seems a little sad, but doesn't hold it against me. ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "dollar")[She accepts the money. "One gives freely, yet grows all the richer. Proverbs, eleven twenty four. Thank you, dear." ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "quotes")["I like your quotes," I tell her. "They're a lot more, I don't know, not preachy than what I usually hear." She smiles. "I just say what's most beautiful." ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "believe")["On account I can feel God loving me," she says. "And you too." ](if: $homeless_offer_pam is true and $inv_pam is false and $homeless_refuse_pam is false)[She offers me a pamphlet. |take_pam>[Take it.] |refuse_pam>[Refuse.] ](elseif: $homeless_attitude > 0)[ (if: $homeless_hi is false)[|hi>["Hi."] (set: $homeless_hi to true) ](if: $inv_pam is true and $homeless_believe is false)[|believe>["Why do you believe in this?"] ](if: $homeless_quotes is false)[|quotes>["I like your quotes."] ](if: $homeless_jesus is false)[|jesus>["Do you want to talk to me about Jesus?"] ]|direct>["On a scale of one to ten, do you think you believe in God enough to exorcise an evil spirit?"] |help>["Do you think you could help me?"] (if: $homeless_dollar is false)[|dollar>[Offer her a dollar.] ]][[Leave.->Street]] {(click: ?take_pam)[(set: $homeless_statement to "take_pam")(set: $inv_pam to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless")] (click: ?refuse_pam)[(set: $homeless_statement to "refuse_pam")(set: $homeless_refuse_pam to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless")] (click: ?hi)[(set: $homeless_statement to "smiles")(set: $homeless_hi to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless")] (click: ?quotes)[(set: $homeless_attitude to $homeless_attitude + 1)(set: $homeless_statement to "quotes")(set: $homeless_quotes to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless")] (click: ?jesus)[(set: $homeless_statement to "jesus")(set: $homeless_jesus to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless")] (click: ?dollar)[(set: $homeless_attitude to $homeless_attitude + 1)(set: $homeless_statement to "dollar")(set: $homeless_dollar to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless")] (click: ?quotes)[(set: $homeless_attitude to $homeless_attitude + 1)(set: $homeless_statement to "quotes")(set: $homeless_quotes to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless")] (click: ?believe)[(set: $homeless_statement to "believe")(set: $homeless_believe to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless")] (click: ?direct)[(set: $homeless_attitude to $homeless_attitude - 1)(set: $homeless_statement to "direct")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless 2")] (click: ?help)[(set: $homeless_statement to "help")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless 3")]}

(if: $homeless_statement is "direct")[She frowns. "It's not nice to make fun, girl." |serious>["I'm serious."] |sorry>["I'm sorry."] ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "serious")[She frowns deeper. She doesn't say anything. |crazy>["Please."] |honest>["Sorry I said anything. Goodbye."] |honest>[Leave.] ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "honest")[I have to get over this shit habit of being honest with people. (set: $homeless_attitude to 0) [[Continue->Street]] ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "sorry")["I forgive you," she says. It's the most unpretentious way I've ever heard those three words said ever. |crazy>["I seriously could use your help with a vampire though."] [[Leave.->Street]] ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "crazy")[Her face softens. "Be careful, girl," she says. "It's not a fun life when people think you're crazy." |burden>["Will you help me, though?"] ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "leave")[(set: $homeless_attitude to $homeless_attitude - 1)(if: $homeless_attitude < 1)[The woman, apparently tired of being yanked around, turns away from me and begins ignoring me. I don't think she's going to help. Crap.](if: $homeless_attitude is < 3)[The woman seems exasperated with me, but nods and goes back to her pamphlet distribution.](else:)["Oh. All right, dear. Come back when you are ready, I suppose."] [[Continue->Street]] ] {(click: ?serious)[(set: $homeless_statement to "serious")(go-to: "Talk To Homeless 2")] (click: ?honest)[(set: $homeless_statement to "honest")(go-to: "Talk To Homeless 2")] (click: ?serious)[(set: $homeless_attitude to $homeless_attitude - 1)(set: $homeless_statement to "serious")(go-to: "Talk To Homeless 2")] (click: ?sorry)[(set: $homeless_attitude to $homeless_attitude + 1)(set: $homeless_statement to "sorry")(go-to: "Talk To Homeless 2")] (click: ?crazy)[(set: $homeless_statement to "crazy")(go-to: "Talk To Homeless 2")] (click: ?burden)[(set: $homeless_statement to "burden")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Talk To Homeless 3")]}

(if: $homeless_statement is "burden")["Bear one another's burdens," she mutters. Then she asks: "What do you need, girl?" ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "help")["I would love my neighbor as myself," she says. "So, yes?" I ask. "What do you need, dear?" ](elseif: $homeless_statement is "odd")[She just watches me. ] (if: $inv_bucket is true and $inv_bucket_contains is "water")[ [["I need you to bless this water."->Bless Water]] ](else:)[ |water>["I need you to bless this water."] |waterHas>[](click: ?water)[(replace: ?waterHas)[//I'll need to get some water first.//] ] ] |evil>["There's an evil man inside there and I think you could drive him away with your faith."] |vampire>["I need you to drive away a vampire."] |leave>["Actually give me a second, I'll be back."] { (click: ?odd)[(set: $homeless_statement to "odd")(go-to: "Talk To Homeless 3")] (click: ?leave)[(set: $homeless_statement to "leave")(go-to: "Talk To Homeless 2")] (click: ?evil)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Homeless Test")] (click: ?vampire)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Homeless Test")]}

(if: $sequence is 1)["Bless?" her eyes widen. "I'm not a priest." "It doesn't matter," I tell her. "You believe." (set: $sequence to 2) [[Continue->Bless Water]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[(if: $inv_salt is true)["You need salt, dear," she tells me. "Can't be only water. It needs salt." "Got that," I say, producing the bit of salt I got off my fries and giving it to her. (set: $sequence to 3) [[Continue->Bless Water]] ](else:)["You need salt, dear," she tells me. "Can't be only water. It needs salt." "Oh," I say. "Crap. I'll be back." [[Go find salt.->Street]] ] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[The woman touches the water in the mop bucket with her fingertip. (set: $Tick to true) "The Blessing of the Father Almighty be upon this Creature of Salt, and let all malignity and hindrance be cast forth hence from, and let all good enter herein, for without Thee man cannot live, wherefore I bless thee and invoke thee, that thou mayest aid me." She sprinkles the salt into the water and recites more prayers. Then she gives it to me. "I hope it does good," she says. "It will," I promise. (set: $inv_bucket_contains to "holy_water") (set: $homeless_attitude to 7) [[Holy water got!->Street]] ]

(if: $sequence is 7)["Then I guess you might pray to God for guidance, girl. Just pick one:](else:)[She doesn't speak for a while. Then she says: "I don't quite know what to make of you. But I know a way to tell a good soul from bad." "You speak with me about the words of the good book. The words of love. We'll see how well you know them. Tell me girl, which you like best:] |Corinthians>[Corinthians](if: $homeless_attitude is < 3)[ or the |ShepherdPsalm>[Shepherd Psalm]?"](else:)[, the |ShepherdPsalm>[Shepherd Psalm], or |SaintFrancisPrayer>[Saint Francis' Prayer]?"](if: $sequence is not 7)[ |DontKnow>[I don't know any of those things.] ] {(click: ?Ecclesiastes)[(set: $scripture_pick to "Ecclesiastes")(go-to: "listen")] (click: ?Corinthians)[(set: $scripture_pick to "Corinthians")(go-to: "listen")] (click: ?ShepherdPsalm)[(set: $scripture_pick to "Shepherd Psalm")(go-to: "listen")] (click: ?SaintFrancisPrayer)[(set: $scripture_pick to "Saint Francis' Prayer")(go-to: "listen")] (click: ?DontKnow)[(set: $sequence to 7)(go-to: "Homeless Test")] (set: $do_scripture to false)}

(if: $CorinthiansDone is true and $do_scripture is false)[Wait. I've done this scripture before. I know it already. (set: $do_scripture to true) If I want to, I can just [[give her the answer we did last time->Scripture Win]], and move on. Or I can [[do it again.->Corinthians]] ](else:)[I Corinthians 13 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging (set: $word1 to "bell")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["bell", "cymbal", "tambourine"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word1");'>$word1</tw-link>. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move (set: $word2 to "mountains")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["mountains", "armies", "hearts"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word2");'>$word2</tw-link>, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the (set: $word3 to "sea")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["sea", "ice", "flames", "void"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word3");'>$word3</tw-link>, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily (set: $word4 to "frightened")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["frightened", "angered", "annoyed", "bestirred"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word4");'>$word4</tw-link>, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the (set: $word5 to "truth")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["truth", "good", "sky", "butterflies"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word5");'>$word5</tw-link>. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when (set: $word6 to "love")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["love", "good", "perfection"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word6");'>$word6</tw-link> comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a (set: $word7 to "larva")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["larva", "chicken", "robot", "jerk", "child"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word7");'>$word7</tw-link>, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a (set: $word8 to "mirror")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["mirror", "pool", "glass"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word8");'>$word8</tw-link>; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is (set: $word9 to "faith")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["faith", "love", "hope"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word9");'>$word9</tw-link>. |correct>[These are the correct words.] (click: ?correct)[Are you sure? [[Yes.->word check]] [[No.->Corinthians]] ] ]

(if: $ShepherdPsalmDone is true and $do_scripture is false)[Wait. I've done this scripture before. I know it already. (set: $do_scripture to true) If I want to, I can just [[give her the answer we did last time->Scripture Win]], and move on. Or I can [[do it again.->Shepherd Psalm]] ](else:)[Psalm 23, the Shepherd Psalm The (set: $word1 to "FATHER")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["FATHER", "LORD", "GOD"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word1");'>$word1</tw-link> is my shepherd; I shall not (set: $word2 to "need")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["need", "desire", "want"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word2");'>$word2</tw-link>. He (set: $word3 to "maketh")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["maketh", "sends", "guides"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word3");'>$word3</tw-link> me to lie down in (set: $word4 to "golden")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["golden", "purple", "green", "orange", "blue", "puce", "hot pink"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word4");'>$word4</tw-link> pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He (set: $word5 to "fills")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["fills", "redeems", "restoreth", "sootheth"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word5");'>$word5</tw-link> my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of (set: $word6 to "righteousness")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["righteousness", "goodness", "faith", "blessedness"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word6");'>$word6</tw-link> for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of (set: $word7 to "darkness")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["darkness", "doom", "death", "dread"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word7");'>$word7</tw-link>, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine (set: $word10 to "family")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["family", "enemies", "allies", "friends"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word10");'>$word10</tw-link>: thou anointest my head with (set: $word8 to "water")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["water", "holy water", "blood", "oil"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word8");'>$word8</tw-link>; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the (set: $word9 to "FATHER")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["FATHER", "LORD", "GOD"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word9");'>$word9</tw-link> for ever. |correct>[These are the correct words.] (click: ?correct)[Are you sure? [[Yes.->word check]] [[No.->Shepherd Psalm]] ] ]

(if: $FrancisDone is true and $do_scripture is false)[Wait. I've done this scripture before. I know it already. (set: $do_scripture to true) If I want to, I can just [[give her the answer we did last time->Scripture Win]], and move on. Or I can [[do it again.->Saint Francis' Prayer]] ](else:)[Prayer of Saint Francis Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow (set: $word1 to "pardon")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["pardon", "faith", "hope", "light", "joy", "love"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word1");'>$word1</tw-link>; Where there is injury, (set: $word2 to "faith")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["faith", "hope", "light", "joy", "love", "pardon"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word2");'>$word2</tw-link>; Where there is doubt, (set: $word3 to "light")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["light", "joy", "love", "pardon", "faith", "hope"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word3");'>$word3</tw-link>; Where there is despair, (set: $word4 to "love")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["love", "pardon", "faith", "hope", "light", "joy"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word4");'>$word4</tw-link>; Where there is darkness, (set: $word5 to "joy")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["joy", "love", "pardon", "faith", "hope", "light"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word5");'>$word5</tw-link>; Where there is sadness, (set: $word6 to "hope")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["hope", "light", "joy", "love", "pardon", "faith"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word6");'>$word6</tw-link>. O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek To be consoled as to (set: $word7 to "love")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["love", "console", "understand"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word7");'>$word7</tw-link>, To be understood as to (set: $word8 to "console")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["console", "understand", "love"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word8");'>$word8</tw-link>, To be loved as to (set: $word9 to "understand")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["understand", "love", "console"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word9");'>$word9</tw-link>; For it is in giving that we receive; It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; It is in dying to self that we are born to (set: $word10 to "eternal life")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["eternal life", "eternal love", "you"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$word10");'>$word10</tw-link>. |correct>[These are the correct words.] (click: ?correct)[Are you sure? [[Yes.->word check]] [[No.->Saint Francis' Prayer]] ] ]

She starts quoting again, a long passage this time. It doesn't sound quite right, though. There are words that don't quite fit. |listen>[Listen] (click: ?listen)[(go-to: $scripture_pick)]

[[Bathroom]] (display: "startup values") (set: $inv_wreath to true) (set: $inv_paper_count to 50)

(if: $scripture_pick is "Shepherd Psalm" and $word1 is "LORD" and $word2 is "want" and $word3 is "maketh" and $word4 is "green" and $word5 is "restoreth" and $word6 is "righteousness" and $word7 is "death" and $word8 is "oil" and $word9 is "LORD" and $word10 is "enemies")[ (go-to: "Scripture Win") ](elseif: $scripture_pick is "Saint Francis' Prayer" and $word1 is "love" and $word2 is "pardon" and $word3 is "faith" and $word4 is "hope" and $word5 is "light" and $word6 is "joy" and $word7 is "console" and $word8 is "understand" and $word9 is "love" and $word10 is "eternal life")[ (go-to: "Scripture Win") ](elseif: $scripture_pick is "Corinthians" and $word1 is "cymbal" and $word2 is "mountains" and $word3 is "flames" and $word4 is "angered" and $word5 is "truth" and $word6 is "perfection" and $word7 is "child" and $word8 is "mirror" and $word9 is "love")[ (go-to: "Scripture Win") ](else:)[(go-to: "Scripture Lose")] (set: $Tick to true)

She shakes her head. "I can't get your measure girl. I won't go off on a goose chase with you. A woman in my position has to be careful." She settles down more firmly on her bench and looks away from me. (set: $homeless_attitude to 0) [[Oh well.->Street]]

(if: $sequence is 10)["Okay," she says suddenly. "What do you want me to do, girl?" [["Follow me."]] (if: $inv_bucket is true and $inv_bucket_contains is "water" and $inv_salt is true)[ [["I need you to bless this water."->Bless Water]] ](else:)[ |water>["I need you to bless this water."] |waterHas>[](click: ?water)[(replace: ?waterHas)[//Can't do this. I need water and salt and I don't have them both.//] ] ] ](elseif: $sequence is 9)[I register that her left eye is a lighter brown than her right eye. We keep looking into each others eyes. My shoulders relax. (set: $sequence to 10) [[Continue->Scripture Win]] ](else:)[She looks squarely into my eyes. I glance from one of her eyes to the other to her nose, unsure where to rest my gaze. I smile nervously. I don't look away. (set: $sequence to 9) [[Continue->Scripture Win]] {(if: $scripture_pick is "Corinthians")[(set: $CorinthiansDone to true)] (if: $scripture_pick is "Shepherd Psalm")[(set: $ShepherdPsalmDone to true)] (if: $scripture_pick is "Saint Francis' Prayer")[(set: $FrancisDone to true)]} ]

She stands. She shuffles her pamphlets into a neat pile and tucks them inside the top garabage bag on her cart. "What's your name?" I ask, since we're going to be walking together. "Bess, dear," says Bess. She's ready to follow me. (set: $bess_follow to true) [[Awesome.->Street]]

The vampire is pale and dressed in black leather and basically just being an Anne Rice cliche all over (if: $vampAtCashier is false)[the McDonalds booth he's lounging on.](elseif: $vampAtKitchen is false)[the cashier he's flirting with.](else:)[the cashier he's making out with.] What should I do about him? (if: $bess_follow is false)[ [[Throw my Zippo lighter at him.->Zippo Fail]] (if: $inv_stake is true)[ [[Stake him.->Stake him. failure]] ](else:)[ |stake>[Stake him.] |stakeFail>[](click: ?stake)[(replace: ?stakeFail)[//I don't have a stake.//] ] ] (if: $inv_pam is true)[ [[Banish him with a Jesus pamphlet.]] ](else:)[ |jesus>[Banish him with a Jesus pamphlet.] |jesusFail>[](click: ?jesus)[(replace: ?jesusFail)[//I don't have a pamphlet.//] ] ] [[Flip him off.]] [[Lure him over.]] [[Hug him.]] (if: $inv_bucket is true and $inv_bucket_contains is "holy_water")[ [[Throw a bucket of holy water at him.]] ](else:)[ |bucket>[Throw a bucket of holy water at him.] |bucketFail>[](click: ?bucket)[(replace: ?bucketFail)[//I don't have holy water.//] ] ] (if: $inv_squirt_contains is "holy_water")[ [[Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.]] ](else:)[ |squirt>[Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.] |squirtFail>[](click: ?squirt)[(replace: ?squirtFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] (if: $inv_wreath is true)[ [[Throw the holly wreath at him.]] ](else:)[ |wreath>[Throw the holly wreath at him.] |wreathFail>[](click: ?wreath)[(replace: ?wreathFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] ] (if: $bess_follow is true)[ [[Ask Bess to banish him.]] ](else:)[ |attempt>[Ask Bess to banish him.] |attemptFail>[](click: ?attempt)[(replace: ?attemptFail)[//Great idea. But who's Bess?//] ] ] [[Nothing yet.->Main Room]]

(if: $sequence is 0)["Okay." I point at the vampire. "That's the bad guy." "What do you want me to do, girl?" Bess asks. (set: $sequence to 1) [["Quote scripture at him."->Ask Bess to banish him.]] [["Give him a pamphlet."->Ask Bess to pamphlet him.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)["Just what you usually do," I tell her. "Quote pieces of the bible you believe in. And try to do it at him." I gesture again towards the vampire. "Aggressively." "Bible's a book of love," she tells me. (set: $sequence to 2) [["Be aggressively loving."->Ask Bess to banish him.]] [["Well he's made of hate. So that will melt him."->Ask Bess to banish him.]] [["Don't worry about the details, just trust me."->Ask Bess to banish him.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Bess shrugs and trundles her cart over the vampire. The vampire passively ignores Bess until she stops by his table. Then he aggressively ignores her, crossing his arms and staring pointedly in a different direction. Serious "Fuck off" body language. Guess she doesn't meet his snack standards. (set: $sequence to 3) [[Elitist jerk.->Ask Bess to banish him.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[Bess is not flustered by this. She folds her hands, looks at him, and starts to speak. "Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves." "Behold, you are..." (set: $sequence to 4) [[Watch->Ask Bess to banish him.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[The vampire flinch-jumps like a cat who's just had the sprinkler system go on under it. At the end of this full-body spasm of reflexive panic he is backed up against the wall, with all the booth between him and Bess. He stares at her, shocked and affronted. Bess blinks in surprise, and then watches him thoughtfully. (set: $sequence to 5) [[Watch->Ask Bess to banish him.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 5)["Uh," the cashier says uncertainly. "Please don't bother other customers." Bess glances at her, but seems |annoyed>[intensely irritated by the vampire's reaction to scripture.](click: ?annoyed)[ //This is common among the devout. Even if unaware of the true nature of the unholy monsters they face, they tend to be instinctively ticked off by the buggers.//] She continues. "Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful. Our couch is green; the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are..." The vampire launches himself over the table and vaults over booths, trying to get away, [[running towards the door.->heads towards the door.]] ]

(if: $sequence is 1)["Just give him a pamphlet," I tell her. That should be enough to freak him out. Bess shrugs and trundles her cart over the vampire. (set: $sequence to 2) [[Watch->Ask Bess to pamphlet him.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Bess shrugs and trundles her cart over the vampire. The vampire passively ignores Bess until she stops by his table. Then he aggressively ignores her, crossing his arms and staring pointedly in a different direction. Serious "Fuck off" body language. Guess she doesn't meet his snack standards. (set: $sequence to 3) [[Elitist jerk.->Ask Bess to banish him.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[Bess is not flustered by this. She shuffles out a pamphlet and offers it to him with a smile and a quote: "Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves." "Behold, you are..." (set: $sequence to 4) [[Watch->Ask Bess to banish him.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[The vampire flinch-jumps like a cat who's just had the sprinkler system go on under it. At the end of this full-body spasm of reflexive panic he is backed up against the wall, with all the booth between him and Bess. He stares at her, shocked and affronted. Bess blinks in surprise, and then watches him thoughtfully. (set: $sequence to 5) [[Watch->Ask Bess to banish him.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 5)["Uh," the cashier says uncertainly. "Please don't bother other customers." Bess glances at her, but seems |annoyed>[intensely irritated by the vampire's reaction to scripture.](click: ?annoyed)[ //This is common among the devout. Even if unaware of the true nature of the unholy monsters they face, they tend to be instinctively ticked off by the buggers.//] She thrusts the pamphlet towards the vampire and continues with her quote. "Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful. Our couch is green; the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are..." The vampire launches himself over the table and vaults over booths, trying to get away, [[running towards the door.->heads towards the door.]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[Hanging my holly wreath on the door would prevent vampires from entering or leaving through it. Do I want to trap the vampire inside? |decorate>[Yep. All part of my master plan.] |no_decorate>[No, being trapped inside a McDonalds with a vampire is the opposite of what I want.] {(click: ?decorate)[(set: $sequence to 1)(go-to: "distressingly unfestive")] (click: ?no_decorate)[(set: $sequence to 2)(go-to: "distressingly unfestive")]} ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[I deck the halls with boughs of holly. (set: $inv_wreath to false) (set: $wreath_hung to true)(set: $Tick to true) [[La la la la la.->Street]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Fair. [[Continue->Street]] ]

(if: $closet_open is false)[Small gray door. Looks like a supply cabinet. It's locked. (if: $inv_pins is true)[ [[Pick the lock.]] ](else:)[ |pin>[Pick the lock.] |pinHas>[](click: ?pin)[(replace: ?pinHas)[//I can do that, but I'll need a lock pick or a bobby pin or something.//] ] ] [[Do something else.->Bathroom]] ](else:)[The janitor's closet is open. It's full of cleaning supplies. The following things catch my eye: (if: $plunger_taken is false)[ A [[plunger]] with a wooden handle.](if: $tape_taken is false)[ A black roll of [[duct tape]].](if: $plunger_taken is true and $tape_taken is true)[ Nothing, actually. I've taken what I need from here.] [[Do something else.->Bathroom]] ] (set: $sequence to 0)

I jimmy the lock with one of my bobby pins. (set: $Tick to true) It's three-tumbler easy. (set: $closet_open to true) [[Lucy, the master thief, rifles through the McDonalds supply cabinet.->supply cabinet]]

(if: $TapeJokeDone is true)[I pick up the duct tape. (set: $inv_tape to true) (set: $tape_taken to true) [[Continue.->supply cabinet]] ](elseif: $sequence is 0)[How is duct tape like the force? (set: $inv_tape to true) (set: $tape_taken to true) |force>[I don't know, how is duct tape like the force?] (click: ?force)[(set: $sequence to 1)(go-to: "duct tape")] |tape>[Just take the tape.] (click: ?tape)[(set: $sequence to 2)(go-to: "duct tape")] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[It has a light side and a dark side and holds the world together. I love that joke. (set: $TapeJokeDone to true) [[Ha!->supply cabinet]] [[Ugh.->supply cabinet]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Spoilsport. [[Continue.->supply cabinet]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)["Behold, you are beautiful, |verse1>[my love,] (click: ?verse1)[behold, you are |verse2>[beautiful!] (click: ?verse2)[Your eyes are |verse3>[doves] (click: ?verse3)[behind your |verse4>[veil.] (click: ?verse4)[Your lips are like a |verse5>[scarlet thread,] (click: ?verse5)[and your mouth is |verse6>[lovely.] (click: ?verse6)[Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your |verse7>[veil.] (click: ?verse7)[Your neck is like the |verse8>[tower,] (click: ?verse8)[built in rows of |verse9>[stone;] (click: ?verse9)[on it hang a thousand |verse10>[shields,] (click: ?verse10)[all of them shields of |verse11>[warriors.] (click: ?verse11)[Your two breasts are like |verse12>[two fawns,] (click: ?verse12)[twins of a gazelle, that graze among the [[lilies."->Scripture Struggle]]]]]]]]]]]]]] (set: $sequence to 1) ](elseif: $sequence is 1)["Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense. You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is [[no flaw in you.->Scripture Struggle]]" (set: $sequence to 2) ](elseif: $sequence is 2)["The Song of Songs," says Bess. "Which is Solomon's." The vampire is a puddle on the ground by the door. The cashier is making a high pitched noise, screaming that has been broken by disbelief. (set: $sequence to 3) [[She'll be okay.->Scripture Struggle]]](elseif: $sequence is 3)[Bess coughs a few times, takes a sip of water from the plastic bottle on her cart, then looks at me. I give her a thumbs up. Vampire dead. Good job everyone. (set: $MeltedByFaith to true) [[The End->Endings]] ]

(if: $inv_detail is "inv_stake")[This isn't the subtlest thing I've ever held. If I'm going to use it on him, I'll have to wait until he's distracted.](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_salt")[Just a bit of salt that fell off my fries.](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_tape")[A roll of duct tape. There's not much tape left.](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_sanitizer")[This little doohickey purifies the air with ultraviolet light.](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_necklace")[My homemade crucifixes. It's not a work of art, but if should keep the vampire from ripping my throat out.](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_pins")[Bobby pins. The most larcenous of hair accessories.](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_pam")[The pamphlet features a white version of Jesus cuddling a lamb.](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_hairdo")[(if: $inv_pins is true)[My hair is down and artfully touseled. It's a good look for me.](elseif: $inv_sequence is 0)[I keep my hair boddy-pinned up. An exposed neck attracts vamps. |take_pins>[Take out the bobby pins.] (click: ?take_pins)[(if: $HairPinDone is true)[(set: $inv_sequence to 2)](else:)[(set: $inv_sequence to 1)](go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](elseif: $inv_sequence is 1)[Are you sure? Covering my neck will make me less effective at doing what I do. Which is luring leeches into traps with my compelling jugular. |do_it>[Do it.] (click: ?do_it)[(set: $inv_sequence to 2)(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] |nevermind>[Nevermind.] (click: ?nevermind)[(set: $inv_sequence to 0)(go-to: "Inventory_detail")] ](elseif: $inv_sequence is 2)[I pull out the pins and let my hair down. (set: $HairPinDone to true) Now I have bobby pins! The most larcenous of hair accessories.(set: $inv_pins to true)(set: $hair_down to true)] ](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_wreath")[It's a Christmas wreath woven of holly. Holly is a holy plant. Maybe you can tell from the name. In ancient times, people hung these on their doors to keep evil spirits out. It totally works. For serious.](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_bucket")[It's a yellow plastic mop bucket with (if: $inv_bucket_fixed is true)[an expertly executed duct-tape repair job. It's totes watertight.](else:)[a crack in it.] (if: $inv_bucket_contains is "water")[It's full of water.](elseif: $inv_bucket_contains is "holy_water")[It's full of water that sparkles religiously.](elseif: $inv_bucket_contains is "oil")[It's full fryer oil.](else:)[It's empty.](if: $inv_bucket_fixed is false)[ (if: $inv_tape is true)[ [[Fix crack with duct tape.]] ](else:)[ |tape>[Fix crack with duct tape.] |tapeHas>[](click: ?tape)[(replace: ?tapeHas)[//God, I wish I had some duct tape. That stuff is amazing.//] ] ] ] ](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_squirt")[It's an adorable tiny squirt gun. It's neon green with a little water decal. (if: $inv_squirt_contains is "water")[It's loaded with water.](elseif: $inv_squirt_contains is "holy_water")[It's loaded with holy water.](else:)[It's unloaded.] (if: $inv_bucket_contains is "water")[ |water_load>[Load with water.](click: ?water_load)[(set: $inv_squirt_contains to "water")(go-to: "squirt gun load")] ](else:)[ |attempt_water_load>[Load with water.] |attempt_water_loadFail>[](click: ?attempt_water_load)[(replace: ?attempt_water_loadFail)[//Unfortunately, I have no water.//] ] ] (if: $inv_bucket_contains is "holy_water")[ |holy_water_load>[Load with holy water.](click: ?holy_water_load)[(set: $inv_squirt_contains to "holy_water")(go-to: "squirt gun load")] ](else:)[ |attempt_holy_water_load>[Load with holy water.] |attempt_holy_water_loadFail>[](click: ?attempt_holy_water_load)[(replace: ?attempt_holy_water_loadFail)[//Unfortunately, I have no holy water.//] ] ] (if: $inv_squirt_contains is not "")[|unload>[Unload.](click: ?unload)[(set: $inv_squirt_contains to "")(go-to: "squirt gun load")] ] ](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_cig")[I have a |zip>[Zippo] ligter and a pack of cigarettes.(click: ?zip)[ I care about the lighter brand WAY more than I care about the cigarette brand. |cigClick>[Cigarettes] are basically just an excuse to carry around something that produces fire.(click: ?cigClick)[ I KNOW it's bad for me. But seriously. I'm professional bait. I'm not living long enough to get |cancer>[cancer].(click: ?cancer)[ And I need something to do with my hands while I stand in dark alleys and look |edible>[edible].(click: ?edible)[ And in a really tight spot, I can shove the lit end into a leech's |eyeball>[eyeball].(click: ?eyeball)[ Yes I am defensive about this.] ] ] ] ] ](elseif: $inv_detail is "inv_cell")[Old fashioned flip phone. It calls people, and that's pretty much it. [[Call Maggie->Call_Inventory_Maggie]] [[Call Luke->Call_Inventory_Luke]] [[Call Mom->Call_Inventory_Mom]] ] [[< Back To Inventory->Inventory]]

The [[vampire->vamp make out]] has the adorable cashier up against a juice dispenser. They are next to the [[french fry making machine.]] I can sneak back to the |kitchen>[front of the kitchen.] (click: ?kitchen)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Kitchen")]

(set: $advert to "TRY OUR WARM BAKED APPLE PIE")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["TRY OUR WARM BAKED APPLE PIE", "100% PURE BEEF. IT`S THAT SIMPLE.", "OCCUPANCY OF MORE THAN 143 PERSONS IS DANGEROUS AND UNLAWFUL"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$advert");'>$advert</tw-link> [[Done reading. Back to saving girl.->Kitchen]]

It's an industrial sized french fryer. Three baskets of french fries are sizzling in oil. [[Push vampire into sizzling oil.]] [[Splash vampire with sizzling oil.]] (if: $inv_bucket is true)[ [[Fill bucket with oil.]] ](else:)[ |bucket>[Fill bucket with oil.] |bucketFail>[](click: ?bucket)[(replace: ?bucketFail)[//I don't have a bucket.//] ] ](if: $burned_by_fry is false)[ [[Eat a french fry.]] ] [[Nevermind.->far end of the kitchen]]

(if: $current_meal is "Big Mac")[Big Mac. McDonalds classic. Two beef patties, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, and |sauce>[secret-special-sauce] on a sesame seed bun.(click: ?sauce)[ The secret special sauce is mayonnaise, sweet pickle relish and yellow mustard whisked together with vinegar, garlic powder, onion powder and paprika. Now you know.] ](elseif: $current_meal is "Cheeseburger")[Like a hamburger. But with cheese. And therefore better.](elseif: $current_meal is "Quarter Pounder")[The Quarter Pounder. One of the most precisely descriptive of McDonald's offerings. Precisely 1/4 of a pound of delicious unhealthiness.](elseif: $current_meal is "Buttermilk Crispy Chicken")[I've never had buttermilk chicken before, so I decide to try this out. It's underwhelming. Kind of soggy. C-.](elseif: $current_meal is "Artisan Grilled Chicken")[I feel like pretending to be classy for a couple of seconds, so I get some artisan grille chicken. It makes my mouth feel fancy.](elseif: $current_meal is "Chicken Nuggets")[Meat slurry shaped into psudo-squares and fried. Also known as chicken nuggets. I play a game where I see how many I can fit in my mouth at once.](elseif: $current_meal is "Just Fries")[Fries are little sticks made of salt and addiction. I love them.(if: $inv_salt is false)[ (set: $inv_salt to true) They are in fact so salty that some salt falls off. I scoop it up.] ](elseif: $current_meal is "Happy Meal")[The Happy Meal takes me back to a carefree childhood when I didn't know what a transfat was. The prize is a tiny squirt gun. (if: $inv_squirt is true)[But I already have one, so it's not that exciting.](else:)[Hey! This is pretty cool. Not like the cheap plastic figures we got when I was a kid. It even works! (set: $inv_squirt to true)] ](elseif: $current_meal is "Spicy Buffalo")[Fries are little sticks made of salt and addiction. These ones are spicy. I'm not quite seeing the buffalo connection, though.](elseif: $current_meal is "Zesty Ranch")[Fries are little sticks made of salt and addiction. These ones taste a bit like they should be a salad dressing. Weird.](elseif: $current_meal is "Garlic Parmesan")[Fries are little sticks made of salt and addiction. (set: $garlic_count to $garlic_count + 1) These have garlic on them!] [[Time to eat.]](set: $food_orders to $food_orders + 1) (set: $LongTick to true)

(if: $inv_squirt_contains is "water")[I load the squirt gun with water.](elseif: $inv_squirt_contains is "holy_water")[I load the squirt gun with sparkling, holy water. It is the cutest weapon I have ever weilded in the war against evil.](elseif: $inv_squirt_contains is "")[I pour out the water in the gun. There's not that much so it doesn't even make much of a puddle.] (set: $Tick to true) [[< Back To Inventory->Inventory]]

I eat quickly so that I can get back to saving the world from the undead.(if: $current_meal is "Garlic Parmesan")[ I test my breath after eating the garlic fries. (if: $garlic_count is 1)[Faintly garlicky.](elseif: $garlic_count is 2)[Moderately garlicky.](else:)[VERY garlicky. I've got a lot of garlic in my bloodstream at this point.] ] [[Now fortified by fast food, I rise, ready to do battle. And stuff.->Main Room]]

I use a couple swipes of duct tape to patch up the side of the mop bucket. There wasn't much tape left on the roll. I have to use it all. (set: $inv_bucket_fixed to true) (set: $Tick to true)(set: $inv_tape to false) [[Good as new! Sort of.->Inventory_detail]]

He doesn't notice. [[Jerk.->approach vampire booth]]

(if: $dump_vamp is true)[He's kind of pissy at me after I |led>['led him on.'] (click: ?led)[ //Read: Flirted with him for a minute and then decided I wasn't into it.// ]I won't be able to lure him over again. [[Do something else.->approach vampire booth]] ](elseif: $inv_necklace is true)[I try to lure the vampire over to me. But he sees my necklace of crosses, sneers, and turns away. [[Do something else.->approach vampire booth]] ](else:)[(if: $lure_vamp_interest is 0)[{(set: $lure_neck_blush_done to false) (set: $lure_bite_done to false) (set: $lure_wrist_done to false) (set: $lure_stretch_done to false)}](if: $lure_face_blush_timer > 0)[(set: $lure_face_blush_timer to $lure_face_blush_timer - 1)(if: $lure_face_blush_timer is 0)[(set: $lure_face_blush to false)The blush in my face has faded. ]](if: $lure_neck_blush_timer > 0)[(set: $lure_neck_blush_timer to $lure_neck_blush_timer - 1)(if: $lure_neck_blush_timer is 0)[(set: $lure_neck_blush to false)The blush in my neck has faded. ]](if: $CurrentMinute > 30)[The vampire stands and starts moving, but not towards me. He walks over to the cashier and starts flirting with her.(set: $vampAtCashier to true) Damn it. He's made his move. Now I won't be able to lure him away. [[Back to the main room->Main Room]] ](else:)[(if: $sequence is 0)[It's a tricky game to attract a leech when it already had a target. {(set: $sequence to 1) (set: $lure_face_blush to false) (set: $lure_face_blush_timer to 0) (set: $lure_neck_blush to false) (set: $lure_neck_blush_timer to 0)} But I AM professional bait. I'll give it a whirl. I slide into a booth so I can look casual. What should I do first?](elseif: $lure_action is "blush")[I hold my breath, then I breathe rapidly. And repeat. This is as much exercise as you can get sitting in a McDonalds booth. After about a minute I've got a good blush going in my face. They like that. They like to see evidence of blood flow.(if: $lure_vamp_interest > 0)[(set: $lure_vamp_interest to 0) Unfortunately, in the time it took me to get my blush on the vamp lost interest in me. He's looking at the cashier again.](set: $lure_face_blush to true)(set: $lure_face_blush_timer to 3)](elseif: $lure_action is "rub")[I run my fingers up and down my neck, working a flush into it.(if: $hair_down is true)[ This would look a lot better if my hair were up.](if: $lure_face_blush)[ It looks good with my exertion face-blush. (if: $lure_vamp_interest > 0)[(set: $lure_vamp_interest to $lure_vamp_interest + 1)] ] (if: $lure_vamp_interest is 0)[Unfortunately, the vamp isn't looking at me.](elseif: $lure_neck_blush_done is true)[Unfortunately, the vamp seems bored that I'm repeating myself and looks away.(set: $lure_vamp_interest to 0)](elseif: $hair_down is false)[(set: $lure_vamp_interest to $lure_vamp_interest + 1)](set: $lure_neck_blush to true)(set: $lure_neck_blush_timer to 2)(set: $lure_neck_blush_done to true)](elseif: $lure_action is "stretch")[I stretch, arching so that the veins in my neck stand out.(if: $lure_neck_blush)[ It shows off my neck flush.(if: $lure_vamp_interest > 0)[(set: $lure_vamp_interest to $lure_vamp_interest + 1)] ] (if: $lure_vamp_interest is 0)[Unfortunately, the vamp isn't looking at me.](elseif: $lure_stretch_done is true)[Unfortunately, the vamp seems bored that I'm repeating myself and looks away.(set: $lure_vamp_interest to 0)](else:)[(set: $lure_vamp_interest to $lure_vamp_interest + 1)](set: $lure_stretch_done to true)](elseif: $lure_action is "bite")[I bite my tongue hard, until it bleeds. The slight scent of blood fills the air around me. (if: $lure_vamp_interest is 0)[The vampire looks over at me.(set: $lure_vamp_interest to 1)](else:)[The vamp is already looking at me.]](elseif: $lure_action is "wrist")[I casually drape my arm over the back of the booth, letting the leech see the veins tracing the inside of my wrist. (if: $lure_vamp_interest is 0)[Unfortunately, the vamp isn't looking at me.](elseif: $lure_wrist_done is true)[Unfortunately, the vamp seems bored that I'm repeating myself and looks away.(set: $lure_vamp_interest to 0)](else:)[(set: $lure_vamp_interest to $lure_vamp_interest + 1)](set: $lure_wrist_done to true)](if: $lure_vamp_interest > 0 and $lure_action is not "bite" and $lure_action is not "blush")[Out of the corner of my eye, (if: $lure_vamp_interest > 5)[I can see the vampire staring at me.](elseif: $lure_vamp_interest > 3)[I can see the vampire watching me intently.](elseif: $lure_vamp_interest > 1)[I can see the vampire watching me.](elseif: $lure_vamp_interest > 0)[I can see the vampire casually watching me.] ] (if: $lure_vamp_interest > 4)[(set: $sequence to 0)The vampire stands and [[walks over to me.->interview with vampire]] ](else:)[|blush>[Blush.] |rub>[Rub my exposed neck.] |stretch>[Stretch.] |bite>[Bite my tongue.] |wrist>[Show some wrist.] [[Give up.->Main Room]] ] {(click: ?blush)[(set: $lure_action to "blush")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Lure him over.")] (click: ?rub)[(set: $lure_action to "rub")(go-to: "Lure him over.")] (click: ?stretch)[(set: $lure_action to "stretch")(go-to: "Lure him over.")] (click: ?bite)[(set: $lure_action to "bite")(go-to: "Lure him over.")] (click: ?wrist)[(set: $lure_action to "wrist")(go-to: "Lure him over.")] (set: $Tick to true)}] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[He slides into the booth across from me. He tries to look deeply into my eyes. I stare at his nose to avoid be mesmerized. (set: $sequence to 1) [[Continue.->interview with vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[He smiles. Not quite wide enough for me to see his canines. "You have a |greatBody>[great body].|greatBodySpace>[ ](click: ?greatBody)[(replace: ?greatBodySpace)[" //He opens with a compliment to establish a positive tone.// "]]A little on the |heavy>[heavy side],|heavySpace>[ ](click: ?heavy)[(replace: ?heavySpace)[" //He insults me, targeting something he thinks I'm sensitive about. This will make me insecure and easier to manipulate.// "]]but |like>[I like that]."|likeSpace>[ ](click: ?like)[(replace: ?likeSpace)[ //He ends with a psudo-compliment, making it hard for me to call him out for the insult, soothing the insecurity caused by the insult, and establishing himself as the authority on whether or not my body is likable.//]] |flirtPass>[Flirt with him passively.](click: ?flirtPass)[(set: $sequence to 2)(go-to: "interview with vampire")] |flirtAct>[Flirt with him assertively.](click: ?flirtAct)[(set: $sequence to 3)(go-to: "interview with vampire")] |cig>[Light a cigarette and smile mysteriously.](click: ?cig)[(set: $sequence to 20)(set: $cig_lit to true)(go-to: "interview with vampire")] (if: $inv_squirt_contains is "holy_water")[ [[Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.]] ](else:)[ |squirt>[Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.] |squirtFail>[](click: ?squirt)[(replace: ?squirtFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] [["Avaunt thee, nightgaunt, and tarnish not this hearth with your unholy presence."->not saying that]] ](elseif: $sequence is 20)[I light a cigarette, inhale some smoke, and smile at him. The adorable cashier looks at me disapprovingly. The vampire looks at me calculatingly, then leans towards me, tilting his body slightly away from the lit end of my cigarette. (set: $sequence to 4) [[Continue->interview with vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)["Oh. Uh. Thanks?" I feign uncertainty. It's more important to seem vulnerable than enthusiastic. He leans forward. (set: $sequence to 4) [[Continue->interview with vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)["Thanks," I say casually, smiling back. "You know, it's really brave of you to wear an outfit like that. But I think you make it work." His eyebrows go up and he glances down at his clothes. "...thank you," he says. (set: $sequence to 4) [[Continue->interview with vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[He |touch>[touches my hand].(click: ?touch)[ //He enters my personal space, establishing intimacy, and does it without asking, establishing dominance.//] (if: $mani_pedi_color is "none")["I like that outfit you've got on, but your |shoes>[shoes don't really match]."(click: ?shoes)[ //This is another compliment with a hook--he says something nice about my appearance, then criticizes it, keeping me off-balance. FYI: My shoes do not match because I wear sneakers because my job involves running towards and away from vampires and they are comfy.//] ](else:)["Nice nails, |real>[are they real?]"(click: ?real)[ //This is another compliment with a hook--he says something nice about my appearance, then questions its authenticity, keeping me off-balance.//] ] |flirtPass>[Flirt with him passively.](click: ?flirtPass)[(set: $sequence to 5)(go-to: "interview with vampire")] |flirtAct>[Flirt with him assertively.](click: ?flirtAct)[(set: $sequence to 6)(go-to: "interview with vampire")](if: $cig_lit is true)[ |cig>[Smoke flirtatiously.](click: ?cig)[(set: $sequence to 21)(set: $cig_lit to true)(go-to: "interview with vampire")] ] [["The bile of your words seduces not mine ears! My your tongue be ripped out and boiled."->not saying that]] ](elseif: $sequence is 21)[I smile as I blow a few smoke rings in his direction, continuing with the wordless mystique I have building up. The adorable cashier glares at me. I feel a little guilty. (set: $sequence to 7) [[Continue->interview with vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 5)[(if: $mani_pedi_color is "none")["Oh. Well I just, uh, threw this on."](else:)["Oh, well, sort of. I mean, I just had them done."] I adjust my hair, contriving to let a few strands fall in front of my face. A little disarray helps my victim chic. (set: $sequence to 7) [[Continue->interview with vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 6)[(if: $mani_pedi_color is "none")[In response, I kick my sneakers off and start playing footsie with him under the table. "Better?"](else:)["Yes," I grin. "Wanna feel?"] He's taken aback for a moment, but recovers quickly. (set: $sequence to 7) [[Continue->interview with vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 7)["|pretty>[You're far too pretty for this place]," he tells me. (click: ?pretty)[ //He feels I am submissive or enthusiastic enough to progress to solid compliments now.//] "I know a club down the block. |go>[Let's go there.]"(click: ?go)[ //He is trying to get me alone so he can murder and eat me.//] |flirtPass>[Agree passively.](click: ?flirtPass)[(set: $sequence to 8)(go-to: "interview with vampire")] |flirtAct>[Agree assertively.](click: ?flirtAct)[(set: $sequence to 9)(go-to: "interview with vampire")] [["Know, fiend, that your cunning plot is foiled before it has even begun! I am not some fainting milksop, but a hunter of fel creatures, like yourself. I walk in darkness that others might live safely in the light. I fight with sword, and fire, and wit to rid the world of your menace."->not saying that 2]] ](elseif: $sequence is 8)["Oh! Okay." I blush, fluttering my eyelids. It's over the top, but he laps it up. I stand and let him lead me away from the table. (set: $sequence to 0) [[Continue.->Alley decide]] ](elseif: $sequence is 9)["That sounds great, but I have an even better idea," I tell him. "Follow me." I stand and lead him away from the table. (set: $sequence to 0) [[Continue.->Alley decide]] ]

I advance toward the vampire, wooden stake in hand. [[The classic approach.->Lucy_dies]] (set: $death_hint to "Maybe I should have been a little more circumspect. He's a lot stronger than me. I can't beat him in a straight fight.")

(if: $inv_necklace is true)[He moves fast, lunging for my throat. Then he sees, or feels, by cross necklace, and recoils. He jumps back. He stares at me, and I see in his eyes a moment of realization. He understand that I know what he is, and that I have weapons to fight him. (if: $Current_Location is "Kitchen")[He runs back to the main room. [[I chase him.->heads towards the door.]] The cashier blearily staggers after us, murmuring something about today's specials.](elseif: $Current_Location is "Main Room")[ [[He turns to run.->heads towards the door.]] ](else:)[ [[He flees into the night.->drive off ending]] ] ](else:)[He moves so fast his teeth are in my throat before I have time to yell. He bites so deep his fangs scrape my collarbone. He rips it out. It clatters to the bloody floor. Followed quickly by my body. [[The End.->Endings]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[We walk outside. (set: $sequence to 1)(set: $Tick to true)(set: $vampire_melt_count to -1) We pass a homeless woman. She looks at me worriedly. I walk towards the dark alley, [[conveniently next to the McDonalds.->Lead him to alley.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[He makes a surprised noise, and follows me. I lead the vampire into a dark, dirty alleyway. As soon as we're in the dark, he leans in to bite me. (if: $cig_lit is true)[ [[Stick the lit cigarette in his face.]] ](else:)[ |cig>[Stick the lit cigarette in his face.] |cigFail>[](click: ?cig)[(replace: ?cigFail)[//Shit. I forgot to light my cigarette.//] ] ] [[Dodge out of the way.]] [[Let him.]] ] (set: $Current_Location to "Alley")

He's distracted, he doesn't see me. (set: $sequence to 0) But he's real close to her. What should I do? [[Throw my Zippo lighter at him.->Zippo Kitchen]] (if: $inv_stake is true)[ [[Stake him.->Stake him success]] ](else:)[ |stake>[Stake him.] |stakeFail>[](click: ?stake)[(replace: ?stakeFail)[//I don't have a stake.//] ] ] (if: $inv_bucket is true and $inv_bucket_contains is "holy_water")[ [[Throw a bucket of holy water at him.->vampire&cashier douse]] ](else:)[ |bucket>[Throw a bucket of holy water at him.] |bucketFail>[](click: ?bucket)[(replace: ?bucketFail)[//I don't have holy water.//] ] ](if: $inv_bucket_contains is "oil")[ [[Throw a bucket of hot oil at him.]] ] (if: $inv_squirt_contains is "holy_water")[ [[Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.]] ](else:)[ |squirt>[Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.] |squirtFail>[](click: ?squirt)[(replace: ?squirtFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] (if: $inv_wreath is true)[ [[Throw the holly wreath at him.->Throw holly success]] ](else:)[ |wreath>[Throw the holly wreath at him.] |wreathFail>[](click: ?wreath)[(replace: ?wreathFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] [[None of these things.->far end of the kitchen]]

(if: $sequence is 0)[I advance toward the vampire, wooden stake in hand.(if: $cig_in_vamp_eye is true)[ He's blind to me.](set: $sequence to 1) [[The classic approach.->Stake him success]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[I've done this before. Rarely, but I have.(if: $cig_in_vamp_eye is true)[ I get behind him as he clutches at his eyes.] (set: $sequence to 2) Left side of the body. Plant the tip on his body. I have a second to feel for the notch between the ribs. His head turns. (if: $cig_in_vamp_eye is true)[He feels me.](else:)[He notices me.] [[I slam the heel of my hand into the stake.->Stake him success]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Ribs snap. |bones>[His bones are brittle and dry.](click: ?bones)[ //That's why I can do this without a mallet.//] (if: $cig_in_vamp_eye is true)[(set: $sequence to 4)](else:)[(set: $sequence to 3)] Wood sinks into |flesh>[dead flesh.](click: ?flesh)[ //Through witherd meat and tendons like twine.//] He starts to move, but I've reached the slight resistance of his |heart>[heart.](click: ?heart)[ //The only living organ.//] (set: $Staked to true) [[I push through that slight resistance.->Stake him success]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[His body dissolves into dust. The face the cashier was kissing turns to grit in her mouth. She's covered in his ashes. She stares at me, then the glazed look of |mesmerism>[mesmerism] passes from her eyes.(click: ?mesmerism)[ //He has her hypnotized. Fucking vampire magic. Rapes the idea of consent up the ass.//] She starts screaming. (set: $sequence to 0) [[Calm her down.]] [[Get out of there.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[His body dissolves into dust. I am alone in an alley with dust. I take a few deep breaths. I giggle. [[I did it.->death ending]] ]

The adorable cashier is safe. The vampire is dead. All's well that ends well. I think I'll celebrate at Burger King. [[The End->Endings]]

(if: $sequence is 0)[I let her scream it out for a moment, then I start talking to her. (set: $sequence to 1) The soothing tone is more important than the words. (set: $CalmCount to $CalmCount + 1) There's no danger. |dust>[No body.](click: ?dust)[ //The vamp was old enough to become dust.//(if: $previous is "Holy water melt")[ //Well. Mud.//] ] She doesn't have a way of explaining this to the police. [[I can stay.->Calm her down.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[She stops screaming. I keep up a patter of gentle words. Once the trembling stops I'll see if she wants more soothing nonsense [[or an explanation.->death ending]] ]

I turn around and speed walk straight out of the McDonalds. (set: $LeaveCount to $LeaveCount + 1) I saved her life. [[That doesn't mean she'll understand.->death ending]]

I toss the bucket of water over him, but it's hard to aim. (set: $inv_bucket_contains to "") (if: $cig_in_vamp_eye is true)[Even with one eye burned out he senses the movement and dodges out of the way. Shit. That didn't work. [[I have seconds to try something else.->Alley Plan]] ](else:)[It's also easy to see what I'm doing and he dodges out of the way. [[Uh oh.->Lucy_dies]] (set: $death_hint to "Buckets are big and unwieldy. Even if he's distracted, I doubt I could use it on him directly. I should find a better way to deploy the holy water. Consider examining the front door or getting a happy meal.") ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[I squirt him with the tiny green squirt gun, catching him completely by surprise. (if: $cig_in_vamp_eye is true)[ (set: $sequence to 2) ](else:)[ (set: $sequence to 1) ] There is a satisfying //HISS// as his skin begins to bubble and dissolve. (set: $HolySquirtGun to true) He screeches, staggering back as I squirt him more, soaking his clothes and keeping him from attacking back. In short order he wicked witch of the wests into a steaming black puddle of leather jacket and vampire goo. [[Continue->Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[The cashier screams. I flinch, and then speed walk out of the building. The problem with vampire slaying is sometimes it looks like murder. [[Still.->death ending]] ](if: $sequence is 2)[I poke the mound of melted vampire a few times with my toe. It smells awful. Because I'm a responsible citizen, I wrap the vampire goo up in the leather jacket and put it in the dumpster. [[Responsible vampire hunters don't litter.->death ending]] ]

I throw the holly like a Frisbee. It's a good toss, but he sees what I'm doing and he dodges out of the way. [[Uh oh.->Lucy_dies]] (set: $death_hint to "Good idea with the holly, but he's faster than I am. I need to catch him while he's distracted.")

I shove the lit end of my cigarette directly into his eye. (set: $cig_in_vamp_eye to true) He screams and stumbles back. He clutches at his face. That won't kill him. [[Do I have another plan?->Alley Plan]]

I dodge out of the way. He's not expecting this, so I manage it. He smirks at me, amused at my resistance. He thinks he's lured me into a trap. [[How am I going to disabuse him of that notion?->Alley Plan]]

Vampire bites are funky things. They have narcotics on their fangs. That's why the girls in the old Gothic horrors are always fainting and lolling in the monster's clutches. They're not unconscious. They're doped up. I'm not going to be able to do much of anything while high on vampire spit. I can only hope whatever plan I set in motion [[before...->wait alley plan]]

(if: $inv_stake is true)[ (if: $cig_in_vamp_eye is true)[[[Stake him.->Stake him success]] ](else:)[[[Stake him.->Stake him. failure]] ] ](else:)[ |stake>[Stake him.] |stakeFail>[](click: ?stake)[(replace: ?stakeFail)[//I don't have a stake.//] ] ] (if: $inv_bucket_contains is "holy_water")[ [[Throw a bucket of holy water at him.]] ](else:)[ |bucket>[Throw a bucket of holy water at him.] |bucketFail>[](click: ?bucket)[(replace: ?bucketFail)[//I don't have holy water.//] ] ] (if: $inv_squirt_contains is "holy_water")[ [[Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.]] ](else:)[ |squirt>[Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.] |squirtFail>[](click: ?squirt)[(replace: ?squirtFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] (if: $inv_wreath is true)[ (if: $cig_in_vamp_eye is true)[[[Throw the holly wreath at him.->Throw holly success]] ](else:)[[[Throw the holly wreath at him.->Throw the holly wreath at him.]] ] ](else:)[ |wreath>[Throw the holly wreath at him.] |wreathFail>[](click: ?wreath)[(replace: ?wreathFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] [[Wait.->wait alley]] (set: $sequence to 0)

(if: $sequence is 0)[I throw the holly like a Frisbee. (set: $sequence to 1) He's too distracted to dodge and it lands around his head like I just won a ring toss. (set: $DeckTheHalls to true) My prize is his expression as his ears burst into flames. [[Continue->Throw holly success]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[He burns at the touch of the holy plant--very hot and very contained. (set: $DeckTheHalls to true) Every bit of him it touches turns into smoldering ash. (set: $sequence to 2) It starts at his head and trundles down his spine as his body and bones collapse around it. It falls off when it reaches his hip, but by then he's dead. [[I mean, for real this time.->death ending]] ]

I stand and wait. The vampire takes the opportunity to bite me. Vampire bites are funky things. They have narcotics on their fangs. That's why the girls in the old Gothic horrors are always fainting and lolling in the monster's clutches. They're not unconscious. They're doped up. I'm not going to be able to do much of anything while high on vampire spit. I can only hope whatever plan I set in motion [[before...->wait alley plan]]

(set: $sequence to 0)(if: $backup is "maggie")[(go-to: "maggie ending")](elseif: $backup is "luke")[(go-to: "luke ending")](elseif: $garlic_count is 1 or $garlic_count is 2)[(go-to: "death by bite")(set: $triggerDeath to true)](elseif: $garlic_count is 3)[(go-to: "death by garlic")](else:)[(go-to: "death by bite")(set: $triggerDeath to true)]

(if: $sequence is 0)[SNICKER-SNACK (set: $sequence to 1)(set: $SnickerSnack to true) Goes [[Maggie's machete.->maggie ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[The blade slices the vampire's head neatly off his shoulders. It bounces off the alley wall and lands with a wet thud inside the dumpster. Maggie is a show off. (set: $sequence to 2) [[Continue->maggie ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Maggie looks like Tinkerbell. Five feet tall with short blonde hair and a wide smile. The effect is only slightly ruined by the machete and the spray of blood decorating her face and tank top. She grins at me. "Okay, sweetie?" I grin back. [["Best."->death ending]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[CHICKA-BLAST (set: $sequence to 1)(set: $ChickaBlast to true) Goes [[Luke's musket.->luke ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[Normally, guns don't do much against vampires. However, Luke inherited his gun from his great-grandfather. It was blessed by a priest, a rabbi, a pandit, a monk and basically anyone else with a lick of faith Luke can get to lay hands on it. When we pass through towns he always tries to convince the local priest-equivalent to do something to his firearm. He collects blessings like some people collect pokemon. He's had the best luck in Texas. (set: $sequence to 2) [[Continue->luke ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Anyway, the shot catches the vampire in the back. (set: $sequence to 3) The musket ball explodes out of |chest>[his chest](click: ?chest)[ (missing me by a narrow but acceptable margin)]. Golden curls of holy power burn glitteringly and dissolve undead flesh until the bullet hole is more like a cannon hole. [[Continue->luke ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[The vampire crumples to the ground. We both watch it for a second. Slowly, it starts to disintegrate into dust. Luke breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank god," he says. "I'm not up to disposing of another body." "Yeah," I agree, dabbing at the bite mark on my neck with my fingertips to keep it from dripping onto my camisole. (set: $sequence to 4) [[Continue->luke ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)["Yeah," he repeats. He looks at me, then glances away. "What?" I ask. "Are we...still fighting? I mean, does this, you calling me, mean we're not fighting anymore?" |fighting>["We're still fighting."] (click: ?fighting)[(set: $sequence to 6)(go-to: "luke ending")] |not_fighting>["We're not fighting."] (click: ?not_fighting)[(set: $sequence to 9)(go-to: "luke ending")] |what_think>["What do you think?"] (click: ?what_think)[(set: $sequence to 5)(go-to: "luke ending")] ](elseif: $sequence is 5)[His eyes widen and he looks considerably more intimidated by the question than he was by the vampire. He struggles to figure out an answer and I decide to stop being an immature bitch and just tell him. |fighting>["We're still fighting."] (click: ?fighting)[(set: $sequence to 6)(go-to: "luke ending")] |not_fighting>["We're not fighting."] (click: ?not_fighting)[(set: $sequence to 9)(go-to: "luke ending")] ](elseif: $sequence is 6)["//Yeah// we're still in a fight," I tell him, crossing my arms. "Unless you think you can listen to me without picking apart every fucking thing I say." "I don't pick apart everything you say," Luke says as he starts to pick apart what I just said. "That is a complete overstatement. You say lots of things that I don't pick apart." "You are literally doing it right now," I tell him. "That's because you said something not true!" He swings his musket into the priming position and starts to agitatedly reload it. "If you just said what you meant..." "You mean if I was just perfectly logical and calm and never made any mistakes in the //middle// of a //fight//," I throw back at him. "I don't SAY exactly what I mean. NO ONE says exactly what they mean. Especially not when they're in a //fight//." (set: $sequence to 7) [[Continue->luke ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 7)["So you're allowed to just not make sense." Luke is ramrodding gunpowder into the muzzle of his gun very forcefully. "So what, am I supposed to read your mind?" "No you're supposed to ask goddamn clarifying questions and cut me slack," I tell him. "Cut you slack." He is not making eye contact with me and it is driving me a little crazy. "Right. Like you're doing for me right now." "DO NOT FUCKING TURN THIS AROUND ON ME," I yell. "CAN YOU JUST HEAR WHAT I AM SAYING?!" This goes on for a while. Fortunately the vampire is dead. (set: $sequence to 8) [[Continue->luke ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 8)[Luke and I scream at each other in the alley for a while. Mostly I scream. Motherfucker stonewalls me, which is just as bad. Finally he breaks down and starts yelling (read--ACTUALLY engaging with me). And then he starts crying and then that stops me yelling. And then we actually talk. Finally. [[Happy ending.->Endings]] ](elseif: $sequence is 9)["No we're not," I rub the back of my neck. I am still kind of pissed at him, but I don't want to get into it in an McDonalds alley. "Okay good," there is profound relief in his voice and he gives me a little smile as he swings his musket into the priming position and starts to reload it. I like his little smiles. [[Good night, all told.->death ending]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[...I die. (set: $sequence to 1) I'm floating in a haze of endorphins. I almost don't notice as my blood-loss slips from dangerous to fatal down his gullet. My heart stops seeing the point in beating. My body drops to the ground, but I've already left it, joining the throng of restless spirits swirling around their murderer. [[My murderer.->death by bite]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[He has a piece of me inside of him. Heartsblood. Lifeforce. Whatever. Whatever he took out of me when he killed me so intimately. (if: $garlic_count is 1 or $garlic_count is 2)[I am somewhat vindicated by the fact he is now on all fours, retching up my garlic-laced blood. But it's not strong enough to kill him. ]I'll be here, latched to him, until someone frees me by killing him. Maybe Maggie will. Maybe Luke. I can't do anything anymore. I watch as he walks back into the McDonalds. (set: $death_hint to "I don't think I should let the vampire bite me unless I have a REALLY GOOD IDEA for how I'm going to get him to stop biting me.") [[As he walks back towards the cashier...->Endings]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[Take the twine? |force>[Take the twine.] (click: ?force)[(set: $sequence to 1)(go-to: "kitchen twine")] [[Don't take the twine.->supply cabinet]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[I take the twine. (set: $inv_twine to true) (set: $twine_taken to true) [[Continue.->supply cabinet]] ]

I am not saying that. [[Say something else.->interview with vampire]]

Look, I know you're trying to get all the endings, and you need to try all the weird options to do that, but I'm seriously not saying that. [[Say something else.->interview with vampire]]

(if: $bucket_trap is false)[I could open the door slightly and |set_trap>[balance the bucket of holy water on top of the frame]. Or I could not do that. I might need the bucket [[for something else->Street]]. (click: ?set_trap)[(set: $bucket_trap to true)(set: $inv_bucket to false)(go-to: "gives me an idea") ] ](else:)[I push the door open and wedge the holy-water-bucket into the top so that it's precariously balanced and keeping the door ajar. There's just enough room for me to carefully squeeze in and out. As soon as someone actually opens the door they're getting an impromptu baptism. (set: $Tick to true) [[Continue->Street]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[The vampire does a brief, frantic tap dance where he moves towards the door, that he has to exit through, because he's uninvited, and then backs up because he's not allowed to walk through a holly protected threshold. (set: $DeckTheHalls to true) Eventually, it turns out that the rescinded invitation is more powerful than the crusty Christmas wreath, and he touches the door handle. (set: $sequence to 1) [[He immediately explodes.->explode on holly]] ](if: $sequence is 1)[Bits of vampire dust and scraps of leather jacket drift through the air, fluttering to the floor. The cashier stares at the remnants of her former customer. She starts screaming. [[Calm her down.]] [[Get out of there.]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[The vampire whirls around and around, looking from the holly to the crosses to the holly to the crosses.(set: $Crossed to true)(set: $DeckTheHalls to true) (set: $sequence to 1) He's |sweat>[sweating.](click: ?sweat)[ No that's not |quite>[quite right.](click: ?quite)[ He's [[melting.->melt on crosses]] ]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[Trapped unable to move between the immovable object of Christ and the unstoppable force of Christmas, he slowly melts. He goes from sweaty |vamp>[vampire],(click: ?vamp)[ to |Gumby>[Gumby],(click: ?Gumby)[ to that |scream>['The Scream' painting],(click: ?scream)[ to |jabba>[Jabba the Hutt],(click: ?jabba)[ to |puddle>[puddle.](click: ?puddle)[ That cashier starts screaming. I honestly can't blame her. That was pretty horrific. [[Calm her down.]] [[Get out of there.]] ]]]]] ]

The vampire shrieks. (set: $HolyWater to true) The noise is muffled by the bright yellow mop bucket on his head. Completely soaked in holy water, he dissolves into a steaming black puddle of leather jacket and vampire goo. The cashier screams. [[Calm her down.]] [[Get out of there.]]

The vampire whirls around and around, facing me and my cross necklace, since he can't get through the door. He glares fearfully at me and my drinking-straw-cross-necklace. (set: $sequence to 1) I see only one way this can end. [[Hug him.->Hug him. combat]]

(if: $sequence is 0)[I embrace the vampire. (set: $sequence to 1) He screams as my necklace burns imperfect, cross-shaped holes in his chest. (set: $DeathByHugs to true)(set: $Crossed to true) He tries to throw me off, but he's weakened by the burning. [[I bear hug him into dust.->Hug him. combat]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[I dust vampire bits off of my shirt. I turn around to see how the cashier is taking this. She stares at me, shocked. I'm a little worried she might start screaming soon. Yep. There it is. Kind of shrill and weak, but still screaming. [[Calm her down.]] [[Get out of there.]] ]

(if: $inv_necklace is true)[The vampire is initially surprised at being randomly hugged by prey. [[Then he notices the necklace I'm wearing.->Hug him. combat]] ](else:)[I walk over and give the vampire a hug. Maybe if I show him love he will learn to abandon his predatory ways and live in harmony with all humankind. Ah, nope. Nope. He's biting me. He's drinking my blood. (if: $garlic_count is 3)[ [[He starts to choke.]] ](else:)[All of it. (if: $garlic_count is 1 or $garlic_count is 2)[I am somewhat vindicated by the fact he is now on all fours, retching up my garlic-laced blood. But it's not strong enough to kill him. And I'm still dead.](else:)[I'm dead.] (set: $death_hint to "I probably shouldn't get that close to the vampire without some form of protection. The classics would work. Crosses. Garlic.") [[Dammit.->Endings]] ] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[The vampire starts choking. (set: $sequence to 1) He drops me. I land hard on the concrete. I shake my head. My neck is [[bleeding.->death by garlic]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[The vampire looks like he is having the worst allergic reaction ever. (set: $sequence to 2) His face is swollen. He's choking up |blood>[blood.] (click: ?blood)[ //My blood.//] He topples over to writhe on the ground beside me. He smells VERY strongly of [[garlic.->death by garlic]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Eventually the writing and the choking stop and he lies still. (set: $sequence to 3) Then, almost delicately, his body begins to dissolve into dust. Particle by particle, the wind scrapes him away. Leaving only a [[leather jacket.->death by garlic]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[I use the lining of the leather jacket to staunch my bleeding neck. (set: $sequence to 4) Motherfucker. (set: $Garliced to true) Between the vampire spit and blood loss, I sit recovering the the alley for a good ten minutes before I feel like I can walk. Still! [[It's a win.->death ending]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[In the wall is a UV-C Air Sanitizer. It is industriously emitting ultraviolet radiation that kills bacteria in this tiny bathroom. (set: $sequence to 1) [[Take it.->air sanitizer]] [[Leave it to do its important job.->Bathroom]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[I unplug the air sanitizer and put it in my pocket. (set: $sanitizer_taken to true) (set: $inv_sanitizer to true) [[Got it.->Bathroom]] ]

I step over to the wall, and quickly plug in the UV-C air sanitizer. It starts pumping out ultraviolet light. (set: $sanitizer_plugged to true) (set: $inv_sanitizer to false) [[Continue->Main Room]] (set: $vampire_melt_count to 0)

(if: $Current_Location is not "Main Room")[I here a scream from the main room of the McDonalds. For a moment I think it's the cashier. I rush back. As I arrive, I realize [[it's the vampire.->Vampire melts]] (set: $Current_Location to "Main Room") ](elseif: $death_sequence is 0)[The vampire starts batting at his clothes like he's on fire. (set: $death_sequence to 1) He starts screaming "Sun! Sun! Sun!" The cashier has grabbed the fire extinguisher, but then stares at him in confusion. He's not on fire. [[He's just burning up.->Vampire melts]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 1)[The cashier decides to hell with it and starts spraying him with the extinguisher. (set: $death_sequence to 2) It doesn't help. His skin blackens. His flesh flakes away. He burns to death in front of us with [[no visible flame.->Vampire melts]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 2)[I surreptitiously unplug the air sanitizer from the wall. I knew that the germicidal ultraviolet light it emitted was similar to sunlight, but I hadn't realized it would be THAT effective. I'll want to show this to Luke and Maggie. The cashier doesn't notice. She's started screaming. (set: $Sunlight to true) (set: $death_sequence to 0) [[Calm her down.]] [[Get out of there.]] ]

I sneak up behind the vampire. I grab him by the shoulders and try to wrestle him into the fryer. Unfortunately, though surprised, he's a lot stronger than I am. He quickly stops being surprised. And tears my throat out. (set: $death_hint to "Vampires are supernaturally strong. Don't wrestle with them.") [[Damn it.->Endings]]

Good idea. I'm on board with this idea. What should I use to splash the oil? [[One of the french fry baskets.]] (if: $inv_bucket is true)[ [[A bucket.]] ](else:)[ |bucket>[A bucket.] |bucketFail>[](click: ?bucket)[(replace: ?bucketFail)[//I don't have a bucket.//] ] ] (if: $inv_pam is true)[ [[A pamphlet.]] ](else:)[ |pamphlet>[A pamphlet.] |pamphletFail>[](click: ?pamphlet)[(replace: ?pamphletFail)[//I don't have a pamphlet.//] ] ] [[My hands.]] [[Nevermind.->far end of the kitchen]]

I always wondered what these things taste like fresh. ... OW! Hot! (set: $burned_by_fry to true) [[Continue->french fry making machine.]]

I pick up one of the baskets and upend it over the vampire's head. A confetti of oily fries rains down on him. Some of the oil gets on him. (set: $vampire_state to "slightly oily") [[He snarls and turns towards me.->vampire notice kitchen]]

(if: $inv_bucket_contains is not "")[Unfortunately, the bucket is already full of something! I'll need to use something else, or go pour this out. |pour>[Pour it out in one of the kitchen sinks.] (click: ?pour)[(set: $inv_bucket_contains to "")(go-to: "A bucket.")] [[Use something else.->Splash vampire with sizzling oil.]] ](if: $inv_bucket_fixed is false)[I quietly move a french fry basket out of the way and fill my empty bucket with boiling oil. Unfortunately there's a crack in it, so the oil leaks out. [[Damn.->Splash vampire with sizzling oil.]] ](else:)[I quietly move a french fry basket out of the way and fill my empty bucket with boiling oil. Feeling downright medieval, I sneak up on the vampire and pour boiling oil down his back. (set: $vampire_state to "oily") [[He screams.->vampire notice kitchen]] ]

I quietly move a french fry basket out of the way. I curl the pamphlet and start shoveling up oil and flicking it at the vampire. The laminate quickly starts wilting under the heat. The vampire also notices that I'm splashing him with hot oil. (set: $vampire_state to "slightly oily") [[He snarls and turns towards me.->vampire notice kitchen]]

Less good idea. Try again. [[One of the french fry baskets.]] (if: $inv_bucket is true)[ [[A bucket.]] ](else:)[ |bucket>[A bucket.] |bucketFail>[](click: ?bucket)[(replace: ?bucketFail)[//I don't have a bucket.//] ] ] (if: $inv_pam is true)[ [[A pamphlet.]] ](else:)[ |pamphlet>[A pamphlet.] |pamphletFail>[](click: ?pamphlet)[(replace: ?pamphletFail)[//I don't have a pamphlet.//] ] ] [[Nevermind.->far end of the kitchen]]

(if: $vampire_state is "")[The vampire has noticed me. I have seconds to act. What now?](else:)[The vampire is (if: $vampire_state is "oily")[extremely ](elseif: $vampire_state is "slightly oily")[slightly ]oily. He has also noticed me. What now?] [[Throw my Zippo lighter at him.->Zippo Kitchen]] (if: $inv_stake is true)[ [[Stake him.->Stake him. failure]] ](else:)[ |stake>[Stake him.] |stakeFail>[](click: ?stake)[(replace: ?stakeFail)[//I don't have a stake.//] ] ] (if: $inv_bucket_contains is "holy_water")[ [[Throw a bucket of holy water at him.]] ](else:)[ |bucket>[Throw a bucket of holy water at him.] |bucketFail>[](click: ?bucket)[(replace: ?bucketFail)[//I don't have holy water.//] ] ] (if: $inv_squirt_contains is "holy_water")[ [[Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.]] ](else:)[ |squirt>[Shoot him with my holy water squirt gun.] |squirtFail>[](click: ?squirt)[(replace: ?squirtFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] (if: $inv_wreath is true)[ [[Throw the holly wreath at him.]] ](else:)[ |wreath>[Throw the holly wreath at him.] |wreathFail>[](click: ?wreath)[(replace: ?wreathFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ]

(if: $vampire_state is "oily")[I ignite my lighter and throw it at him. His extremely oily clothing goes up like a light. It quickly burns through to his even more |flame>[flammable] vampire skin! (click-replace: ?flame)[ |inflame>[inflammable?] (click-replace: ?inflame)[flammable]] He burns like a roman candle, leaving only ashes. (set: $Fired to true) [[Woo!->Get the hell out]] ](elseif: $vampire_state is "slightly oily")[I ignite my lighter and throw it at him. His slightly oily clothing starts to burn. He panics and flails around. I try to dodge, but he manages to grab me. His grip leaves bruises on my skin, and his skin burns me as it starts to ignite. I manage to kick him off as he dies, but I'm hurt. (set: $Fired to true) [[Shit. Ouch.->Get the hell out]] ](else:)[(go-to: "Zippo Fail")]

(if: $sequence is 0)[I toss the bucket of holy water over his head. (set: $sequence to 1) Completely distracted by his victim, he doesn't notice until it's too late. He shrieks and begins to melt. He melts all over the cashier. The guys she was making out with just melted to death on top of her. (set: $HolyWater to true) [[I probably could have made that less traumatic.->vampire&cashier douse]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[The cashier screams a little, but quickly settles into a kind of shocked, catatonic state, clutching the vampire's leather jacket. I dry her off a little with paper towels, sit her down in the main room. [[Well, at least she's alive.->Endings]] ]

The cashier starts screaming. ...there's really no way I can explain what I just did in a good light. (if: $vampire_state is "slightly oily")[[[Painfully limp the hell out.->death ending]] ](else:)[ [[Get the hell out.->death ending]] ]

I ignite my lighter and throw it at him. He flinches. Vampires don't like fire! He does not, however, burn. Because leather jackets aren't very flammable. (if: $inv_necklace is true)[He does rip my throat out. Or tries to. Then he notices the necklace I'm wearing. [[Then I hug him.->Hug him. combat]] ](else:)[He does rip my throat out. Because vampires don't like fire. (set: $death_hint to "I should get the vampire into a more flammable state before trying that again.") [[Damn it.->Endings]]]

(if: $inv_bucket_contains is not "")[Unfortunately, the bucket is already full of something. I'll need to use something else, or go pour this out. |pour>[Pour it out in one of the kitchen sinks.] (click: ?pour)[(set: $inv_bucket_contains to "")(go-to: "Fill bucket with oil.")] [[Do something else.->french fry making machine.]] ](elseif: $inv_bucket_fixed is false)[I quietly move a french fry basket out of the way and fill my empty bucket with boiling oil. (set: $Tick to true) Unfortunately there's a crack in it, so the oil leaks out. [[Damn.->french fry making machine.]] ](else:)[I quietly move a french fry basket out of the way and fill my empty bucket with boiling oil. (set: $Tick to true) (set: $inv_bucket_contains to "oil") [[Bucket full of oil.->far end of the kitchen]] ]

Feeling downright medieval, I sneak up on the vampire and pour hot oil down his back. (set: $vampire_state to "oily") [[He screams.->vampire notice kitchen]]

(if: $vampAtKitchen is false)[That...would certainly take care of the vampire, yeah. But the cashier is here, she'd definitely stop me. [[Oh well.->Main Room]] ](elseif: $fire_done is true)[Yeah, after your last suggestion, I don't trust you to walk me through arson. No offense. [[Try something else.->Main Room]] ](else:)[Burning the building down would certainly take care of the vampire, yeah. And the cashier isn't here right now. How? |furn>[Set the furniture on fire with lighter.] (click: ?furn)[(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Set the furniture on fire with lighter.")] (if: $inv_paper_count > 9)[ [[Use paper towels as tinder to start the fire.]] ](else:)[ |paper>[Use paper towels as tinder to start the fire.] |paperFail>[](click: ?paper)[(replace: ?paperFail)[//I don't enough paper towels.//] ] ] (if: $inv_pam is true)[ [[Use the pamphlet as tinder to start the fire.]] ](else:)[ |pam>[Use the pamphlet as tinder to start the fire.] |pamFail>[](click: ?pam)[(replace: ?pamFail)[//I don't have a pamphlet.//] ] ] (if: $inv_bucket_contains is "oil")[ [[Use fryer oil to start the fire.]] ](else:)[ |bucket>[Use fryer oil to start the fire.] |bucketFail>[](click: ?bucket)[(replace: ?bucketFail)[//I don't have fryer oil.//] ] ] [[Try something else.->Main Room]] ]

I try to light the faux-wood tables on fire with my Zippo lighter. It turns out faux-wood doesn't burn well. I don't even get through the plastic coating. The posters on the walls might work better. I sear a few holes in Ronald and Grimace. While they burn, it doesn't catch. (set: $fire_tried to true) [[Five minutes of vandalism later, I give up.->Set the building on fire.]]

Start a fire with tinder. That sounds kind of girl scout-y. I can see that working. Where do I make the paper towel fire? |floor>[The floor.] (click: ?floor)[(set: $currently_burning to "floor")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "tinder fire")] |table>[One of the tables.] (click: ?table)[(set: $currently_burning to "table")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "tinder fire")] (if: $KilledCashier is false)[ |counter>[The counter.] ](else:)[ |Cashier>[On the counter.] |CashierFail>[](click: ?Cashier)[(replace: ?CashierFail)[//Never again.//] ] ] (click: ?counter)[(set: $currently_burning to "counter")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "tinder fire")] |every>[Everywhere!] (click: ?every)[(set: $currently_burning to "every")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "tinder fire")] (if: $inv_bucket_contains is "oil")[ [[Dip the paper towels in fryer oil first.]] ](else:)[ |bucket>[Dip the paper towels in fryer oil first.] |bucketFail>[](click: ?bucket)[(replace: ?bucketFail)[//I don't have fryer oil.//] ] ] [[Nevermind.->Main Room]]

The pamphlet is way too tiny to work for that. [[Try something else.->Set the building on fire.]]

That sounds kind of dangerous, are you sure? (set: $currently_burning to "") [[It'll be fine. Don't worry.->Use hot oil to start the fire.]] [[On second thought, do something else.->Set the building on fire.]]

(if: $currently_burning is "")[Okay... Where do I pour the fryer oil? |floor>[The floor.] (click: ?floor)[(set: $currently_burning to "floor")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Use hot oil to start the fire.")] |table>[One of the tables.] (click: ?table)[(set: $currently_burning to "table")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Use hot oil to start the fire.")] |counter>[The counter.] (click: ?counter)[(set: $currently_burning to "counter")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Use hot oil to start the fire.")] |every>[Everywhere!] (click: ?every)[(set: $currently_burning to "every")(set: $Tick to true)(go-to: "Use hot oil to start the fire.")] ](elseif: $currently_burning is "floor")[I pour the bucket of oil out on the floor. It spills everywhere. I decide not to light it on fire, because I think it would kill me. (set: $fire_done to true) (set: $inv_bucket_contains to "") [[So much for this idea.->Main Room]] ](elseif: $currently_burning is "every")[I splash the oil around the room. It coats everything. I then decide not to light it on fire, because I think it would kill me. (set: $fire_done to true) (set: $inv_bucket_contains to "") [[So much for this idea.->Main Room]] ](elseif: $currently_burning is "table")[I pour the bucket of oil out on a table. It pools mostly by the table. I hesitantly light it with my Zippo. I burn my hand. It flares up, but the oil quickly burns away and doesn't have time to melt through the table's plastic coating and ignite the core. To get a fire going I'd need some kind of kindling. (set: $fire_tried to true) (set: $inv_bucket_contains to "") [[Continue->Set the building on fire.]] ](elseif: $currently_burning is "counter")[I pour the bucket of oil out on the counter. It drips down the sides. I hesitantly light it with my Zippo. I burn my hand. It flares up, but the oil quickly burns away and doesn't have time to melt through the counter's plastic coating and ignite the core. To get a fire going I'd need some kind of kindling. (set: $fire_tried to true) (set: $inv_bucket_contains to "") [[Continue->Set the building on fire.]] ]

(if: $currently_burning is "floor")[I make a nest of (if: $towels_oily is true)[oily ]paper towels on the floor. I use ten paper towels. (set: $inv_paper_count to $inv_paper_count-10) I light it with my Zippo. (if: $towels_oily is true)[They go up! The oil makes them burn hot, and the paper towels let them burn for a while.](else:)[They burn for a little while.] The plastic floor melts a little, but doesn't catch. (set: $fire_tried to true) [[Try something else.->Set the building on fire.]] ](elseif: $currently_burning is "every")[I make a number of nests of (if: $towels_oily is true)[oily ]paper towels around the room. I use ten paper towels. (set: $inv_paper_count to $inv_paper_count-10) One by one I light them. (if: $towels_oily is true)[They go up! The oil makes them burn hot, and the paper towels let them burn for a while. One of the tables catches fire! Another table catches fire! The fire spreads in front of the door! (set: $death_hint to "Well I just burned to death. Next time, maybe be a little less enthusiastic with the fire placement.") [[...Shit.->Endings]] ](else:)[They burn for a little while, but not intensely enough that anything else catches. //This looks easier in movies.// Anyway. The paper towels are a good idea, but I think they need a little more something-something if we're going to do arson with them. [[Something else then.->Set the building on fire.]] ] ](elseif: $currently_burning is "table")[I make a nest of (if: $towels_oily is true)[oily ]paper towels on one of the tables. I use ten paper towels. (set: $inv_paper_count to $inv_paper_count-10) I light it with my Zippo. (if: $towels_oily is true)[They go up! The oil makes them burn hot, and the paper towels let them burn for a while. The plastic coating of the table melts, and the pressed wooden core starts burning. I have a merry consistent flame that's strong enough not to die when the sprinklers come on. [[Continue->fire alarm]] ](else:)[They burn for a little while, but not intensely enough that the table catches. //This looks easier in movies.// Anyway. The paper towels are a good idea, but I think they need a little more something-something if we're going to do arson with them. [[Something else then.->Set the building on fire.]] ] ](elseif: $currently_burning is "counter")[I make a nest of (if: $towels_oily is true)[oily ]paper towels on the counter. I use ten paper towels. (set: $inv_paper_count to $inv_paper_count-10) I light it with my Zippo. (if: $towels_oily is true)[They go up! The oil makes them burn hot, and the paper towels let them burn for a while. The plastic coating of the counter melts, and the pressed wooden core starts burning. I have a merry consistent flame that's strong enough not to die when the sprinklers come on. [[Continue->fire alarm death]] ](else:)[They burn for a little while, but not intensely enough that the counter catches. //This looks easier in movies.// Anyway. The paper towels are a good idea, but I think they need a little more something-something if we're going to do arson with them. [[Something else then.->Set the building on fire.]] ] ]

Smart. Now the paper towels are oily and highly |inflame>[inflammable.] (click-replace: ?inflame)[ |flame>[flammable?] (click-replace: ?flame)[inflammable.] ] [[Use them to start a fire.->Use paper towels as tinder to start the fire.]] (set: $towels_oily to true) (set: $inv_bucket_contains to "") (set: $Tick to true)

(if: $sequence is 0)[I run out to the street. (set: $sequence to 1) I stop and look back. I can still see the interior through the glass doors. The vampire emerges from the kitchen in a sprint. He snarls in fear at the fire, but [[sees a clear path to the exit.->Arson from the street]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[(if: $wreath_hung is true)[He reaches front door, but recoils when he sees the holly wreath. He flinches back into reach of the fire, and burns like tissue paper in the blaze. (set: $EnthusiasticallyFired to true) Vampires are very flammable. A few seconds later the cashier emerges, panting, from the back. I pull the door open for her. [[I make sure she's all right.->death ending]] ](else:)[He reaches the front door, smashes through it, and flees into the night. The cashier emerges in his wake, panting. [[I make sure she's all right.->drive off ending]] ] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[I run out to the street. (set: $sequence to 1) I stop and look back. I can still see the interior through the glass doors. The vampire sprints out from the kitchen. But he stops, shrieking, his way blocked by the burning counter. Got him! [[But then...->Arson from the street, cashier dies]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[The cashier is back there with him. She can't get out either. I watch her face as the flame leap higher. Oh my god, I just. Oh my god. (set: $death_hint to "Never again.") (set: $KilledCashier to true) [[...->Endings]] ]

{(display: "startup values") (set: $SkipSave to true) (set: $Tick to false) (set: $LongTick to false) (set: $InIntro to false) (set: $DisplayTime to false)} (set: $SkipSave to true) (set: $Tick to false) (set: $LongTick to false) (set: $InIntro to false) (set: $DisplayTime to false) (set: $vampAware to true) {(display: "startup values") (display: "initial settings") (set: $inv_bucket_contains to "oil") (set: $inv_paper_count to 50) (set: $CurrentMinute to 51) (go-to: "Night Off")}

The fire alarm starts blaring. I would like to avoid both fires and firemen. Time to become scarce. (set: $sequence to 0) [[Escape to the street.->Arson from the street, cashier dies]]

The fire alarm starts blaring. I would like to avoid both fires and firemen. Time to become scarce. (set: $sequence to 0) [[Escape to the street.->Arson from the street]]

{(set: $EndingCount to 0) (if: $Uninvited is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $Crossed is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $MeltedByFaith is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $Staked is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $SnickerSnack is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $ChickaBlast is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $DeckTheHalls is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $DeathByHugs is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $HolyWater is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $HolySquirtGun is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $Sunlight is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $RunningWater is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $Garliced is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $Fired is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $EnthusiasticallyFired is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)] (if: $SnickerSmash is true)[(set: $EndingCount to $EndingCount + 1)]}

(if: $accept_toilet_plan is false)[(if: $sequence is 0)[That sounds like an |ass>[asshole] thing to do.(click: ?ass)[ (No pun intended. Ew.)] Why? |cause>[Just 'cause.] (click: ?cause)[(set: $sequence to 1)(go-to: "Stop up the toilet.")] |distract>[It will distract the cashier and get her away from the vampire.] (click: ?distract)[(set: $sequence to 2)(go-to: "Stop up the toilet.")] |flood>[If you stop it up bad enough you can flood the McDonalds.] (click: ?flood)[(set: $sequence to 3)(go-to: "Stop up the toilet.")] [[Nevermind.->Bathroom]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[Yeah, no. That's not a good enough reason. The cashier is alone here, in the service industry, AND being stalked by a vampire. I am not going to intentionally make her day worse. [[Do something else.->Bathroom]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Interesting idea, but the vampire can just follow her in here. I don't think it'll improve the situation. [[Do something else.->Bathroom]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[Now there's an interesting idea. If the bathroom floods so bad that the toilet is steadily upchucking, that should count as running water. I think that would count as running water. Pretty sure. Let's find out. (set: $accept_toilet_plan to true) (set: $sequence to 0) [[Stop up the toilet.]] ] ](else:)[(if: $sequence is 0)[I don't have the tools to mess directly with the pipes, so I'll just have to flush things that will fuck up the plumbing.(if: $toilet_wreath is true)[ I've forced the Christmas wreath down the pipe. It acts as a filter, letting water up, but no letting anything else properly flush.](if: $toilet_paper_count > 0)[ There are some paper towels caught in the wreath, but not quite enough yet.] What should I toss in the bowl? (if: $inv_paper_count > 0)[ |towels>[The paper towels.] (click: ?towels)[(set: $sequence to 1)(go-to: "Stop up the toilet.")] ](else:)[ |towels>[The paper towels.] |towelsFail>[](click: ?towels)[(replace: ?towelsFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] (if: $inv_wreath is true)[ |wreath>[The wreath.] (click: ?wreath)[(set: $sequence to 2)(go-to: "Stop up the toilet.")] ](else:)[ |wreath>[The wreath.] |wreathFail>[](click: ?wreath)[(replace: ?wreathFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] (if: $inv_pam is true)[ |pamphlet>[The pamphlet.] (click: ?pamphlet)[(set: $sequence to 3)(go-to: "Stop up the toilet.")] ](else:)[ |pamphlet>[The pamphlet.] |pamphletFail>[](click: ?pamphlet)[(replace: ?pamphletFail)[//I don't have that.//] ] ] [[Nevermind.->Bathroom]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[I stuff $inv_paper_count paper towels into the toilet.(if: $inv_paper_count > 20)[ It takes a while. I have a lot of paper towels.] (set: $sequence to 0) I flush. (set: $sequence to 0)(set: $toilet_paper_count to $toilet_paper_count + $inv_paper_count)(set: $inv_paper_count to 0) (if: $toilet_wreath is false)[The toilet flushes successfully. All my precious paper towels vanish down the tubes. Darn it. This toilet is more powerful than I had anticipated. I'll need to find something really awful to wedge in there so that the paper can't go down, but the water can still come up. (set: $toilet_paper_count to 0) [[Continue to stop up the toilet.->Stop up the toilet.]] ](elseif: $toilet_paper_count < 30)[The toilet gurgles, and the paper towels get stuck in the wreath. It still flushes, though. I need more. [[Continue to stop up the toilet.->Stop up the toilet.]] ](else:)[The toilet gurgles distressingly. The paper towels vanish for a moment, but then drift ominously back up into the bowl. (set: $sequence to 0) The toilet gurgles [[VERY distressingly.->toilet end]] ] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[I have to break the wreath apart to fit it into the toilet. (set: $sequence to 0) I don't so much flush it down as force it bit by bit down the pipes. (set: $inv_wreath to false)(set: $toilet_wreath to true) In the end, I have a festive blockage that lets water up, but doesn't let anything else properly flush. [[Continue to stop up the toilet.->Stop up the toilet.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[This thing has Jesus on it... (set: $sequence to 0) I mean, I don't personally believe. But I don't want to use someone else's religion to stop up a toilet. That wouldn't be okay. [[Something else then.->Stop up the toilet.]] ] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[I flush the toilet a few more times. |water>[Water](click-replace: ?water)[*Mercifully //clear// water*] collects in the bowl and spills out onto the floor. I open up the back of the toilet. I know just enough about the mechanics of these things to wedge the chain in such a way that it's perpetually flushing. (set: $sequence to 1) I leave the scene of my crime. A steady stream of toilet water follows me out the door [[back into the main room.->toilet end]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[I casually stroll out of the bathroom, leaving the door ajar, and sit in my booth. (set: $sequence to 2) It takes a minute for the cashier to notice what's happening. When she does she makes a soft distressed noise and heads towards the bathroom. The vampire perks up, excited that his prey seems to be isolating herself. He tries to follow her. He reaches the stream of water and just stops. [[Continue->toilet end]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[It's funny. He looks like a mime. A really good mime doing an invisible wall routine. It takes him a second to figure out what's going on. (set: $sequence to 3) Then he looks down, and sees the running water. A rivulet of it arcs toward him and he has to skip back. His expression is like: "Really? REALLY?!" [[Continue->toilet end]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[Five minutes pass. (set: $sequence to 4) The cashier is still in the bathroom, making upset confused noises. I don't think plumbing falls within her repertoire, which makes me feel simultaneously relieved and sorry for her. The water spreads to the point where the vampire is standing on a tiny island of dry linoleum on the far end of the room. I'm sitting on the table of my booth. I consider making faces at him. [[Continue->toilet end]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[A couple more minutes, a couple more liters of water, and the vampire is forced to the door. (if: $bucket_trap is true)[ [[He opens it.->heads towards the door.]] ](else:)[He slams it behind him and stalks off into the night. I pump my fist in the air! Then I go into the bathroom to help the cashier fix what I did to her toilet. (set: $RunningWater to true) [[This was weird, but it worked.->drive off ending]] ]]

Menu [[Endings->Menu_Endings]] / [[Other Games->Menu_other_games]] / |Restart>[Restart] (click: ?Restart)[ (display: "Save Achievements")(savegame: "CurrentState", "RESTART")(reload:) ] |back>[< Back To Game](click: ?back)[(go-to: $returnTo)]

Menu Endings / [[Other Games->Menu_other_games]] / |Restart>[Restart] (click: ?Restart)[ (display: "Save Achievements")(savegame: "CurrentState", "RESTART")(reload:) ] |back>[< Back To Game](click: ?back)[(go-to: $returnTo)] (display: "ending count")You have $EndingCount of 16 endings. (if: $Staked is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Staked''] (text-color: "gold")[Stake the vampire]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Staked''] Stake the vampire. |Staked>[Hint]|StakedHint>[](click: ?Staked)[(replace: ?StakedHint)[: Look for a stake in the bathroom. Be sure to check your hair. And only try this when he's distracted.]]] (if: $Fired is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Fired''] (text-color: "gold")[Burn him with fire.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Fired''] Burn him with fire. |Fired>[Hint]|FiredHint>[](click: ?Fired)[(replace: ?FiredHint)[: You have a Zippo lighter, now you just have to make the vampire more flammable. Look in the kitchen.]]] (if: $EnthusiasticallyFired is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Enthusiastically Fired''] (text-color: "gold")[BEL/S would be proud.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Enthusiastically Fired''] Burn the entire building down with the vampire inside it. |EnthusiasticallyFired>[Hint]|EnthusiasticallyFiredHint>[](click: ?EnthusiasticallyFired)[(replace: ?EnthusiasticallyFiredHint)[: You have a Zippo lighter. You need to find tinder, make it really flammable, and start the fire while no one is around to stop you. Also, make sure the vampire can't escape, but the cashier can.]]] (if: $MeltedByFaith is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Melted By Faith''] (text-color: "gold")[Find someone devout to destroy the vampire with their faith.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Melted By Faith''] Find someone devout to destroy the vampire with their faith. |MeltedByFaith>[Hint]|MeltedByFaithHint>[](click: ?MeltedByFaith)[(replace: ?MeltedByFaithHint)[: The homeless woman on the street seems pretty devout. But you'll have to find a way to keep the vampire from running away.]]] (if: $Crossed is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Crossed''] (text-color: "gold")[Expel or melt the vampire with crosses.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Crossed''] Expel or melt the vampire with crosses. |Crossed>[Hint]|CrossedHint>[](click: ?Crossed)[(replace: ?CrossedHint)[: Examine the drinking straws in your booth.]]] (if: $SnickerSnack is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Snicker-Snack''] (text-color: "gold")[Decapitate the vampire.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Snicker-Snack''] Decapitate the vampire. |SnickerSnack>[Hint]|SnickerSnackHint>[](click: ?SnickerSnack)[(replace: ?SnickerSnackHint)[: You're not much for swords. Call someone who is.]]] (if: $ChickaBlast is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Chicka-Blast''] (text-color: "gold")[Kill the vampire with a gun.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Chicka-Blast''] Kill the vampire with a gun. |ChickaBlast>[Hint]|ChickaBlastHint>[](click: ?ChickaBlast)[(replace: ?ChickaBlastHint)[: You're not much for guns. Call someone who is.]]] (if: $DeathByHugs is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Death By Hugs''] (text-color: "gold")[Melt the vampire with the power of love.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Death By Hugs''] Melt the vampire with the power of love. |DeathByHugs>[Hint]|DeathByHugsHint>[](click: ?DeathByHugs)[(replace: ?DeathByHugsHint)[: You need to be wearing something particular while hugging him. Examine the drinking straws in your booth.]]] (if: $Garliced is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Garliced''] (text-color: "gold")[Kill the vampire with garlic.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Garliced''] Kill the vampire with garlic. |Garliced>[Hint]|GarlicedHint>[](click: ?Garliced)[(replace: ?GarlicedHint)[: If you can get enough garlic into your bloodstream, you can poison him with it.]]] (if: $HolyWater is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Holy Water Bucket''] (text-color: "gold")[Kill the vampire with a bucket of holy water.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Holy Water Bucket''] Kill the vampire with a bucket of holy water. |HolyWater>[Hint]|HolyWaterHint>[](click: ?HolyWater)[(replace: ?HolyWaterHint)[: You don't need a priest to make holy water. You just need someone faithful. And some water and salt.]]] (if: $HolySquirtGun is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Holy Squirt Gun''] (text-color: "gold")[Squirt the vampire with holy water.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Holy Squirt Gun''] Squirt the vampire with holy water. |HolySquirtGun>[Hint]|HolySquirtGunHint>[](click: ?HolySquirtGun)[(replace: ?HolySquirtGunHint)[: You'll have to make holy water and find a squirt gun. Squirt guns are toys. Where can you find a toy in McDonalds?]]] (if: $Sunlight is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Sunlight''] (text-color: "gold")[Kill the vampire with sunlight.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Sunlight''] Kill the vampire with sunlight. |Sunlight>[Hint]|SunlightHint>[](click: ?Sunlight)[(replace: ?SunlightHint)[: Ultraviolet C light is present in sunlight. It is mostly absorbed by the atmosphere, but the small amount that does get through is what kills vampire. Unsurprisingly, it has more conventional germicidal properties too.]]] (if: $DeckTheHalls is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Deck The Halls''] (text-color: "gold")[Kill the vampire with a holy plant.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Deck The Halls''] Kill the vampire with a holy plant. |DeckTheHalls>[Hint]|DeckTheHallsHint>[](click: ?DeckTheHalls)[(replace: ?DeckTheHallsHint)[: Vampires hate plants that symbolize new life, such as roses, *holly*, or hawthorn.]]] (if: $Uninvited is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Uninvited''] (text-color: "gold")[Force the vampire away by rescinding his invitation.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Uninvited''] Force the vampire away by rescinding his invitation. |Uninvited>[Hint]|UninvitedHint>[](click: ?Uninvited)[(replace: ?UninvitedHint)[: Talk to the cashier and convince her there is a good reason to throw him out.]]] (if: $RunningWater is true)[(text-color: "gold")[''Running Water''] (text-color: "gold")[Force the vampire away by flooding McDonalds with running water.]](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''RunningWater''] Force the vampire away by flooding McDonalds with running water. |RunningWater>[Hint]|RunningWaterHint>[](click: ?RunningWater)[(replace: ?RunningWaterHint)[: Examine the toilet. Break it. Yes seriously.]]]

(if: $death_sequence is 0)[I grab a fire extinguisher. I swing it with strength I wouldn't have if I weren't so angry. What am I aiming for? |head>[Head.] (click: ?head)[(set: $death_sequence to 3)(go-to: "Fire Extinguisher")] |body>[Body.] (click: ?body)[(set: $death_sequence to 1)(go-to: "Fire Extinguisher")] |legs>[Legs.] (click: ?legs)[(set: $death_sequence to 8)(go-to: "Fire Extinguisher")] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 1)[I hit him in the body. The weight of the extinguisher and my anger-strength are enough to knock him sprawling. The cashier flops like a rag doll as the vampire picks himself up. (set: $death_sequence to 2) [[Keep hitting him.->Fire Extinguisher]] [[Help the cashier.->Fire Extinguisher]] [[Run.->Fire Extinguisher]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 2)[Unfortunately, it doesn't matter what I do. The body-shot wasn't enough to stop him for more than a moment. And now he's noticed me. [[He gets up and kills me.->Endings]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 3)[I hit him in the head. The weight of the extinguisher and my anger-strength let me smash it overhand into his skull. I *feel* bone crack. The cashier flops like a rag doll as the vampire stumbles. |hit>[Keep hitting him.] (click: ?hit)[(set: $death_sequence to 4)(go-to: "Fire Extinguisher")] |help>[Help the cashier.] (click: ?help)[(set: $death_sequence to 6)(go-to: "Fire Extinguisher")] |run>[Run.] (click: ?run)[(set: $death_sequence to 12)(go-to: "Fire Extinguisher")] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 4)[I keep whaling on him with the extinguisher. (set: $death_sequence to 5) Turns out even the undead need brains. [[I turn his to a pulp.->Fire Extinguisher]]](elseif: $death_sequence is 5)[He's dead. Whatever. I kneel down by the cashier. I can't tell if she's dead yet. She's bleeding a lot. That means her heart's still beating. I pull out my phone and call 911. I don't know if she's dead. We'll see. (set: $SnickerSmash to true) [[What a fucking night.->Endings]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 6)[I grab the cashier. I run. The vamprie tries to chase us. Even with a dent in his skull his legs still work, and I'm carrying a body. He grabs my arm. [[He kills me.->Endings]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 7)[I'm fighting a frenzied vampire with nothing but kitchen supplies. I go suddenly sane and get the hell out of there. The vamprie tries to chase us. Even with a dent in his skull his legs still work, but I'm faster. (set: $triggerNorm to true) [[I get out.->Run Away]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 8)[I hit him in the legs. The weight of the extinguisher and my anger-strength let me smash the metal through his leg and into the ground. I *feel* the bone snap. The cashier flops like a rag doll as the vampire hisses on the floor. |hit>[Keep hitting him.] (click: ?hit)[(set: $death_sequence to 9)(go-to: "Fire Extinguisher")] |help>[Help the cashier.] (click: ?help)[(set: $death_sequence to 10)(go-to: "Fire Extinguisher")] |run>[Run.] (click: ?run)[(set: $death_sequence to 12)(go-to: "Fire Extinguisher")] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 9)[I keep whaling on him with the extinguisher. But angry as I am, I'm slow, and even without his legs, he's fast. He grabs me and pulls me down to the floor. I lose the grapple fast. [[He kills me.->Endings]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 10)[I grab the cashier. (set: $death_sequence to 11) I run. (set: $triggerNorm to true) The vamprie tries to chase us, but with a broken leg, he can't. [[We get out.->Fire Extinguisher]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 11)[Two blocks away, I stop. The homeless woman is helping me carry the cashier. I didn't even notice. We lay her down on the ground. I can't tell if she's dead yet. She's bleeding a lot. That means her heart's still beating. The homeless woman presses my jacket against her throat and I call a hospital. I don't know if she's dead. We'll see. He's still out there. [[What a fucking night.->Endings]] ](elseif: $death_sequence is 12)[I'm fighting a frenzied vampire with nothing but kitchen supplies. (set: $triggerNorm to true) I go suddenly sane and [[get the hell out of there.->Run Away]] ]

Two blocks away the bitter taste in my throat turns to vomit. I kneel on the curb, head against the brick wall. Spitting the last of it out onto the ground. [[Smells like failure.->Endings]]

I am not getting a McDonalds salad. McDonalds salads are for |sad_veg>[sad vegetarians].(click: ?sad_veg)[ They aren't sad because they're vegetarians. Vegetarians rock. They're sad because they have inconsiderate friends who make them go to McDonalds so that they have to eat McDonalds salads.] [[Order something else.->Order]]

(if: $inv_squirt_contains is "")[I load the squirt gun with water.(set: $inv_squirt_contains to "water")](else:)[The squirt gun is already loaded.] (set: $Tick to true) [[Continue->sink]]

Menu [[Endings->Menu_Endings]] / Other Games / |Restart>[Restart] (click: ?Restart)[ (display: "Save Achievements")(savegame: "CurrentState", "RESTART")(reload:) ] If you liked this game, you may like my other game: <a target="_blank" style="color: goldenrod;" href='http://abigailcorfman.com/Home/OpenSorcery'>Open Sorcery</a> If you like my style, subscribe to the <a target="_blank" style="color: goldenrod;" href='http://eepurl.com/bWnLDT'>Open Sorcery Newsletter</a> I will email you ONLY when I make new things. No spam. I hate spam. You could also join my <a target="_blank" style="color: goldenrod;" href='https://discord.gg/kHgtwqe'>Discord</a>. |back>[< Back To Game](click: ?back)[(go-to: $returnTo)]

Yeah I have religious text. But I'm agnostic. You need to be really zealous to banish someone with religious text. I'm just kind of wishy-washy. [[Agnostic vampire hunter.->approach vampire booth]]

(if: $sequence is 0)[The vampire is following me. (set: $sequence to 1) I can take him outside. |private>[Somewhere secluded] where I could kill him without anyone seeing.(click: ?private)[ He's sure to follow because he is trying to get me to go somewhere secluded so HE can kill ME without anyone seeing.] Or I could not do that and come up with another way of dealing with him inside of the McDonalds. [[Take him somewhere secluded.->Alley decide]] [[Dump him.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[(set: $sequence to 0)(if: $wreath_hung is true)[I make sure I get to the door first. I gentlemanly hold the door for him. We have a brief argument over |allowed>[whether women are allowed to hold doors open for men.](click: ?allowed)[ //Good god. I think this guy must have been vampire-ized in the 1950s.//] I am stubborn, and eventually he shrugs and walks through. I surreptitiously grab the wreath as I follow him out. (set: $wreath_hung to false) (set: $inv_wreath to true) [[Probably shouldn't have trapped him inside when I was planning to lure him out. Fortunately, I'm smooth.->Lead him to alley.]] ](elseif: $bucket_trap is true)[The vampire opens the door and the bucket of holy water crashes down on his head. [[Continue->Holy water melt]] ](else:)[(go-to: "Lead him to alley.")] ]

"You know what, actually, nevermind," I say. "What?" says the vampire. "Don't want to go anywhere alone with you." "What? You think I'm going to pull something?" He seems genuinely indignant. "Not all men are like that, you bitch." "Did you seriously just..." I shake my head. "Nevermind. Just, go away." "You lead me on, and now you're dumping me?" "Lead you on? We were talking for, like, less than a minute." "Whatever." The vampire glares at me, then stalks back to his booth. (set: $dump_vamp to true) [[Wow. That was awful. I really want to kill him now.->Main Room]]

(if: $sequence is 0)[The vampire starts choking. (set: $sequence to 1) He drops me. I land hard on the linoleum. I shake my head. My neck is [[bleeding.->death by garlic insidee]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[The vampire looks like he is having the worst allergic reaction ever. (set: $sequence to 2) His face is swollen. He's choking up |blood>[blood.] (click: ?blood)[ //My blood.//] He topples over to writhe on the ground beside me. He smells VERY strongly of [[garlic.->death by garlic insidee]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Eventually the writing and the choking stop and he lies still. (set: $sequence to 3) Then, almost delicately, his body begins to dissolve into dust. The gentle swirl of the air conditioner disperses him into particles. Leaving only a leather jacket. The cashier is making a high pitched noise, screaming that has been broken by disbelief. (set: $sequence to 0) (set: $DeathByHugs to true)(set: $Garliced to true) [[Calm her down.]] [[Get out of there.]] ]

Unlockables [[Acknowledgments]] / [[Endings]] / Unlockables / [[Other Games->Other Games End]] / |Restart>[Play Again] (click: ?Restart)[ (display: "Save Achievements")(savegame: "CurrentState", "RESTART")(reload:) ] (display: "ending count") (if: $EndingCount > 7)[(text-color: "gold")[''Fascinating Vampire Facts''] Learn fascinating facts about vampires. [[Click here to view.->Fascinating Vampire Facts]] ](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''Fascinating Vampire Facts''] Learn fascinating facts about vampires. Completely true! ie: made up a long time ago. |Facts>[Hint]|FactsHint>[](click: ?Facts)[(replace: ?FactsHint)[: You must kill the vampire 8 different ways to unlock this.]]] (if: $EndingCount > 11)[(text-color: "gold")[''16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire''] Lucy, Maggie, and Luke's continued adventures fighting vampires! [[Click here to play.->16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire]] ](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire''] Lucy, Maggie, and Luke's continued adventures fighting vampires! |Staked>[Hint]|StakedHint>[](click: ?Staked)[(replace: ?StakedHint)[: You must kill the vampire 12 different ways to unlock this.]]] (if: $EndingCount is 16)[(text-color: "gold")[''The True Ending''] The actual ending of this game. [[Click here to play.->True Ending]] (if: $TrueEnding is not "" and $TrueEnding is not null)[ //True Ending: $TrueEnding//] ](else:)[(text-color: "gray")[''The True Ending''] The actual ending of this game. |True>[Hint]|TrueHint>[](click: ?True)[(replace: ?TrueHint)[: You must kill the vampire all 16 different ways to unlock this.]]] {(set: $feval_count to 0) (set: $sequence to 0) (if: $TrueEnding is null)[(savegame: "TrueEnding", "")](else:)[(savegame: "TrueEnding", (text: $TrueEnding ))] }

(if: $sequence is 0)[It's night. We're standing outside another McDonalds. (set: $sequence to 1) This time there's a whole NEST of vampires inside. Luckily, I have Maggie and Luke with me. We're pretty good at this shit, and we've got time. We decide to challenge ourselves by killing every vampire in a different way. [[Go inside.->16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[We encounter the first vampire in the main room. He's lapping at the neck of a |cash>[dead cashier.](click: ?cash)[ //Poor guy. We were too late to save him, but now we're here to avenge him.//] The vampire rises and hisses at us. How do we kill him? (set: $sequence to 2) |one>[Attack him with the AED Defibrillator.] (click: ?one)[(set: $option to 1)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |two>[Kill him with silver.] (click: ?two)[(set: $option to 2)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |three>[Kill him with the tears of a virgin.] (click: ?three)[(set: $option to 3)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[Maggie distracts him with |hand>[hand-to-hand combat.](click: ?hand)[ //Maggie is a lot stronger than I am and wraps her arms in rosary beads, which stops vampires from hitting her full force. That's why she can do this shit and I just get insta-killed. TBH, if you were playing Maggie in this game, it would have been a lot shorter.//] (if: $option is 1)[I run to the wall and grab the emergency |fib>[AED Defibrillator.](click: ?fib)[ //Fortunately for us, it's real old. One of the 400 joules types that leave third degree burns.//] Luke slaps the pads on the vamp's back, and I jab the shock button repeatedly. The defibrillator detects that the vampire is dead, and tries to shock him back to life. He jitters with electrical current, and eventually catches on fire and burns up.](elseif: $option is 2)[I run to the counter and dig through the cash register. I find all of the |dimes>[pre-1964 dimes and quarters] in the coin drawer. (click: ?dimes)[ //Before 1964, dimes and quarters contained 90% actual silver. True fact.// ]I hand them to Luke. Luke makes a slingshot out of my hair band and a plastic spoon. He flings the coins at the vampire. He lands one smack in the vampire's right eye. The vampire screams as his eye melts out. Luke melts his face off with more coins.](elseif: $option is 3)[While Maggie fights, I discover a surviving cashier locked in the bathroom, weeping over his Employee of the Month plaque. I collect some of his tears in a Styrofoam cup. I splash the vampire with them. The vampire hisses in pain as the virginally pure tears burn through his flesh and melts him into a slurry of ash and sadness.] (set: $sequence to 3) [[Next vampire.->16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[We make our way into the kitchen. Another vampire jumps from her perch on top of the soda machine, trying to ambush us! We have seconds to react! (set: $sequence to 4) |one>[Impale her with a knife!] (click: ?one)[(set: $option to 1)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |two>[Impale her with nails!] (click: ?two)[(set: $option to 2)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |three>[Impale her with a burning red poker!] (click: ?three)[(set: $option to 3)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[(if: $option is 1)[Maggie whirls around. I blink and her |knives>[knives] are in her hands.(click: ?knives)[ //Maggie's knives are named John and Mina. She's a romantic.//] She slashes the vampire across the throat, and then stabs up, skewering her heart! The vampire's last expression is one of |surprise>[surprise] as she poofs into dust.(click: ?surprise)[ //She's probably impressed and honored that Maggie just killed her exactly like Quincey Morris and Jonathan Harker killed Dracula.//] ](elseif: $option is 2)[Luke brings his modified nail gun up to bear. He shoots the vampire full of nails as she falls. One in the naval, |chest>[one in each eye], two in the neck, a bunch in the chest.(click: ?chest)[ Luke is a stupid good shot.] Maggie yanks me out of the way, but the vampire is turning to dust even as she hits the ground where I was standing.](elseif: $option is 3)[For some reason, Maggie has a |poker>[burning red poker.](click: ?poker)[ //I don't ask Maggie about these things.//] She turns it up and braces it so that the vampire lands on it. The hot iron burns through the vampire's chest like a blowtorch through butter. She makes an awful gurgling noise as her lungs are pureed, and then turns to dust.] (set: $sequence to 5) [[Next vampire.->16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 5)[We prowl into the kitchen proper. Luke spots |vamp>[another vampire] crouched in the back.(click: ?vamp)[ //They're kind of androgynous looking, and we're not in a situation where we can ask for pronouns, so I'm just going to refer to the vamp as 'them.' That's what you're suppose to do when you don't know and can't ask? I think?//] (set: $sequence to 6) |one>[Remove their heart with a sharpened soup ladle.] (click: ?one)[(set: $option to 1)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |two>[Steak them.] (click: ?two)[(set: $option to 2)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |three>[Lock them in a walk in freezer and let them starve to death.] (click: ?three)[(set: $option to 3)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] ](elseif: $sequence is 6)[Maggie yells like an amazon and launches herself at the vampire. She catches them in a tackle, rolls with them on the floor, and |jiu>[brazilian jiu-jitsus] them into a hold.(click: ?jiu)[ //Maggie says that style works on vampires because leverage and mechanical advantage can trump pure physical strength. She's probably right because it looks awesome. It's just a shame a lot of the submission holds don't work because vamps don't need air.//] (if: $option is 1)[Luke grabs a |ladle>[wooden soup ladle.](click: ?ladle)[ //Quality wooden kitchenware in a McDonalds? How unlikely. That's probably the least believable part of this scenario.//] He then uses it to scoop the prone vampire's heart right out of their chest. (set: $feval_count to 1) It's funky how that works, right? We learned that technique from //Paul Feval's La Ville-Vampire//.](elseif: $option is 2)[Luke grabs a half-made Steak, Egg and Cheese Bagel. He strips off the egg, cheese, and the bagel, and he slaps it on the vampire's chest. We have to spend like a minute explaining the pun, but as soon as the vampire gets it, they dissolve into dust.](elseif: $option is 3)[Luke helps her drag the vampire over the the walk-in freezer. They toss them inside, and I slam the door. Then we put up a sign that says: |donot>["DO NOT ENTER. DEAD INSIDE."](click: ?donot)[ //Because we're all Walking Dead fans.//] Then Luke drills off the |handle>[door handle.](click: ?handle)[ //Because that's gonna be a lot more effective.//]] (set: $sequence to 7) [[Next vampire.->16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 7)[A fourth vampire is hanging out in the parking lot behind the McDonalds. I spot him through the back door. He hasn't noticed us yet. (set: $sequence to 8) |one>[Take the ashes of other vampires and throw it at him such that he explodes.] (click: ?one)[(set: $option to 1)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |two>[Trick him into drinking dead blood.] (click: ?two)[(set: $option to 2)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |three>[Throw mustard seeds on the ground.] (click: ?three)[(set: $option to 3)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] ](elseif: $sequence is 8)[(if: $option is 1)[We sweep up the dust of the other dead vamps. I take the dustpan outside. I act all innocent like: "Oh! I am merely a McDonalds employee, taking out some dust." When the vamp inevitably turns around and tries to eat me, I squeak in surprise and toss the dust in his face. He immediately explodes. (if: $feval_count is 1)[This is another gem from //Paul Feval's La Ville-Vampire//.](else:)[It's funky how that works, right? We learned that technique from //Paul Feval's La Ville-Vampire//.]](elseif: $option is 2)[We drag the dead cashier back from the main room. We clean up the blood, slump him against the wall, and tip his hat down so that it looks like he's sleeping. Then we hide. I open the back door, letting it slowly creak open. The noise attracts the vampire's attention. The vampire, who is clearly the runt of the litter 'cause he got stuck sitting in the garage as lookout, looks inside and sees the seemingly sleeping human! He comes over to take a quick, easy drink. But as anyone who has read Anne Rice's *Interview with a Vampire* knows, the blood of dead humans is actually poisonous to vampires! He chokes and convulses on the ground. Then Maggie cuts off his head, because we all learned our lesson from Louis' mistake with Lestat.](elseif: $option is 3)[We can't find any mustard seeds in McDonalds. So we just scrape a shit-ton of sesame seeds off of hamburger buns. Once we have about a |bill>[billion], (click: ?bill)[ //Luke: "It's really more like a thousand, Lucy."// ]we open up the back door any toss them out. The vampire is immediately compelled to start counting them. That should keep him busy until morning sunlight kills him. We |close>[close the door.](click: ?close)[ //I can still hear him muttering outside: "Fifty three. Fifty four. Fifty five. Wait, that's just lint. Shit. One. Two..."//]] (set: $sequence to 9) [[Next vampire.->16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 9)[We have to hunt around for the last vampire. Maggie finally spots her, crouched in the entry tube of the PlayPlace. (set: $sequence to 10) |one>[Make a wooden stake spike trap at the bottom of the ball pit and convince her to jump in.] (click: ?one)[(set: $option to 1)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |two>[Find a very loyal McDonalds employee and get him to use his Employee of the Month plaque as a holy object to drive her off.] (click: ?two)[(set: $option to 2)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |three>[Give her a bouquet of roses.] (click: ?three)[(set: $option to 3)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] |four>[Destroy her with a shard of the true cross.] (click: ?four)[(set: $option to 4)(go-to: "16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire")] ](elseif: $sequence is 10)[(if: $option is 1)[Luke gets a bunch of stakes out of the car and makes a trap under the ball bit. It takes forever, but he is CRAZY pleased with himself when it's done, so it's worth it. Maggie chases the vamp through the PlayPlace with a crucifix, until the leech flees down a slide, lands in the ball pit, and impales herself. Luke is just twittering with DIY-flavored glee.](elseif: $option is 2)[I locate a surviving McDonalds employee huddled in the bathroom, crouching protectively over his Employee of the Month placard. I convince him that only he can banish these monsters from his place of work, using his deep faith in the McDonalds corporation. We march over to the the PlayPlace. The employee holds his plaque over his head and screams at the vampire about how it has violated company policy and is no longer welcome as a guest in this restaurant. The vampire spontaneously combusts. Whoa.](elseif: $option is 3)[Vampires hate plants that symbolize new life. Good examples: holly, hawthorn, or roses. I nip out to buy a bouquet of roses from a street vendor. Luke charges her with the romantic nosegay, but she retreats into the PlayPlace. Maggie ends up chasing her through the tubes likea tiny blonde monkey. The vampire gets cornered in one of those transparent plastic bubbles and we watch Maggie thrash her with the boquet. She dies in a flurry of rose petals and ash.](elseif: $option is 4)[In between killing the other vampires, I snagged an assembled happy meal for a snack. And wouldn't you know it, my happy meal prize was a shard of the true cross. All I have to do is wave it in the vampire's direction, and the vampire dies. This is going to make our job a LOT easier.] (set: $sequence to 11) [[Next vampire.->16 More Ways to Kill a Vampire]] ](elseif: $sequence is 11)[Having killed all the |vamp>[vampires] (click: ?vamp)[ //in up to 16 different ways!// ]Maggie, Luke and I exchange high-fives. Then we go eat at Arby's. No one wants McDonalds. Not for a while. [[The End!->Unlockables]] ]

(set: $TrueEnding to "") (set: $CalmCount to 4) (set: $BlueCount to 4) [[Endings]] (set: $sequence to 5) [[Fascinating Vampire Facts]] [[True Ending]] (set: $Uninvited to true) (set: $Crossed to true) (set: $MeltedByFaith to true) (set: $Staked to true) (set: $SnickerSnack to true) (set: $ChickaBlast to true) (set: $DeckTheHalls to true) (set: $DeathByHugs to true) (set: $HolyWater to true) (set: $HolySquirtGun to true) (set: $Sunlight to true) (set: $Garliced to true) (set: $Fired to true) (set: $EnthusiasticallyFired to true) (set: $RunningWater to true) (set: $SnickerSmash to true)

(if: $sequence is 0)[**Fascinating Vampire Facts** //How to Kill Vampires: Basics// (set: $sequence to 1) - Stakes. - Beheading. - Sunlight. - Fire. - Holy Water/Holy Objects. - Shooting them with a special magic gun. - Stabbing them with a special sword. [[More Facts->Fascinating Vampire Facts]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[**Fascinating Vampire Facts** //How to Kill Vampires: Advanced// (set: $sequence to 2) - Prevent them from ritually marrying and devouring one maiden each year. - Get them preemptively in their graves by laying |necks>[scythes] across their necks.(click: ?necks)[ //They'll slice off their own heads as they rise for the night.//] - Lure them onto the roof with a |cow>[cowbell]. Then shoot them.(click: ?cow)[ //They'll think there's a cow they can mess with. Vampires love messing with cows.//] - Wait until they go to their secret vampire city to have their heart wound up by an |evil>[evil priest.](click: ?evil)[ //Go to said evil city at 13 o'clock, remove their heart with a sharpened soup ladle, and then burn the heart and throw the ashes at other vampires so they EXPLODE.//] [[More Facts->Fascinating Vampire Facts]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[**Fascinating Vampire Facts** //Vampire Disposal// (set: $sequence to 3) Sometimes in addition to slaying a vampire, you have to deal with its corpse. Vampires have a habit of coming back from being killed. To prevent this, you should: ...cut off the limbs... ...and then shove bricks or garlic into the mouth... ...and then burn everything... ...and then scatter the ashes at a crossroads... ...and sometimes watch for the soul-bearing moth that pops out of a vampire's mouth when it's burning... ...and nail that moth to a tree with a silver or iron nail. [[More Facts->Fascinating Vampire Facts]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[**Fascinating Vampire Facts** //Stuff Vampires Do Other Than Drink Your Blood// (set: $sequence to 4) - Mess with your cows. - Eat your corn pudding. - Meet in cemeteries and at crossroads to plan evil vampire shennanagins. - Kill their family, hang around for seven years, and then leave town to get a fresh start somewhere else with a new, not-dead family. - Turn into many many many |animals>[animals.](click: ?animals)[ //Pike, roosters, dogs, cats, butterflies, moths, horses, snakes, really whatever.//] - Mesmerize you with their gaze. - Be really strong. [[More Facts->Fascinating Vampire Facts]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[**Fascinating Vampire Facts** //Stuff Vampires Do Other Than Drink Your Blood, Part 2// (set: $sequence to 6) - Make dogs freak out. - Or, alternatively, make dogs shut up. - Have glowing eyes. - Have kids who either become great vampire hunters or have no bones. - Heal all their wounds when the moonlight hits them. - Steal your hair to become pretty and young again. - Try to get married MANY MANY TIMES to cure themselves of vampirism. - Cause droughts and mess with the weather. [[More Facts->Fascinating Vampire Facts]] ](elseif: $sequence is 6)[**Fascinating Vampire Facts** //Non-Fatal Weaknesses// (set: $sequence to 7) - They get all pissy about any sort of threshold and need to be invited to cross them. - They |smell>[smell awful.](click: ?smell)[ //Sometimes to the point of KILLING people with their stank.//] - They cannot appreciate music. - They cast no |mirror>[reflection.](click: ?mirror)[ //They also throw no shadow, spoil all photographs taken of them, and painters cannot draw them, instead drawing a skeleton or something.//] - Their power ends at the |crowing>[crowing of the cock.](click: ?crowing)[ //Sometimes even if the cock is crowing in the middle of the night.//] - They have to tell their life's story to their paramours. [[More Facts->Fascinating Vampire Facts]] ](elseif: $sequence is 7)[**Fascinating Vampire Facts** //Non-Fatal Weaknesses, Part 2// (set: $sequence to 8) - They have to always use some variant of their |real>[real name.](click: ?real)[ //Thus, Alucard.//] - Virgins riding unblemished stallions can locate their graves. - Water just flat out rejects them and they get spat out on shore somewhere. - They need to sleep in specific types of soil. - They have certain times when they are and are not powerful. - They hate the smell of garlic, green nut shells, juniper, perfume, and cow dung. [[Yet More Facts->Fascinating Vampire Facts]] ](elseif: $sequence is 8)[**Fascinating Vampire Facts** //How To Become a Vampire// (set: $sequence to 9) - Get bit by another vampire. - Be a total dick who dies. - Commit suicide. - Get buried without things you like. - Have an animal jump over your corpse. - Have a shadow fall upon your corpse. - Have your idiot husband makes a supernatural pact to get you back after you die. - Become one of the 13 disciples of the devil magicians that run the secret school of necromancy known as |Scholomance>[the Scholomance.](click: ?Scholomance)[ //This is Dracula's actual origin story.//] - Have somebody [[steal your shadow.]] [[More Facts->Fascinating Vampire Facts]] ](elseif: $sequence is 9)[**Fascinating Vampire Facts** //Miscellanious Facts// (set: $sequence to 10) - Knives, hot pokers, nails, and skewers sometimes also work instead of or in addition to wooden stakes. - In Russian folklore, there's a lot of "vampire killing" cures that are basically just "cart the vampire to the next village and let those suckers deal with it." - Sometimes Russians would also just throw their vampires in lakes. - If you don't drive the stake in with one blow, it sometimes doesn't work. - Sometimes stakes don't work if the vampire is super in love with somebody and want to visit them. - |people>[People born on a Saturday] are great at killing vampires, and can summon small magical black dogs to hunt them.(click: ?people)[ //They are called Sabbatari.//] - Sometimes you can feed people heart ashes to |keep>[keep them from being vampires.](click: ?keep)[ //...or to cure them of |con>[consumption.](click: ?con)[ WARNING: This fact is not actually in the least true.]//] [[More Facts->Fascinating Vampire Facts]] ](elseif: $sequence is 10)[**Fascinating Vampire Facts** //That is All the Vampire Facts// (set: $sequence to 11) All credit for this section goes to *Leah Davydov*. She researches vampires professionally. She researched and wrote |every>[everything here.](click: ?every)[ //She is also a Sabbatari.//] All of these are 100% things that people have written and believed about vampires. //Sources:// Dracula Clarimonde La Dame Pale La Vampire Varney the Vampire Carmilla The Mysterious Stranger The Family of the Vourdalak Paul Feval La Ville-Vampire Le Captaine Vampire Montague Summers Anne Rice Folklore [[Other Unlockables->Unlockables]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[My name is Claire. (set: $sequence to 2) I'm seventeen. I work as a cashier at a McDonalds. I'm... Something happened tonight. [[Continue->True Ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[I was working. My McDonalds is out on Evans street, on the edge of town. (set: $sequence to 3) Sue had ditched work. There were supposed to be two of us on site at all times, but she left. (set: $tell_sequence to 0) And, well, I wasn't going to [[tell on her.]] I'd just have to [[do my best without her.->True Ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[Anyway. (set: $sequence to 4) I was there alone behind the counter. But luckily hardly anyone comes in at night. There was this one guy hanging out in a booth. He hadn't ordered anything. But maybe he would soon. [[Continue->True Ending]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[Then a pretty girl came in. (set: $sequence to 5) Her nails were... |color>[(css: "color:pink")[pink] ] [[Continue->True Ending]] (set: $MaxPaint to (max: $RedCount, $BlueCount, $PinkCount, $OrangeCount)) (live: 0.1s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:aqua")[blue] ] (live: 0.1s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:orange")[orange] ] (live: 0.1s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:red")[red] ] (live: 0.1s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:pink")[pink] ] (live: 0.1s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:aqua")[blue] ] (live: 0.1s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:orange")[orange] ] (live: 0.1s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:red")[red] ] (live: 0.1s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:pink")[pink] ] (live: 0.1s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ (if: $MaxPaint is $RedCount)[(css: "color:red")[red]](elseif: $MaxPaint is $OrangeCount)[(css: "color:orange")[orange]](elseif: $MaxPaint is $PinkCount)[(css: "color:pink")[pink]](elseif: $MaxPaint is $BlueCount)[(css: "color:aqua")[blue]] //Lucy painted her nails... (css: "color:red")[Red $RedCount times] (css: "color:aqua")[Blue $BlueCount times] (css: "color:pink")[Pink $PinkCount times] (css: "color:orange")[Orange $OrangeCount times]// ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ](elseif: $sequence is 5)[She ordered a Big Mac, but tripped on her way back to her booth, and dropped it. (set: $sequence to 0) It was such a shame. I offered her another, but she said no. She just wanted to sit down for a bit. Then... [[The woman talked to me.]] [[The man talked to me.]] [[The woman and man talked to each other.]] [[The toilet started acting up.]] [[The woman did something...weird.]] ]

If you liked this game, you may like my other game: [[Open Sorcery->Open Sorcery_Menu]] If you like my style, subscribe to the <a target="_blank" style="color: goldenrod;" href='http://eepurl.com/bWnLDT'>Open Sorcery Newsletter</a> I will email you ONLY when I make new things. No spam. I hate spam. You could also join my <a target="_blank" style="color: goldenrod;" href='https://discord.gg/kHgtwqe'>Discord.</a> In the meantime, would you like to |goback>[go back to your old game?] Or |Restart>[start a new one?] (click: ?Restart)[(display: "Save Achievements")(savegame: "CurrentState", "RESTART")(reload:)] (click: ?goback)[(load-game:((saved-games:)'s "CurrentState"))]

**Open Sorcery** A game about technology, magic and becoming a person. <a target="_blank" style="color: goldenrod;" href='http://abigailcorfman.com/Home/OpenSorcery'>Click Here To Play</a> Open Sorcery is text-based. It follows the development of an elemental firewall. A creature of intertwined magic and code. There are 90,000 words of text, five animated sequences, eighteen achievements to pursue, and eight possible endings. In this game you can: * Search for malicious spirits * Protect your network * Make friends * Burn everything * Learn * Dream * Become sapient [[ << No Thank You->Click here_Menu]]

//Have somebody steal your shadow.// (set: $sequence to 8) This is a thing that happened in Romania when people need to build a building. It used to be that you could just wall somebody up alive in a building wall, and that would make the building really nice and strong. Eventually, people realized this sort of architectural planning could get you arrested, so they started hiring shadow thieves to measure people's shadows with red string, after which they'd throw the red string in the wall foundation and the dude with his shadow stolen would die of "natural causes." And then, presumably, become a vampire. [[More Facts->Fascinating Vampire Facts]]

Other Games [[Acknowledgments]] / [[Endings]] / [[Unlockables]] / Other Games / |Restart>[Play Again] (click: ?Restart)[ (display: "Save Achievements")(savegame: "CurrentState", "RESTART")(reload:) ] If you liked this game, you may like my other game: <a target="_blank" style="color: goldenrod;" href='http://abigailcorfman.com/Home/OpenSorcery'>Open Sorcery</a> If you like my style, subscribe to the <a target="_blank" style="color: goldenrod;" href='http://eepurl.com/bWnLDT'>Open Sorcery Newsletter</a> I will email you ONLY when I make new things. No spam. I hate spam. You could also join my <a target="_blank" style="color: goldenrod;" href='https://discord.gg/kHgtwqe'>Discord.</a>

(if: $tell_sequence is 0)[You think I should [[tell on her?->tell on her.]] (set: $tell_sequence to 1) Wouldn't that be, you know, mean? Un-co-worker-y? [[I don't want to be mean.->True Ending]] ](elseif: $tell_sequence is 1)[I suppose I technically should [[report her->tell on her.]] for not being at work. (set: $tell_sequence to 2) According to the manual. But the manual doesn't have to work with Sue. Maybe I should [[just keep quiet.->True Ending]] ](elseif: $tell_sequence is 2)[You know what, you're right. I will absolutely positively |report>[report her.](click: ?report)[.. ...the next time she does this. I have to draw the line somewhere, you know? [[Continue->True Ending]] ] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[The woman came up and talked to me. I asked if was feeling better. |skee>[She told me the guy was acting skeezy.] (click: ?skee)[(set: $sequence to 1)(go-to: "The woman talked to me.")] |garlic>[She ordered a LOT of garlic fries.] (click: ?garlic)[(set: $sequence to 4)(go-to: "The woman talked to me.")] |squirt>[She ordered the happy meal with the squirt gun prize.] (click: ?squirt)[(set: $sequence to 6)(go-to: "The woman talked to me.")] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[She told me the guy had been totally inappropriate. Like, tripped her and called her a bitch. (set: $sequence to 2) I'm, um, I'm not really good at standing up for myself, but I REALLY HATE IT when people are rude to other people. And this was my responsibility, since I was in charge of the McDonalds. So I went over there and told him he had to leave. [[Continue->The woman talked to me.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[And that's the strange part. The way he looked at me, he was //so angry//. Like, way more angry than anyone should be to leave a McDonalds. Like, he wanted to hurt me angry. (set: $sequence to 3) And for just a second I was so scared. More scared than I've ever been. I kind of blacked out. Not fainted or anything, just everything got blurry and like it was far away. When I stopped freaking out, he was gone. (set: $TrueEnding to "You banished the vampire by revoking his invitation.") [[Continue->Weird Ignorance]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[She made like three orders of just garlic fries and ate them all. (set: $sequence to 5) I guess she liked garlic. That's when things got freaky. [[Continue->The woman talked to me.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 5)[She walked over to the guy and hugged him. Just out of the blue. And then he...bit her? And then he started having a heart attack, or choking, and I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do when a customer was choking and the woman was on the ground and her neck was bleeding and he was //vomiting blood// and he was he was dissolving but that wasn't but that wasn't I... I was screaming. (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire with garlic.") [[The woman looked at me.->CalmLeaveTest]] ](elseif: $sequence is 6)[The woman seemed really happy about the squirt gun prize. (set: $sequence to 7) She left, and I forgot about that, until she came back and squirted the man with the gun. And he MELTED. (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire with a squirt gun.") [[Continue->The woman talked to me.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 7)[So I start screaming, because there's a sociopath in my McDonalds squirting people with acid. And she leaves, and I'm relieved, but also that's bad because she's //getting away.// And I call 911 and an ambulance comes but the guy is already completely MELTED FROM ACID. [[Continue->Therapy]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[The man came up and started talking to me. (set: $sequence to 1) I asked him if he wanted to order something. He asked if I was on the menu. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. He looked kind of old, but then I looked into his eyes. I realized how beautiful they were. I realized how handsome he was. [[Continue->The man talked to me.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[Things got blurry after that. I don't remember a lot. I remember his voice. It was really smooth. We ended up in the kitchen. He was kissing me. He was kissing me like I was the only girl in the world. Like he wanted to devour me. Then... |dust>[He turned to dust.] (click: ?dust)[(set: $sequence to 2)(go-to: "The man talked to me.")] |burn>[He burned to death.] (click: ?burn)[(set: $sequence to 3)(go-to: "The man talked to me.")] |fire>[The fire alarm went off.] (click: ?fire)[(set: $sequence to 4)(go-to: "The man talked to me.")] |douse>[Someone threw a bucket of water on us.] (click: ?douse)[(set: $sequence to 5)(go-to: "The man talked to me.")] |bite>[He bit me.] (click: ?bite)[(set: $sequence to 6)(go-to: "The man talked to me.")] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[He turned to dust. I felt him turn to dust. I was covered in dust that used to be him. The woman was standing over me. I think was screaming. (set: $TrueEnding to "You staked the vampire.") [[The woman looked at me.->CalmLeaveTest]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[He dropped me. He was suddenly standing and snarling. And the woman was there, and she threw...she threw fire at him. And then she was gone. Ran away. And I watched him burn. Just seconds ago I was kissing him. And then I watched him burn to death. (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire with fire.") [[Continue->Therapy]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[The fire alarm went off and the sprinklers started up. He dropped me and ran, and it took me a second because I was really lightheaded, but I ran too. The front room was on FIRE. Like, I didn't even think about getting the fire extinguisher, I just got OUT of there. The guy was gone when I got outside. (set: $TrueEnding to "You burned down the McDonalds.") I never saw him again. [[The End->Unlockables]] ](elseif: $sequence is 5)[We were kissing, and then suddenly we were soaked. And he was MELTING. I could feel him melting. His skin felt like skin, and then it felt like mud. And then he just melted on top of me. And I started screaming. And the woman got me some paper towels. (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire with holy water.") [[Continue->Therapy]] ](elseif: $sequence is 6)[He bit me. (set: $sequence to 7) Everything went from blurry and nice to blurry and bad. Like, I could tell something bad was happening. I was losing something important. Blood. I was losing blood. He was drinking my blood. I was dying. [[Then the woman hit him with a fire extinguisher.->The man talked to me.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 7)[I don't remember anything after that. (set: $sequence to 8) I woke up in a hospital. The woman was gone. Mom didn't believe me about what happened. But I knew what happened. I'd been attacked by a monster. A monster that looked like a person. [[Continue->The man talked to me.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 8)[I tried to go back to school and back to work, but I couldn't. (set: $sequence to 9) I had nightmares about him kissing me. I left town last Saturday. I have all my savings in my pocket. The guy from Motel 6 told me a pretty girl and her two friends left town, heading north. [[Continue->The man talked to me.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 9)[I'm getting on a bus to the next town north. I'm going to find her. I'm going to find out what happened. (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire by bashing in his head. Claire becomes a vampire hunter.") [[The End->Unlockables]] ]

(if: $sequence is 0)[The man went over and started talking to the woman. (set: $sequence to 1) They were flirting. It was really obvious. I tried to imagine what it would be like to be her, to have men flirt with me. [[Continue->The woman and man talked to each other.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[The left together. And like, that's not weird by itself. That's not weird at all. But then I heard something really weird from outside. Like maybe screaming? Or hissing? Or a gunshot? I don't know. I was thinking about calling the police. But then it stopped, so I didn't. (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire in the alley.") [[Continue->Weird Ignorance]] ]

I noticed it when I saw water was leaking out from the bathroom. And in my head I was like: OH NO. SUE, WHY ARE YOU GONE? Sue knows how to fix toilets. Her dad's a plumber. But she wasn't here so I went inside. It turned out someone had stuffed a CHRISTMAS WREATH into the toilet. (set: $TrueEnding to "You banished the vampire by breaking a toilet.") [[WTF?->Weird Ignorance]]

(if: $sequence is 0)[Then the woman did something... ...weird. |straw>[She started making tons of tiny crosses out of drinking straws.] (click: ?straw)[(set: $sequence to 1)(go-to: "The woman did something...weird.")] |neck>[She made a cross necklace out of straws and hugged the guy.] (click: ?neck)[(set: $sequence to 3)(go-to: "The woman did something...weird.")] |uv>[She stole the UV sanitizer from the bathroom.] (click: ?uv)[(set: $sequence to 4)(go-to: "The woman did something...weird.")] |home>[She brought in a homeless woman.] (click: ?home)[(set: $sequence to 5)(go-to: "The woman did something...weird.")] |bucket>[She filled a yellow mop bucket with water.] (click: ?bucket)[(set: $sequence to 7)(go-to: "The woman did something...weird.")] ](elseif: $sequence is 1)[She was really enthusiastic about those crosses. (set: $sequence to 2) She like, lined the edge of her table with them. And I think the other guy was like, an atheist or something, because he kept giving her weird looks. And then he got up to leave. (set: $TrueEnding to "You banished the vampire with crosses.") |wreath>[But he couldn't because she'd hung up the old Christmas wreath and apparently he hated Christmas?] (click: ?wreath)[(set: $sequence to 2)(go-to: "The woman did something...weird.")] [[He just left.->Weird Ignorance]] ](elseif: $sequence is 2)[He did this really weird thing, like he was freaked out by the crosses and the wreath, and he didn't want to be near either of them. And then he...exploded. And I kind of freaked out. I mean a guy just freaking exploded! (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire with the wreath.") [[The woman looked at me.->CalmLeaveTest]] ](elseif: $sequence is 3)[She made this weird hand-crafted necklace out of straws and rolled up papers. Then she walked over to the guy and hugged him. Just out of the blue. And then he...disintegrated. Like in a movie. He just turned to ash. I was screaming. (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire with crosses.") [[The woman looked at me.->CalmLeaveTest]] ](elseif: $sequence is 4)[I guess she didn't really STEAL the sanitizer. She just moved it to the main room. I guess she was afraid of germs? I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. And then the guy started screaming. (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire with 'sunlight'.") [[Continue->And then he disintegrated]] ](elseif: $sequence is 5)[There's this homeless woman who likes hanging around outside. I think her name is Bess. Usually the manager tells her to go away, but he's not here and I don't do that. The woman brings her inside. I guess she's gonna buy her dinner or something? But then the homeless woman starts bothering the guy. I thought maybe I should stop her, but I felt really awkward about it. Then he got up to leave. (set: $TrueEnding to "You banished the vampire with true faith.") |wreath>[But for some reason he couldn't.] (click: ?wreath)[(set: $sequence to 6)(go-to: "The woman did something...weird.")] [[He just left.->Weird Ignorance]] ](elseif: $sequence is 6)[He couldn't leave, and he was staring at the homeless woman, and she started saying some REALLY weird stuff about veils and gazelles. (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire with true faith.") And then... Then he MELTED. Like the wicked witch of the west. And the homeless woman just stood there and was calm. And he had MELTED. And I think I was screaming. [[And the woman looked at me.->CalmLeaveTest]] ](elseif: $sequence is 7)[I saw the woman carrying a big yellow mop bucket. (set: $sequence to 8) I think it was the one Sue broke yesterday. I guess the woman fixed it? And put water in it? Did she want to mop something? [[Continue->The woman did something...weird.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 8)[Then something made the guy want to leave. (set: $sequence to 9) And as he was opening the door, the bucket fell on him. Like, this woman had made a bucket trap prank out of the broken mop bucket. And then... [[He melted.->The woman did something...weird.]] ](elseif: $sequence is 9)[He melted. Like the wicked witch of the west. And the only thing left was his jacket. He had MELTED. And I think I was screaming. (set: $TrueEnding to "You killed the vampire with holy water.") [[And the woman looked at me.->CalmLeaveTest]] ]

The woman. She... |color>[(css: "color:pink")[Calms me down.] ] (live: 0.3s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:lightblue")[Leaves.] ] ] (live: 0.3s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:pink")[Calms me down.] ] ] (live: 0.3s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:lightblue")[Leaves.] ] ] (live: 0.3s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:pink")[Calms me down.] ] (live: 0.3s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:lightblue")[Leaves.] ] ] (live: 0.3s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:pink")[Calms me down.] ] ] (live: 0.3s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:lightblue")[Leaves.] ] ] (live: 0.3s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[ |color>[(css: "color:pink")[Calms me down.] ] (live: 0.3s)[(stop:)(replace: ?color)[(if: $CalmCount > $LeaveCount)[(css: "color:pink")[Calms me down.]](else:)[(css: "color:lightblue")[Leaves.] ] //(css: "color:pink")[Lucy stayed $CalmCount times.] (css: "color:lightblue")[Lucy left $LeaveCount times.]// (if: $CalmCount > $LeaveCount)[[[Continue->Real Talk]]](else:)[[[Continue->She leaves.]]] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

And then I went to therapy for ten years. [[The End->Unlockables]]

So yeah. Tonight was weird. I wonder what was up with all that? I guess I'll never know. [[The End->Unlockables]]

And then he...disintegrated. Like in a movie. He just turned to ash. I was screaming. [[The woman looked at me.->CalmLeaveTest]]

''Lucy:'' "Shhh." ''Lucy:'' "Shhhhhh." ''Lucy:'' "It's all right. Cry it out." ''Lucy:'' "It's okay now." ''Lucy:'' "You're all right. You're going to be just fine." [[''Claire:'' "What...what just happened?"->do you want to know]] [[''Claire:'' "Who are you?"->Who are you?]]

''Lucy:'' "..." ''Lucy:'' "Do you really want to know?" [[''Claire:'' "Yes."->truth]] [[''Claire:'' "Yeah."->truth]] [[''Claire:'' "...yes?"->confirm]] [[''Claire:'' "...no."->comfort]] [[''Claire:'' "..."->comfort]]

''Lucy:'' "My name's Lucy, darling." ''Lucy:'' "I'm very pleased to meet you." ''Lucy:'' "Keep on taking deep breaths. You're still all red in the face." [[''Claire:'' "What just happened?"->do you want to know]]

''Lucy:'' "Okay then." ''Lucy:'' "If you really want to know, I can show you." ''Lucy:'' "You feeling up to walking?" ''Claire:'' "Yeah." ''Lucy:'' "Follow me." (set: $TrueEnding to $TrueEnding + " Claire becomes a vampire hunter.") [[The End->Unlockables]]

''Lucy:'' "That yes sounded like a no, sweetie." ''Lucy:'' "I'm gonna need enthusiastic consent before real talk happens." [[''Claire:'' "I want to know."->truth]] [[''Claire:'' "...I want to go home."->comfort]]

''Lucy:'' "Okay." ''Lucy:'' "You sit tight, I'm gonna get you some water." ''Lucy:'' "And I think you should call your mom or dad to come get you, okay?" ''Lucy:'' "You're gonna be just fine." ''Lucy:'' "You're safe now." [[The End->Unlockables]]

She leaves. I never see her again. I never understand what happened. [[The End->Unlockables]]